My Insides Are Reflected In My Mirror

Without Even Knowing Where I'm Going, I'm Just Running

Felix let his gaze wander outside, feeling exhausted, yet unable to go back to sleep.

What he'd witnessed in Seungmin's mindscape still haunted him.

For how long... has he been feeling slighted by my very existence...?

Seungmin had yet to wake up, even though it had already been three days since the incidents. Healer Kim had assured him that it was simply Seungmin's body's way of coping with the abrupt dispel of the curse after years of fighting it, meaning he would be alright, but it didn't help Felix's mixed feelings at all. Seungmin's anger, jealousy, resentment. His genuine regret for the way he hurt Felix in the past, his most adamant efforts to protect him, even though it meant risking his own life. And then his hidden feelings for Jeongin, which neither time nor the curse had allowed to dissipate.

Felix didn't want Seungmin to get hurt, and he certainly didn't hold him accountable for what he'd done under the curse's influence. However, his actions and words back in their first year had still been his own, then, and knowing now just how much deeper they ran, Felix felt... lost. At some point in their relationship, Seungmin had begun viewing him as a rival rather than a friend. And when matters of the heart got involved, it only led to this mess. He could understand his pain, to an extent, but did it truly justify just how cruel he'd been to him?

Not in Felix's book, it didn't.

But despite all of it, he still tried to protect me... So he doesn't entirely hate me, after all.

"Ugh!"

Annoyed by his own feelings, Felix abandoned the window to go lay down in bed again – he'd been forced to take another day off to completely recover. Part of him wished Jeongin would have stayed with him, if only to distract him from this annoying train of thoughts, but he also knew that he couldn't just rely on Jeongin all of the time, either.

I'll need to figure this out for myself, he decided, eyes narrowed at a spot on the ceiling.

He tried his hardest to ignore the smidge of hope now tainting his bruised heart.

.

"Felix, would you mind talking for a bit...?"

During the whole time Felix had spent in Protego, Chan had kept his word and avoided him to the best of his abilities, never engaging directly in conversation and leaving the room as soon as Felix entered. So, to say he was surprised when the older outright sought him out would be an understatement.

Still, he had a feeling of what this would be about, so he simply nodded and followed Chan to his office. He was only half-surprised when he found none other than Minho and Hyunjin already waiting inside and, though admittedly intimidated, Felix tried his hardest not to let it show.

"I'm sorry, we don't mean to make you feel cornered or anything—"

"Just get to the point."

Felix did feel cornered, but he couldn't outright deny it – though that didn't mean he had to admit it. So, he stood right by the door, as stiff as a board, ready to leave at a moment's notice. At that point, he didn't know what was more suffocating – the stares, or the silence.

"... you know we're not going to hurt you, right? You don't have to hold your wand so tightly," remarked Minho, sadness tinging his voice.

His tone irked Felix, whose grip on his wand only tightened. Though it was hidden in the holding pocket sewed inside his left sleeve, Minho was training to become a professional Curse Breaker. As such, it was only natural that he'd notice Felix's defensive stance.