sinful

chapter five

With each passing week, we enter The Halloween season farther and farther. Since Ezra and i's argument, my favorite time of year has turned drab and boring. The other night I got a phone call from Valerie.

"Hey what's up!"

" Do you want to go to a Halloween party with me on Saturday ? Couple of girls from my soccer team invited me. It would be boring without you."

" Yeah, who's hosting it."

"Some seniors on the basketball team and their college friends. "

" Oh fuck it, I've got nothing to do on Saturday."

"Awesome! It'll be good to get you out of the house."

After our conversation, I walked downstairs and asked my grandmother. Grandma was far more excited that I'm actually going to a party rather than staying at home all weekend. This time, she didn't even lecture me about condoms.

I went home and spent the night with Valerie Friday evening. Halloween wasn't till Monday, but everybody chose to celebrate over the weekend, rather than being hungover on a school morning. Valerie had talked me into being a fairy with her, complete with flower hair clips, glitter eyeshadow, and cute little fairy wings. She had bought me a whole blue set, including a really cute silky satin pale blue button up with t-shirt sleeves. The shirt perfectly complements the pale pink dress she got for her costume because they are both made up of smooth faux silk.

I get ready with her Saturday night, just around 8:30 when the sun has fully set. "What time are we supposed to leave?" I say while applying light blue iridescent glitter to my eyelids.
"We should probably leave at about 8:45." She responded.
Simultaneously we both looked at our phones to check the time. "Fuck." we said in unison.

After rushing to get ready at lightning speed, and taking a couple of pictures for social media, we got into her car and put the fairy wings in the backseat.

We arrived at an upper class house in a gorgeous suburban neighborhood. It was everything you see about house parties and movies, lights flashing through the windows inside, and generic pop music being played so loudly. You can make out all of the words from a block away. I don't know how the wine mom next door hasn't already filed a noise complaint.

We strap on our wings and walk in through the front door, entering the overcrowded room that smelt of Victoria's secret perfume, sweat, and cheap alcohol. We navigate our way through the Sea of drunk teenagers. "On a scale of 1 to 10, how fucked up do you want to get tonight?" Valerie asks me.
I turn My head to look her in the eyes. "I'll be surprised if I can remember tonight by tomorrow." I responded.
Valerie smiled "My baby Jaspers are all grown up! I still remember your first hangover…" she stated as if she was a mother watching her child graduate the second grade.

We find the kitchen where the immaculate marble counters are covered in liquor bottles. I watch Valerie make some sort of concoction in my solo cup and write my name in sharpie on it before she hands it to me. I slowly lift the cup to my lips, I feel the alcohol begin to burn my taste buds before the liquid even touches my tongue. I take a deep breath, shut my eyes tight and take a big gulp. I felt it burn going down my throat. Normally, I'd maybe get through two overly sweet fruity cocktails in a night. But lately, I've needed to be intoxicated.

Valerie and I spend time mingling with her sports friends until turns to me and asks "do you want to dance?"

I hesitantly nod my head, she takes my hand and leads me back out into the living room where everyone is bumping and grinding all on each other. I've always been quite the shut-in. I don't go anywhere and sure as hell I do not go to parties. But as my body felt lighter and I could feel myself getting more and more drunk, I could also feel myself understanding exactly why this is the lifestyle that So many people enjoy. No wonder TV shows focus on parties and big social events like this, because the real life of an average teenager is nothing but sad and boring.

Being a total lightweight, by the time I finished my drink I was most definitely nowhere near sobriety.  As I continued to dance the night away, something caught my eye. Well more like someone caught my eye. Ezra stood leaning against a wall in the corner of the room, his black button up left open halfway down his chest, his long dark brown no longer tied into a ponytail but instead He left it down with his long bangs framing the side of his face. He smiled at the boy he was talking to. It was the same smile he used to show me. Small white fangs were glued on to his teeth, and a droplet of fake blood was drawn onto the corner of his mouth.
Whoever he was talking to must have been funny. Even though I couldn't hear his sweet laugh, I could see him smiling and giggling from across the room.

Valerie noticed I had stopped dancing, hell I think everyone might have noticed. As I continued to stare at Ezra, I continued to become more jealous. If only I could be the one speaking to him now. Oh how much I wish to be the one making him laugh as I once did. I felt someone tug on my arm, it must have been Valerie, but I didn't care to look. I couldn't remove my eyes from Ezra, as if my gaze was super glued on to him. I continued to stare until he glanced over and made eye contact with me. When his eyes met mine I felt an overwhelming wash of shame. By the time I look away, Val is still tugging at my arm. "Jasper! Come on, let's get you outta here." She says.
"Actually, I need to be alone for a second. I'm gonna go find the bathroom." I replied.

The lights flashed a new color with every blink I made, alternating between purple, green, and orange. Eventually in my wandering around the sea of people, I found an empty hallway that turned left two doors in, creating a perfect empty corridor for me to cool down in. I felt an overwhelming shame wash over my body, how could I be foolish enough to stare like that. I sat down in the far corner, my back against the hinges of the door. I brought my legs up to my chest and rested my head on my knees.
"Hey.. Jasp.."
I hear coming from above me.

I look up to see a familiar silhouette in front of me. "Ezra.." I whisper.
He crouches down to my level, anr joins me on the floor. "Look Ezra, I am just so so sorry for what I said to you" I could hear my own words slurring as I spoke.

He took my hand into his and leaned in close, I could smell the liquor on his breath. "I know. I'm sorry too, I never should have done that." He utters. His fingers trace along my jawline, he lets out a sigh as he looks into my teary eyes. Ezra leans in, I can feel his alcohol soaked breath at the tip of my nose. I'm just about to lean in before a moment of sobriety dawns on me.  I put my hand on his bare chest, just where the shirt he wore is left unbuttoned, and pushed him a few inches back.
"Ezra you're drunk. Trust me, I want to kiss you, all I've ever wanted was to kiss you. But neither of us are sober. I don't want you doing what you will regret tomorrow." I say quietly.
Ezra lets out a soft chuckle and smiles at me."They call it liquid truth don't they?" He asks.
"Yes but-" I get cut off by Ezra placing his pointer finger right along my cupid's bow. "No more buts. I want to kiss you right now, I don't care what tomorrow me would want because right now nothing is more appealing than your sweet lips. So stop with the bullshit and just kiss me." He says, his face leaning closer to mine, and his finger sliding down my chin, and his hand cupping my jawline softly.

I interlock my lips with his, his hand moving from my jaw, to my neck, then my shoulders, then trailing down my chest and resting at my waist, pulling my body closer in. I felt him smile against my lips. I couldn't stop myself from grinning and pulled away. Ezra looked into my eyes longingly. In the dim lighting I could still see tears welling in his eyes.
"Yo! Ezra! Where did you go?!" We heard calling from around the corner of the hallway. He stood up immediately and walked away "shit. I gotta go." He says quickly as he turns his back.
I could hear their conversation from where I sat

"Hey dude, there you are! What took you so long?"

"Oh yeah sorry. I was having trouble finding the bathroom."