King of Nothing (BxB)

Little White Lies

Trigger Warnings for language and bullying.  

Ash

Mom and I never had much.

People say that. They say it all the time. But I really mean it. We were dirt poor. The type of poor where you wash yourself up in the Walmart bathroom before school just to make sure you don't smell like sweat and concrete. The type of poor where you worry about going to school. Not because of the grades. Cause fuck the grades. Who cares about an A+ when you're slinking around in back alleys, hoping no one will see you dumpster diving for dinner.

No. The type of poor where you worry about going to school because the only thing you've ever worn since you were six was hand-me-downs and donations from the shelter, and all you can do is pray your shirt didn't come from one of your classmates. Because its happened before. And, if you're like me- not too smart, not too big, not too strong- you know they'll call you out on it.

They always do.

And you wanna know the worst part? The first time it happened, he was there.

Him. Of all the people in the world. Why did it have to be him?

"Look who it is, boys. What's his name again?" Kyle's voice echoed through the narrow corridor, bouncing off the rows of metal lockers. I tried to pretend like I didn't hear him. I really did. But I guess the way my hands curled into fists gave me away.

"Hey. Four eyes. Where the fuck do you think you're going?" Kyle snickered, stepping in front of me. "You really gonna walk by like you didn't hear us? Shit, you should be on your knees kissing our boots for even giving you the time of day."

"Who does he think he is?" I didn't have to turn to know who that was. Greg, Kyle's second in command. Everyone knew they ran the school. They were the gatekeepers. They ran Crested Butte High. If they said you were cool, you were cool. And if they said you were shit, you were absolutely fucked.

"Dunno Greg." Kyle snickered. "We're nice enough to take the time out of our day to say hi, and this loser wants to walk by with a chip on his shoulder like he's better than us."

"You think you're better than us?" Greg parroted, positioning himself behind me. Blocking me in.

I clenched my teeth. Tried to hold the words back. But they came out anyways. A temper like my Daddy, mother always used to say. "I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to." Kyle took a step towards me. Crowded me with his large frame and mocking smile. "Its all over your face, four eyes. You really think you have the right to ignore us?  Ignore me?"

"I have to go. I'm going to be late for class." It was a weak excuse. The way Kyle laughed as I pushed the words through gritted teeth told me he knew it too.

"Why? You're dumb as shit, just like your Father. You really think class is gonna do you any good? The only reason they even let you come to this school is because of all this affirmative action bullshit."

Liar. I wanted to argue, tell him I'd earned my scholarship by working hard. Getting good grades. But I already knew there was no point in arguing. He'd just find a way to twist it around anyways. I glanced to my right, looking for an escape. But there wasn't one. By now, a small crowd of students had gathered around us. Some people were laughing. Others were cheering Kyle on.

I should be used to it. It happened often enough. Maybe Kyle was right. Maybe I was dumb as shit. Dumb enough to let myself get corned by these assholes again.

"Aw come on now Ashley-"

"My name is Ash." 

"No one cares what your fucking name is." Kyle stepped forward and grabbed the front of my shirt. I could smell the alcohol on his breath, mixed with something else. "Listen, Ashley. I'm a nice guy. And since you're too stupid to understand, I'm going to break it down for you. This shirt you're wearing. It used to be mine. This school is mine too. And you know what that means? You're mine. I can call you whatever the fuck I want to call you. So if you don't want to spend the rest of your pathetic existence kissing concrete, you'd better get with the program."

I felt my face heat up. My hands lifted and tried to push him off before I could stop myself. Fighting back was the wrong move. They were twice my size. But I did, every time. Like a fucking idiot. Just like my Daddy. "Get off me."

Greg cackled, and I knew I'd walked right into their trap. "Guess he doesn't get it Kyle. Maybe we should teach him a lesson."

"A lesson in humility." Kyle smirked. "See, I was trying to be nice to you, Ashley. I mean, with your father locked up and your mother whoring on the streets, its gotta be hard to show your  face around here. Even almost felt bad for you. But this attitude of yours, its really getting on my nerves. Makes me want to take my shirt back.  That you're not grateful for all the hand me downs you get.  Hell, bet those shoes aren't yours either.  Or that belt. Or those jeans.  Explains why none of your shit ever fits."

Fuck. No. I tried to pull back, but his grip was strong. And my struggling only seemed to spur him on. He grabbed my collar with his free hand. I heard the fabric tear, even above all the laughing. Felt the nausea build up in my gut as I realized what was coming. They were going to strip me down. Right here, in front of everyone. Show the entire school just how much of a loser I truly was.

"Let go of me."

"Why, when everyone's enjoying the show? This is all you're good for anyways, Ash. You should be grateful we've finally found a use for you."

"Fuck off." I was truly struggling now. My glasses fell of my face, but even as blind as I was without them, it barely registered. The panic and anger were overriding the undeniable truth that it was useless. I wasn't strong enough to push him off. They were going to do whatever they wanted to do with me. And there wasn't a single fucking thing I could do about it.

"Hey guys, everything good?"

Turning to my right, I felt my stomach bottom out. Azure blue eyes and sandy blonde hair stared back at me. No. God, no. Of all the people in the world, why did it have to be him? Fin's eyes drifted from Kyle to Greg, then finally me. I couldn't hold his gaze. Looked down at the scuffed linoleum floor and wished with everything in me that it would just swallow me whole.

"Hey, Fin. Everything's good. Great actually." Kyle's voice was tight. He wasn't laughing anymore. "We were just playing around. Having some fun."

"Yeah?" Fin stepped out from the crowd. Kyle let go of my shirt and stepped back.

"Yeah. Just a little rough housing. You know how it is." Kyle slung his arm around my shoulder, like we were suddenly the best of friends. I shrugged it off and stepped away.

"No, Kyle. I don't." Fin didn't sound amused. The crowd around us fell silent. A couple people laughed awkwardly, trying to ease the sudden tension.

"My bad, Fin. We didn't mean any harm. Honest."

Fin raised a brow. "The bell rang five minutes ago."

"Right." Greg coughed awkwardly. He glanced at Kyle and cocked his head down the hall. "Sorry. Guess we didn't hear it. Thanks for looking out."

Kyle only hesitated for a moment before the two started down the hall. The rest of the crowd seemed to take the cue, slowly dispersing in different directions.

I took the opportunity to glance down at myself and assess the damage. My shirt was ripped from the collar down a couple inches, but honestly, it wasn't that bad. At least this time I wasn't walking away with a split lip or a black eye.

"You okay?" Fin's voice broke through my musings. I glanced up and tried not to look as pathetic as I felt. Tried to pretend not to notice as his eyes drifted to the tear in my shirt.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for...." I didn't know how to finish that sentence without sounding like a total loser. Then again, who the hell was I kidding? It was probably too late for that. Half the school had just watched Kyle toss me around like a rag doll. Like I wasn't shit. Like-

"Don't mention it. If they give you any more trouble, just let me know."

I nodded and suck another glance up at him. I was relieved to see his smile was relaxed and friendly. Not pitying like the looks I was used to getting from the few who didn't worship the ground Kyle walked on.

Kyle was an athlete and his family came from old money. So of course they'd side with him. It had nothing to do with me. At least that's what I told myself.  On good days, I even almost believed it.

"You want me to walk you to the the Principal's office? Make sure they don't get any bright ideas?" I couldn't help but smile at the thinly veiled sarcasm in Fin's voice. Apparently he wasn't a fan of them either.

Rumor had it he'd moved here over the summer. His father had invested in several of the manufacturing plants in town that had gone bankrupt when Covid hit. Half the kids in school had parents, siblings, or friends who worked there. They owed his father their jobs, and everyone knew it. Most of us would've had to move away if it weren't for him. Between that and his good looks, he would've fit right in with Kyle and Greg if he'd wanted to.

"Its okay." I tried to sound casual. We didn't have any classes together, so I'd never even talked to Fin before. But I'd seen him in the halls. How could I not? He was gorgeous. Half the school wanted to date him, and those that didn't wanted to be his friend.

"I don't mind. Really." Fin bent down and grabbed something. It wasn't until he handed them to me that I realized what. My glasses.

"Oh. Right." I laughed. Because fuck, what else was I supposed to do? Finley Dupont was actually giving me the time of day. And I probably looked worse than the grime and muck stuck to the bottom of his shoe.

"Here." My spine went stock straight as Fin reached forward and carefully placed my glasses back on my face. His movements were surprisingly gentle for someone with so many callouses. His hands lingered for a couple seconds before he pulled back. I tried not to flinch as his thumb brushed my cheek. "Good thing they didn't crack."

"They're plastic. More durable." Only a little white lie. It was true that plastic frames were harder to break. But Mom got them because they were cheaper. She'd saved for months just to afford them. Thank God they didn't break. She didn't need another problem to worry about.

"They suit you." Fin tilted his head to the side. "Brings out the hazel in your eyes."

I blinked. My eyes were brown. Dirt brown, with a muddy hint of yellow. I'd always hated them. "Th-thanks."

Fin nodded and stepped back. He was still smiling. "Let me walk you to Principal Reyes' office? Give me an excuse to get out of trig?"

I nodded past the lump in my throat. Of course. Anytime. Whatever you want, was what I wanted to say. All I could manage was a meek "Sure."

"You're a third year, right? A junior?"

I nodded as we began walking down the hall. "Yeah." It took me a couple seconds to realize I should probably introduce myself. "I'm Ash."

"Finley. But most people just call me Fin." I could feel his eyes on me as we walked. I couldn't tell whether he was actually curious, or if he was just humoring me. School had started a little over a month ago. He had to have heard the rumors about me. And my family. It made sense for him to be curious. "This happen a lot?"

I shrugged. "Not really." Another little white lie.

Fin was quiet just long enough for me to realize how close he was. Most people kept their distance from me. Probably worried that it might wash off, like being poor and ugly was contagious or something. But Fin was so close that our hands almost touched as we turned the corner. I tried to focus on what he was saying, but my mind was buzzing, trying to reconcile almost getting beat into a pulp with how Fin kept glancing over at me like I was the most interesting thing in the world.

I wracked my brain, tried to think of something interesting to say. Something to keep his attention, make me look smarter or stronger than I actually was. I still hadn't thought of anything by the time we reached Principal Reyes' office.

But Fin didn't seem to mind. He turned to me, tucked his hands into his pockets. Rocked back and forth on his heels, like he was mulling over something. "Hey, so I know Kyle and his band of Neanderthals can be a pain. I know we just met, and you don't really know me..." His cheeks flushed red as he ran a hand haphazardly through his hair. "But if you ever need someone to walk you home, or to class, or whatever..." His words drifted off into nothing. It took me a couple seconds to process what he was actually saying.

"I- you..." my voice broke. Was Finley Dupont actually offering to walk me home? Holy shit. Holy. Fucking. Shit. And Christ, if he only knew how bad I wanted to say yes. But I couldn't. If I did, and he did, he'd probably never even spare a second glance in my direction. "Thanks. Really. But you've already helped me out a lot. I'd feel bad taking up so much of your time."

"Nah, you wouldn't be. Well, I mean I guess you would technically but..." Fin let our a self-deprecating laugh. "Fuck. I'm sorry. I'm normally not so bad at this, I swear."

I laughed. "Me neither. I mean, I normally don't have the opportunity to ever be this bad at...this."

Fin grinned, dimples peeking out. "Guess that makes two of us then."

"Yeah." I wanted to say more. Come up with an excuse to drag out the conversation. But just as I opened my mouth, Principal Reyes popped his head through the door.

"Fin. Ash."

"Hey, Principal Reyes." Fin greeted him with a slight nod. I didn't miss the hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Shouldn't you two be in class?" Principal Reyes raised a burly brow.

"Yeah. We were. Ash needed to talk to you about something and I was just..." Fin glanced over at me, looking almost as reluctant as I felt. His shoulders slumped, and he shot me a lopsided smile. "I'm going. Sorry Principal Reyes. See you around, Ash?"

"Yeah. Yeah, definitely."

I watched Fin leave. Once he was out of earshot, I gave Principal Reyes some bullshit story about how I'd ripped my shirt tripping down the stairs. I don't think he bought it, but he didn't press me. Another little white lie. But at least this one wasn't for me. At least not entirely. Mom didn't need another problem, and that's exactly what I'd be if she found out about the run in between Kyle and I.

****


My sneakers scraped against the concrete as I made my way down 24th and Broadmoore. The walk home was long. Took me about an hour every day. But today, I was glad for it. It gave me time to sort through my thoughts. And how I must have dreamed up Fin asking to walk me home.

By the time I reached the outskirts of town, the burnt sun hung low in the sky, lazy rays peeking through the treeline. My sneakers sunk into the soft ground as concrete turned to dirt. My eyes took in the familiar sight that I woke up and went to bed to every day.  Shacks, most of them no larger than a couple bathroom stalls, splayed out as far as the eye could see.

Most people called it Tent City. In earnest, most of us weren't lucky enough to have tents. Scraps of rusted metal and cardboard, strung together with whatever we could find. I called it home, but it wasn't. Not really. Just a place to rest my head. The shelters had filled up, and for those of us that were homeless, this was the best alternative. It offered some measure or protection if you were lucky enough to have good "neighbors". We tried to look out for one another, but it's hard to be moral when it might mean starving to death or freezing in the rain.

It was dirty, surrounded by trash and scraps of whatever we'd managed to find on the streets, but it was mine.  I grimaced as I imagined what someone like Fin might think. He didn't seem like the judgmental type, but how could he not judge if he knew what I came from?

If he knew what I was?

I called this place home. But it wasn't, not really. Fin's father owned the town, and I owned a tent made of as much duct tape as tarp. I was the king of nothing.  And this might be my house, but it would never be home.  

A/N: This is my first attempt at a high school romance since writing Secrets That Kill.  I was in high school when I wrote Secrets That Kill, so it was much easier for me to slip into that frame on mind.  Any feedback on this new attempt is greatly appreciated.  Thank you for taking the time to read my work.