The Gambling Addict

I just lost another game of poker; life is not going well at the moment. I am a full-fledged gambler. I play to win but always lose. It's a tough addiction when I am at it almost every day. I became this way because I felt like there was no alternative. It was either this or drugs, and I am barely realizing that these both kill you slowly. My mind is telling me to quit, but my body is at the table ready for another flop. I keep losing money and my rent is due in a couple of days. I can't beg my mom again, I don't want to put her in that situation.

I keep thinking that I will get better. "This time for sure, I'll win a pot that will sweep me off of my knees!" Miracles don't happen, I learned this the hard way. Aside from my gambling struggles, I have a full-time job as a busser, I use all the money I gain from this job to support my addiction. I want to change my ways, but it's the same with everyone that suffers from an addiction, it's not easy getting back on your feet. I barely eat and provide for myself nowadays, always asking "what if" but not in terms of what I could do differently, it's more of "what if I go all in", or "what if he's bluffing". My life is in shambles, depressed and addicted.

The reason I am like this is because I became intrigued by the negative side of adulthood. I had just turned 21 and thought I could rule the world. I felt like I could get anything I ever wanted, and my friends at the time thought so as well. One day can change your life, for better or worse. My life turned out to be in the worse category. I listened to others around me and became a monstrosity of a man. Influence and peer pressure are what got me to be who I am today. When you are young, you don't think, and you start to let others control your mind.

I am 25 now, and I have been on this path ever since. In the beginning, I won more than I lost, and I had enough maturity to fold or leave the table if things got a little rough. Now, I am a disgrace of a man who only cares about gaining more money than what I lost. I am stuck in an endless loop, I need to get out of it. I spent my last $250 in my account for these chips that I've just lost to some random guy that has been winning a little too much lately. Suspicious, if you ask me. He was sitting next to me, curious and distressed as I was, I asked him,

What's your name?

"My name is Lucius how may I help you?"

Hey Lucius, you must have lady luck on your side today.

He looked at me with concerning eyes, as if I have just stepped on a landmine.

"Hahaha, you're wrong buddy, there is no luck at play here, only me and these chips."

The table took a break, and Lucius went to go cash his ships in. I got up seconds after him, to not seem suspicious, I grabbed my drink and walked steadily towards him. I asked him,

What will you do with all of this money you have?

"I will most likely go back in and gamble this along with my life."

Your life? What do you mean by that?

"Exactly how it sounds buddy!"

I was a little confused, but in a way, I understood him. I am basically to the point where I can gamble my life away, I need something, nothing else matters right now. I wanted to know why he was winning and how he does it. I assume he is a con artist and I wanted in on his con. I told him,

I want in.

"You want in? Sure, for a fee"

Fee? I have nothing to give. What do you want?

"I want your life."

As I said, nothing else mattered, I will gladly give anything I have so I can become better than who I am right now.