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Cold

I'm applying  pressure to the wound  whilst staring into my dying brother's eyes. I'm watching the life drain from them, from him. I can tell that I'm loosing him. There's nothing I can do except star CPR.Pretend this is just a patient, be cold and professional. Do my job. He loses consciousness and I start compressions.  After what seems like hours,  I hear my father say "Andrea talk to me. What do I do? Let's switch"

I ignore him, I've got this. Keep going. Each breath stings my chest, my arms ache, my legs shaking. I stop quickly to give him breaths. 1,2,3.
Then I start compressions again. Keeping count. Praying that the paramedics gets here soon.

"They're on their way. We have to meet them at the road" yells a man

"Where the hell is their helicopter?!" I yell

"Only available unit is an hour away they said, so they sent what they had"

Fuck fuck fuck. I think. Okay, the truck bed, that will work.

"Get the truck!" I yell

When the truck finally gets to us, I pause my compressions quickly while they lift Lee into the truck bed. I hop up quickly and continue CPR while they drive us out of here and to a main road.

As I continue compressions and try to avoid looking into Lee's lifeless eyes, the truck comes to a halt and two paramedics run up to us.

"GSW to left lower quadrant, unconscious for 15 minutes. Severe blood loss, no pulse and receiving CPR. No change"

The paramedics load him into their vehicle.  My father jumps in the back with Lee and they take slam the doors. The slam makes me flinch. The next thing I know they are taking off with lights and sirens.

I look down to take a breath and see the blood on my hands. Lee's blood. I can't take my eyes off them. It feels like hours that I've been staring at my palms. Every inch is covered in thick dark blood. I just stare until I see large hands cover mine.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up" I hear Ryan say but I don't move, I can't move. Ryan puts his arm around the small of my back and starts to guide me.  Finally, my dreadfully heavy legs start to move and follow Ryan. Maneuvering through the large crowd, we eventually get to the livestock trailer and he gently dumps my hands into a pail of water. The clear water turns a pale red as Ryan rubs my hands with his, lacing our fingers together to rub every inch of the blood off of my hands. Then he removes our hands and gently drys them.

I turn to look for Kayce,  but he is no where in sight. 

I feel empty,  cold. He isn't going to make it. I know he isn't. My brother is gone and I couldn't save him.

I don't know how I got there, but I suddenly realize I am in the back seat of the truck. I look out the window and realize where we are, about 10 minutes from the ranch.
We aren't going to the hospital. They know.

"He's gone, right?" I ask as I keep my head down

"Sorry, Pip" Rip replies

My heart felt like it was on fire. My blood boiled. Every inch of my body crawled. My brother is gone. I knew he would be...but I hoped. There was never any hope to have.