Full House; JJBA Villains x Reader

Chapter 12

"Put on some pants you dickwad!" Hello. It's me again. If anyone is wondering, Dio, the most persistent of the JoJo Villains, is currently wearing absolutely nothing. And when I mean nothing, most know what I'm referring to. As for me, I was covering my heated, red face with his stripper pants. It was the only available curtain in the vicinity of my bedroom. It also provided the ability to allow me to go on offense. "Come on! I'll buy you wine, just put on your pants and leotard!"

"The same plea didn't work the first time, so, by default, it will remain ineffective for the twenty-third attempt." He spoke, with a yawn. He was laying on my bed, dick to sheets on purpose. At the current moment, the blond vampire was reading Les Misérables while eating my 'fancy' cheese and crackers. Les Misérables was one of the few older classics I had in my home.

"You don't have to be so mean about it! You are literally making me 'le miserable' right now, so put on your damn pants, body-snatcher!" The vampire continued to not listen as I finally gave up. Shutting the door, I leaned against it in defeat, before another voice interrupted my peace.

"Are you alright, (Y/N)?" Diego, another Dio but better, inquired. A small grin spread over my cheeks, before I went on to ruin what could have been a magical moment.

"The other you, from another universe, is being an asshole." I said this with a large grin by the way, but beyond it was a hella lot of toxic energy. The dinosaur clicked his tongue in understanding. "Well, whatever, I got to head to work. You'll be in charge of the house while I'm gone, Diego."

"What do I get out of it?" The dinosaur glared, as I ceased everything. Goodbye smile. Goodbye any faith I had in Mr. Dino. Goodbye to all faith in humanity. Send me to heaven now.

"You get to sleep in the attic instead of outside. How about that?" Rock-eater froze up, before giving up on getting anything of worth out of me. However, as I was weary down on his hopes and dreams, he started to wear and tear on my standing ground. "Are you out of apples again? Maybe I can run to the store and buy you some more." His cyan eyes lit up like the fireworks, before I was engulfed in a large hug.

"Thank you mum!" Silence...

More silence...

"Am I your sugar mama now?" I asked, making this situation ten times worse. 'Oh my God... why the hell did I say that?!'

It was so quiet that I watched him get up slowly and then he walked back up to the attic, most likely to hide in Diavolo's box in order to shame himself. Though I didn't know why he was so ashamed of himself. He had a sugar mama before! Trying to lean against my door I fell backwards. Aches of a seventy two year old woman shot through me at lightning speed as I groaned and fucking died on the floor. Staring up, I was greeted by Dio and his schlong. Well... Dio's schlong. You know... I was once an eye-virgin. Not anymore I'm not. It was 'turned on,' which made me breathe out a sigh of relief. "What in heaven's name are you doing on the floor?" He questioned, but I just kept my eyes closed pretending he wasn't right above me. That was before I was picked up by my shirt, before he stood me up on my feet. "Are you deaf of hearing? I'll speak again. What are you doing on the damned floor?"

"Jokes on you, whore. The floor can't be damned because it hasn't done anything wrong." Sticking my tongue out, I harrumphed away, however, the vampire didn't let me off that easily. With a large hand, the size of my face, on my shoulder, he turned me around and expected me to answer and maybe apologize. I'm not great at reading these assholes. "What now, oh lordship?! Even though I know damn well you aren't anything like that! Mainly because you failed to secure the Joestar fortune, loser!!" Somehow, someway. Under the strangest circumstances, I managed to run away.

Usually, when it came to the villains, I tended to tread carefully, knowing that this was the most effective way to get them to trust me. When it came to Dio though, I could care less. In my eyes, he is the most annoying, so why not. "Get back here, you wretched bitch!" I did not stop. Running down the stairs, I went straight for the kitchen table to use as an obstacle. You know that thing where there is a stand off from the other side of something and you watch on trying to predict the others move. Yeah, it was that.