You're On Your Own, Kid

((Author Notes: This is my first ever Adam Sackler one-shot! The idea for this was heavily inspired by Taylor Swifts new song "You're On Your Own, Kid". After hearing the song ONCE I couldn't get this idea out of my head so were we go. Hope everyone enjoys!))

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You knock on the door of his apartment with tears streaming down your face. You hadn't bothered to call or text. Adam hates technology. If he was free to talk he'd answer his front door and invite you in and if he wasn't you'd wander the streets floundering in your sadness.

Adam Sackler has been your next store neighbor for a year now. He was the first person in the building to be nice to you. You could clearly remember your move in date. All those heavy boxes.

No one had offered to help.

No one except Adam.

His help had been invaluable and as a reward you had ordered pizza that you both ate on your living room floor and got to know one another.

You were fast friends after that.

In the grand scheme of things, a year isn't a long time to truly know someone, but when it comes to your friendship with Adam it feels like a lifetime. You both rely on one another more than most neighbors. Each of you have developed a habit of just showing up at one another's apartment when in crisis or facing things like boredom.

It's hard not to when you live down the hall from one another. The two of you turn to each other for just about anything.

Adam needing to run lines for an audition? You were there.

Your job stressing you out? He was there.

Adam dealing with his unresolved feelings for Hanna? You were there.

You getting into an argument with a friend? He was there.

Adam spiraling about feeling like a failure and ultimately his sobriety? You were there.

You crying over a breakup? He was there

Adam wanting to go out and eat Chinese food at 2AM? You were definitely there.

Truthfully, you're thankful for his presence in your life.

Adam might be a big goofball and a horndog but deep down he has a kind heart that he tries to hide from most people. It's a fact you relish in because it makes you feel closer to him than any other.

You were one another's confidants and told each other things that you didn't dare tell another living soul.

That's why you find yourself at his door, because right now all you need is your friend.

A moment later the door opens to reveal the hulking form of your neighbor. He's dressed down in a simple olive green t-shirt and jeans. All while holding a freakishly large sandwich.

"Holy fuck I was just thinking about you! I just made the most banging sandwich. You gotta take a bite."

Your eyes flick up to meet his gaze and that's when he sees your tear stained cheeks.

"Shit." Adam curses under his breath, turning away for half a second to place his sandwich down somewhere before turning back and ushering you into his place with a hand on your upper back. "Everything is going to be alright, kid. You just go make yourself comfortable on the couch."

You do as you're told, knowing the drill well enough by now. Any second now he was going to offer you food. To Adam, food cured any ailment. You'd smile at how adorable that is if you didn't feel so exhausted from crying.

You sit down on the couch with a sigh and pray the thing just swallows you whole.

"Can I get you anything? Food, water, a pillow?"

You shake your head while more tears escape. Your eyes meet his deep brown ones and let your words tumble out.

"I-I just need my friend."

His features soften. He looks as if he'd give you the world if you asked for it.

Without another word he comes to sit down beside you on the couch. His arm comes around you, letting you lean against him while he strokes your arm. For a few minutes, neither one of you speaks. You simply soak up the comfort being offered to you.

It's only once some of your tension dissipates that Adam speaks again.

"What happened, kid? Why are you crying?"

"It's stupid." You huff at yourself in annoyance and feverishly swipe at your tears. Just because Adam had seen you cry before didn't make being this vulnerable any easier.

You feel the tip of his nose pressing into your scalp, as if he's trying to stop himself from smelling your hair. "Tell me anyway?"

His voice is a low whisper. You do your best to suppress the shiver it triggers. Adam might be your friend but that doesn't make him any less attractive. Determined to not be railroaded by his strong body and pretty face you sit up slightly. It gives you enough personal space to think clearly.

"It's just a build up of things. You know? Disappointments."

He chuckles in agreement, "I can say I've absolutely had my share of those. What's been disappointing you?"

"More like who." You angrily mutter.

"Alright then. Who's disappointing you?" You can hear the grin in his tone without even looking at him. He's always found your anger adorable. As infuriating as that is, it isn't what's important now.

You came here to vent.

You came here to unload so for even a few minutes this burden wasn't yours to carry.

Your shoulders slump in defeat. You're suddenly too exhausted to be your normally fiery self.

"A lot of people....But I guess mostly myself."

"I'm not sure I understand?"

You try your best to piece your thought process together into words. It isn't an easy task but somehow you manage.

"I'm disappointed in myself because I give people too much power over me. I love too hard....care too deeply. People keep taking advantage of that and I....let them." You choke, the words getting caught in your throat.

Adam shushes you and softly prompts you to take your time. You nod, giving yourself a moment to take a few deep breaths. When you feel capable you try again to continue.

"I once read somewhere that what you give power to has power over you. I think that's my problem. I let people into my life, I love them, encourage them, give them my time and they revel in it until they move onto better things. It's draining! I'm tired of my self worth being determined by how other people treat me!"

The volume of your voice picks up a notch. Your sadness turns into bitterness that tastes like lemon rinds on your tongue.

"Rationally I know that when people treat you shitty it's not a reflection on you but it's so hard to not blame myself. My brain automatically tells me if I was a better friend, a prettier girlfriend, a more motivated worker none of this would happen!"

You swipe your arm across your face, determined to not drip snot on top of crying. You didn't need to be gross and pathetic.

Adam takes this moment to interject with a question. "Are we talking about a specific person?"

You shake your head. "No, just noticing a pattern of behavior. People keep waltzing in and out of my life like it's no big deal. As if I had no meaning to them in the first place and I'm sick. of. it."
Each of your words is punctuated with anger. So much so that a quiet hush falls. The only sounds come from the busy Manhattan streets below. Somewhere in the distance a car horn is blown, a group of friends loudly laughs, a dog barks at a jogger.

These noises don't phase either of you. The sounds of the city are so much a part of your everyday life that they have no chance in snatching your attention.

But Adam's next choice of words can.

"You're on your own, kid. You always have been."

You roll your eyes so hard it's a wonder that they don't get trapped inside your skull. "Yeah thanks Adam. That's exactly what I need to hear right now."

Your sarcasm drips like maple syrup down the side of a pancake stack.

Adam lightly nudges your ribs with his elbow.

"I don't mean it like that. I mean that you're the only one that you can truly count on. Yeah you've got friends and family who care about you, but in the end it's your strength that has to carry you through."

Goddamn him and his random insightful advice.

"But what if I'm not strong enough? What if I can't keep this up anymore?"

The emotions begin to take over and make your eyes glassy with fresh tears.

Something tugs at your chin and turns it towards Adam. You quickly realize it's his hand gently cupping your chin so you're looking him in the eye.

"Of course you're strong enough. You've gotten through all your past bad days, haven't you? You did that. Not anyone else."

You gape at him, having no clue how to respond because he's right. Even when loved ones give you support it's you that chooses to take that support and keep pushing forward. You lean into his touch, wanting the warmth of it to sear into your flesh.

"I-it's really hard." Your voice cracks. It's too difficult to keep it all in check right now.

His brows pull together, the empathy evident on his face. "I know it is, kid. But if anyone believes in you, it sure as hell is me."

"Adam....." You breathe out his name as tremendous emotion grips your heart. Your eyes flick from his lips to his eyes.

When did the two of you move closer in? Now there were only inches separating your mouths. You forget why you came here and what you were upset about. It all dissipates because the man besides you makes it all seem meaningless.

Why couldn't more people in your life be like him?

Especially the men. If any of the guys you dated cared even just a fraction of the way Adam did then your love life would look a lot different. Some part of you murmurs out a question.

What would it be like to kiss him?

"Maybe you should focus on the people and relationships that don't make you doubt what you mean to them?"

You nod your head and simultaneously straighten your spine. He's being sensible and it snaps you back to reality.

The one where you and Adam are only friends.

Given half the chance you know you would want more but the thought of ruining the safety you had found just down the hall from you is terrifying.

You couldn't risk it.

You couldn't lose your best friend.

"And it's also important that you stand on your own two feet."

Oh shit, was he still talking?

You give him your full attention, nodding along as he continues. He also resituates his position, sitting forward so his forearms rest atop his knees.

"You've got a good head on your shoulders and you clearly take care of yourself, your home, your responsibilities but I think you're right about not letting these douchebags affect you so much." He turns his head to look at you, wanting to make sure his words were sinking in.

"If they don't value you then fuck 'em. They don't deserve a place in your life anyway. The right people are already here for you."

You guessed he was right but.....

"So....what? I'm supposed to just not let anyone new into my life?"

He chuckles, causing the corners of his eyes to crinkle in amusement.

"No you goof. I'm telling you to live your life. Make new friends, go out and have fun, kiss lots of guys or girls, travel, do things out of your comfort zone. Take each moment and really enjoy it but don't be afraid when disappointment comes or when people walk away."

He leans back, finds your hand resting on your knee and places his hand over it. He laces your fingers together and reassuringly squeezes.

"You've got no reason to be afraid. No matter what you gain or lose, is still a step forward."

You squeeze his hand in return and offer him a smile. And as much as some part of you still longs to know what being loved by him would feel like—you realize that here and now is you.

For healing.

For self improvement.

For happiness.

For selfishly taking care of you and you only.

Maybe one day time would be on your side. Maybe one day you'd both be ready for something more.But for now, it was enough to be holding your best friend's hand in his cluttered mancave of an apartment. "Thank you, Adam." He grins, his uneven teeth poking through. "Anytime, kid."