THE TRUE STORY OF THE TRIBULATIONS FACED BY ALPHA MALES

Hedge Fund

Roma was 6,8, incredibly shredded, with brown eyes like limpid tears. Pulling women was no issue for Roma, but finding a genuine, traditional woman to make a real christian connection with was difficult. They were all so boring. They didn't understand mutual funds like Roma, or share her need to accumulate wealth. Being a man with shares in the stocks of over 47 companies, Roma had no trouble finding woman. They seemed to flock to her like money to ponzi schemes. Unfortunately though, Roma's sigma mindset was too strong.
Our story begins on a Casual Tuesday. Roma was on hole 3 of the Hole In Your Mom- Trump Branch Golf course. Sitting in the golf cart, Roma reclined in her 3 piece suit, sipping a gallon bottle of Fireball. Reaching into the cup holder of the car, Roma retrieved a perfectly white golf ball. She set her gallon down and wound up. The ball flew through the air and disappeared into the hole 30 meters away.
"Another perfect shot, sir." Said Romas Assistant , a recent hire whose aspirations laid in Accounting, Dixie D'melio.
Roma didn't respond, instead taking out the remote to her assistants shock collar and hitting the highest setting. This was Dixie's sign to get the cart moving to the next hole.
It was then, right after her assistant shuddered with the pain of 6000 voltz, that Roma saw her. The perfect woman. Roma could see her face piercings glittered in the sun as she pulled back her golf club to swing. Her shaved head glowed in the fading sunlight. Tattoos ran up and down her arms. Roma spotted her favorite one immediately, a purple coffee cup holding hands with an orange donut. That's just like the IRS and the United States Governments executive branch, Roma thought in wonder.
"Stop the car." Roma said immediately.
From this angle Roma could get a much better veiws of this georgus woman. Roma could tell she was a woman in charge, she's never gonna quit because her dreams are large, scared of a woman who stands tall and proud she is not afraid to make her voice heard loud.  Roma stepped out of the golf cart , bending her muscular 6'8 frame out and stepping onto the Green. The woman looked at her, frowning.  She looked Roma Up and down.
"You are blocking the sunlight. " The woman said, her voice so angelic she could be a singer.
" The sun was extinguished years ago in the Blood space War." Roma reminded her.
The woman didn't say anything.
"Can I have your number baby girl?" Roma asked
The woman shook her head. "I only date men who would fit in a Dunkin Cooler"
Defeated, Roma folded herself back into the golf cart. It was hard to fit in there as she was 8'6 after all. She shocked Dixie's collar again, this time a lower voltage. At this command, Dixie floored the cart, the woman's body crunching in their wake as they drove to hole 5. Roma would never face this sort of defeat again, she vowed.

The next day Roma woke up, rolling out of bed to examine her closet. Roma had an important Investment Meeting today with Mia Khalifa and needed to look sharp. She selected her red fish nets with pentagrams that she had cut toes holes out of and a black mini skirt covered in blue spray paint, the word HES COMING written all over the faberic in neon yellow blood. Incase she got cold, Roma decided to wear a hoodie. Mowing over to her closet, Roma selected her favorite blue tweed suit to put over base layer. Then she sat down to paint her nails. Both pinkies painted brown, her middle and index pink, the rest left unvarnished. She got some brown nail polish on her sleeves but she didn't mind. It would probably come off in the wash. Dixie was good at scrubbing. Then she selected her platform Prada Monoliths that she had attached stiletto heels to with galaxy ducktape. Feeling accomplished, Roma hailed an Uber Premium to her Pent House Apartment's Door. She waited on the couching, petting her pure white cat, Cociane Flower as she waited.
"Where are those damn beta uber drivers" Roma growled in a very dominant voice.
Cociane flower got up from the couch and walked over to her speech buttons. after a moments thought, Cociane Flower daintily picked up her foot and BEGAN TO press buttons. MCDONALDS. ANAL. HORSE.
Roma nodded knowingly. She would have to make Dixie bring Cociane Flower fresh meat later.

Roma starts a ponzi scheme where she gets discord kittens to recruit more discord kittens until she can buy discord