Advice Column For Difficult times: I'm not an unfit mom

I'm not an unfit mom

Y'all it's been a while since I did a Wattpad story. I actually had given up on the idea of writing because really I thought nobody was listening to anything I had to say, but now I realize that this is a very important story that I really feel like I should get out that I've been holding in for a really long time.

I've been going through a very rough time in my life right now and it's very intimate and it's very embarrassing for me but I think it would help someone out there so I'm going to tell it. I have three children ages seven six and two, two girls and one boy but my son in particular is really what I'm going to be centering this story around. My son is very special I love him so much and he is attached to his mother but he is also attached to his father. I think that he favors his father over me but I'm his mom and I do realize that I'm irreplaceable. recently we had a family matter that was really private and I did ask his father to keep it that way I did have to disclose personal details only because it included our son. Let me go back a bit you see, my son's father is really not his biological father he's a stand-in father and when I was pregnant with our son, there were two possibilities of who could be the dad. well I was really really sure but we took a paternity test and it ended up being the other guys but the other guy didn't want anything to do with my son so the stand in father stood up to the plate. I let him be a part of his life against my better judgment I let my son go stay with the stand in father and his mother while I was recovering from my battle with postpartum depression, well after I recovered I wanted my son back but the stand in father did not want to give me my son back so we came to an agreement where I would let my son go visit him ever so often so he could stay in his life even though I did not have to do this, they have grown close over time and developed a very strong bond that I felt would be detrimental to my son if I broke it. I decided to deal with this man for 5 plus years even though I did not have to and really didn't want to but for the sake of my son I did. My son doesn't know that this isn't his real dad he just knows that he loves him and he thinks the world of him ,but this stand in father is starting to get on my nerves because he is taking his position too far. He is consulting with my dad and great aunt about possibly getting on my son's birth certificate without talking to me about it first although this is something that we did talk about in the past but never made any action, at this stage I do not want him on the birth certificate. I am married to a whole nother man and I just want the stand in father to go away but I can't say these things without hurting him or my son so I keep them to myself but really I just want my son and my two girls and for us to just go live a life away from them. I am about to get a divorce and really I'm just over my ex and my husband. I just want to live a life with my kids- SINGLE, HAPPY, STRESS FREE. He has been in my son's life ever since day one and I do have to give him credit for that but now they are just doing too much what I mean by they is the stand-in father and his mother are doing way too much they have become invasive in my life and in my son's life and yes they do help a lot and they come in handy when I need a babysitter or someone there for support, but the mom she has to tell everything that goes on everything! and this was one of the main reasons why me and her son did not make it or could not make it. She was very much a part of our relationship so much a part of our relationship I felt that it was too much for me to continue. My ex is a mother's boy and I do understand that because his mom was really the only parent he had growing up she makes a lot of the decisions in regards to her son and he is 34 or 35 years old something like that he really could be older than that. His mom was diagnosed with cancer around the time he told me he wanted to move. With her diagnosis, of course that prevented him from moving and he started spending even more time with his mom which is understandable after a scare like cancer. He has been staying with his mom forever so he's never moved away he's had the same job since he was 18 I think I remember him telling me that we are both from a very small town where everyone practically knows everyone and when we took the DNA test for my son and it came out that it was not his son, she (his mom) went and told everybody how embarrassing!? I was 17 years old at the time and at that time everyone opinion of me mattered very much and she even went and told my father before I had a chance to tell my father because at first I really wasn't going to tell my father because I was embarrassed and her son and I already discussed him standing up as the dad so we would keep this thing a secret, but his mother quickly ruined the plans for that. We are not bad people and we did not plan on lying to our son this long, but he got so old to the point it became really too late for us to go back on it with him not being his father we were pretty much In too deep. His mother made it seem like she loved me and wanted to do whatever I needed her to do for me but I really stopped trusting her because everything I confided in her about she went and told somebody I didn't even know. People were making judgments about me that I didn't even know I barred her from seeing my son and I barred the stand-in father too this caused him to be very depressed and that made me sad because his mother would call me and tell me that he would cry all the time and he was in this messed up State of mind so I ended up having a soft spot in my heart and let them start seeing my son again against my better judgment. I should have kept it the way it was because now that they were back in my son's life they started becoming a pest in my life we started splitting holidays together we started getting visitation together and they even threw my son a birthday party without me. It was horrible but I kept dealing with it because my son loved that family but it hurt me and broke me in the process. I even went into a deep depression again my son was favoring this family over me and in my heart I knew that they weren't even blood relation but they were loving and taking care of my son better than me I felt. I was making arrangements that I didn't even have to make, I moved 4 hours away but I was still allowing them to see my son and still allowing them to get him and take him away maybe even a week at a time. I was losing my mind and we were all delusional by this point my son will be six this 30th and now I want to break up the relationship but I will look like a monster if I do this. They have overstepped major boundaries and I have talked to them about this plenty of times in the past would I be wrong if I just stop talking to them? block them? and just don't have anything else to do with them from this day on? The reason why I am thinking so hard about severing the relationship with my son his stand-in father and grandmother is because of this recent issue that has happened. Like I said we had a private family matter that I told him about because I thought that he should know because it involved our son and I asked him to keep the matter private and he told his mom and his mom told everyone. This was disrespectful in my eyes because I did ask them and they did not respect my wishes when I texted them they would not respond so maybe they knew what they did was wrong but I know that they won't ever stop telling personal business because I've asked her not to tell personal business in the past and she still did. What's so hard to understand when I say let's keep Family matters private? and you still go and tell the business anyway are they just not hearing me or do they just not like me so anything that embarrasses me or that I don't feel good about they tell it anyway? because they know it would hurt me I would hate to purposely think that anybody would just do anything simply to spite me or hurt me but that is what it feels like this family is doing, I even told his mom that day that please don't tell anyone because I am embarrassed. She agreed that it was an embarrassing situation but still proceeded to tell everyone anyway. I am at my wits end with this family and I just want to cut ties but like I said if I do cut ties this will hurt my son tremendously. I don't think I'm being irrational or I'm overreacting it's just these people aren't even his family and every right that they have to him is what I gave them. They were making plans about my son coming back down south going to school where the stand-in father lives and I was not okay with it, but during the circumstances my aunt had the say so. The stand-in father mother is friends with my aunt and my aunt really would do anything they ask her to do. Nobody is really considering my feelings and the matter even though it has a lot to do with my kids and still hurts me as a mother for people to make decisions for my kids without consulting me. I am at risk for losing custody if I don't do what the state wants me to do which I am going to do what they want me to do but they have already in their minds that I am a monster of a mother and that I am not going to comply with the state, but I promise I am going to comply because I will not let these people get custody of my children. The embarrassing situation was that I might lose custody and I did not want anybody to know that that was for me and me only it was already a tough time for my kids having to be away from home especially right before Christmas and they made it into some type of Big show and invited everyone to come in and judge me and possibly make fun of me. I've asked everywhere I could for suggestions on what I should do with the matter but I brought it up to this family several times and my wishes still aren't being respected but she not only talks about my business she used to tell me everybody else's business too when I was still dating her son she is just messy but that's just some people but I still don't like it. sometimes I feel as if they are just trying to help but that's not the kind of help that I need if you are going to talk about me just don't help me if you have to tell everybody how you help me and I just think that is so wrong that whenever I tell the stand in father something he has to go back and tell his mom he's literally an old man 34 to 35 something like that I don't know how old he really is, I just know he's too old to be telling his mom everything. I've been off of social media because there's no telling who his mom has told about the situation and like I said I am embarrassed about it and I don't want to be on social media and I don't want my messenger open so people can come in and pry and ask me questions. She was blocked on social media accounts for a reason not because I was mad at her but because I knew that if I posted anything, she would go back and tell someone I did not want her to tell ,so in order to avoid that I just took her off of all of my social media platforms. Why are they like that? I don't know they don't think I'm a good mom I think they just really want my son for themselves so anything they can do to make me look bad they will do it. What should I do any suggestions leave a comment on this story thanks