heaven is you - rj oneshots

i feel like i'm drowning.

cw // tw ! ! description of an anxiety attack.

+ + + +

"Should I go for it?" I say as I'm lifted up to the basketball hoop.

I held it by the basket for a moment, as I had been told to hold the suspense for a little bit by Miss Jenn. I took this opportunity to search around in the crowd for my mom, as I hadn't seen her all night. Not even before the performance, and she promised me she would say hi before the show.

    She never did, which already stung. I hadn't seen my mom in months after she divorced my dad for Todd. She's stayed in Chicago, with Todd of course. How am I supposed to trust her anymore after she couldn't even hold up to the simplest of promises for her only damn child. When I had just become a teenager, I had started to sense that my mom hadn't even wanted me in the first place. Somehow, I've gotten over that grudge I held for years. I quickly realized after she had left for Chicago that I can't be mad I'm not what my mom planned for.

    Then, after a brief second, I saw her, smiling, looking normal next to my dad, which is something I hadn't seen in years. I smiled, but then I saw my worst fears. A guy came in late, walked over to my mother, and kissed her cheek as he sat down next to her. There was too much change going on. Todd. My jaw dropped a little. Not only did he come in late, my mom didn't even tell me he was coming? Mother of the year award. I mentally scoffed, and a memory played quickly in my mind of a fight my parents had. I was sitting at the top of the stairs, unbeknownst to my parents. I had just gotten off my phone call with my girlfriend at the time, Nini. I had to hang up because of my parents arguing. Suddenly, there I was again, I was fifteen again.

+ flashback +

    "I don't give a shit about what you say, Mike. I'm going to Chicago," My mother whispered angrily, pure malice on her face.

     "Lynne, just think about-,"

     "Think about what, Mike? We don't work. I know what you're going to say. I don't care what you think about me moving. I'm going to Chicago, and there's nothing your pathetic ass can do about it."

    She hissed, my dad's blank expression not shifting. My dad had always been more reasonable than my mother, I had always thought.

     "That's not what I was going to say, Lynne. I just want you to think about our son. You know how much that kid loves you. This change will crush him, Lynne. I just want you to be reasonable, for once. Use logic instead of your emotions."

    "You know what, I don't care what Ricky thinks either. His annoying ass can go cry about it to his annoying girlfriend. I didn't want the little bitch in the first place. We both know he was an accident, Mike. I'm surprised you care as much as you do. Goodbye."

     "Lynne, he's my son. Of course I care, maybe you should try it sometime. Try it on your new boyfriend, Todd."

     Those last words seemed to hit my mom hard, but it didn't make her sad, for some reason. She looked even more mad than I had ever seen her before. Her eyes were filled with rage, a fire burning off pure spite. My mom clicked the handle up on her suitcase, her heels clacking on the wooden floor by the front door. She didn't fail to slap my dad on the way.

    Her words cut like a knife in my back. I knew it, I had started to suspect it two years ago, when my parents started acting indifferent to each other. I didn't hear from my mom for months after that, until she came back and my parents officially told me they were splitting up. The sad thing about this, is that I had always looked up to my mom. I always thought she was some sort of a badass lawyer. Those feelings dwindled quickly, learning how she actually felt about me.