Honne; Tatemae

Chapter 35

Kaylee

"Here." Napaangat yung tingin ko sa chicken and ham sandwich na nakawrap pa. Pero kahit ganoon ay naaamoy ko pa iyon kaya bigla tuloy akong nakaramdam ng gutom. "It's your mother's favorite." dugtong pa ni Mom.

Kahit hindi sigurado ay inabot ko iyon mula dito at inilapag sa gilid. Uminom muna ako ng tubig mula sa tumbler ko habang panay ang punas sa tumutulong pawis sa magkabilang gilid ng pisngi.

"Thank you." I whispered after taking few sips of water.

Mom nods her head and takes the space beside me, sitting comfortably on the wooden chair as she lay her head on the backrest.

"What brings you here?" I couldn't help but to ask. It's so rare for her to come here ever since.

"Is that your way of dismissing me?"

I just had my work-out. Plano ko sana na maligo na pagkatapos at umalis ng bahay para pumunta kung saan. Kahit saan ako abutin. I'll just find a place to sleep in wherever my sense of direction leads me.

But Mom came.

Probably to finally discuss everything. For her, it's all about negotiations and compromise. Yung mga ganito na alitan, hindi namin pwedeng takbuhan dahil hindi niyon mareresolba yung problema. We need to talk about it and to come up with a solution that's both favorable to both of us.
Though I am not expecting that she will act this fast.

I am expecting kasi na aabutin pa iyon ng ilang linggo o baka nga buwan pa.

"Thank for this, Mom." Inangat ko na lang yung sandwich para iwasan yung tanong nito.

Uubusin ko na iyon agad para matapos na at makaalis na ako. Because the truth is, now that Mom is sitting here beside me, the ambiance is now suffocating me.

I don't think I could spend time with her right now. Nor I could be able to hold myself back if she starts talking about Payne again.

Ayoko na sumbatan ito. Ayoko na magtanim ng galit dito.

Whatever she might have done in the past, it's all over now. There's nothing she can do to atone for that sin. And even if she's sorry, she can't undo what has been done.

We just have to make it right. For Payne.

And the greatest thing that we can give Payne is peace of mind.

Away from all of us.

I slowly unwrap the sandwich. The aroma filled my nostrils that made my stomach growl in hunger. Noon ko lang naalala na hindi nga pala ako nagdinner kagabi dahil iniiwasan ko talaga na makaharap si Mom.

I took a mouthful bite.

Surprisingly, this one surpass my expectations of how chicken and ham sandwich should be. Lasang lasa ko pa kasi yung mga spices habang nginunguya iyon sa bibig ko. The chicken is so tender and flavorful that perfectly blends the saltiness and slight sweetness of the ham. Even the bread that has been used is so soft and perfectly-baked.

Why have I not tried this one before?

"Sa tuwing iiyak yung Mommy mo noon kapag nanggaling sa break-up, ayan lagi yung hinihingi nya sakin." Basag ni Mom nang mapansin na nagustuhan ko yung sandwich na inabot nito.

Napatitig ako sa hawak ko.

There's no doubt that this is one of my mother's favorites. It's becoming my favorite too.

"It's really good." Kumagat ulit ako ng isa pa sa sandwich. I chew it slowly, making sure to enjoy every bite.

This one is too effin' good to end soon.