My Color (A MakoHaru Fan Fiction)

Chapter Six

As Haru fell deeper and deeper in love with Makoto, he realized he would have to tell him sooner or later, or he would hit the ground.

It wasn't just a crush.

He had to prepare. He had to tell Makoto. His life was a mix of emotions, and it felt like a tornado whirring around him.

Sadness.

Fear.

Anger.

All whooshing around him, and the worst thing was that he was already sucked up into the cyclone. Maybe he could be saved, maybe it was all over. He didn't know for sure.

But what he did know for sure was he needed to let his feelings out. He needed to be honest, and he needed to vent.

Haru's thumbs jammed against the video game buttons as he leaned forward towards the television screen. No matter how competitive and passionate Haru was, he would never beat Makoto.

And it was weird.

Makoto didn't even try.

It was like he just played because he was bored. Haru wondered, if that one time he won as a child, Makoto let him win.

Ah, Haru was stalling again.

He glanced over at Makoto, who was intensely focused and concentrated. It was insane how someone so perfect could live in such a terrible world. His face was chiseled by the gods, and his fluffy mess of brown hair was an imperfectly perfect frame for his face. His glasses were sloppily propped on his pointy nose, dorky came to mind.

He had fallen in love all over again. It wasn't just an appreciation of outer beauty, but inner beauty as well. Makoto's heart was wrapped in his sensitivity and his mindset and outlook on life sent shivers down Haru's spine. Makoto might've looked like just a big sweetheart, and he was, but he was also so much more.

Makoto was practically a fictional character sent down from heaven to make girls swoon and guys question their heterosexuality.

"Hey, Makoto." Haru began.

"Hey." Makoto set his controller down to turn his full attention to Haru.

"Don't get mad." Haru said, "but..."

"Yeah?" Makoto urged.

"I like you."

Haru had blurted it out, and it was so fast he couldn't tell if Makoto had even understood it.

"I mean- I just. I like you. That's what I said, Makoto." Haru flubbed.

"What?" Makoto could hardly mutter the words.

"I. Like. You. You've helped me. I didn't think I could be helped before you came along and... whatever. You make me feel... happy, okay?" Haru blabbed. He looked at Makoto shamefully.

Makoto's expression was unreadable. Haru thought he saw a little smile for a smidgen of a second, but it was gone as soon as it appeared.

"Hey, Haru." Makoto chewed his lip nervously.

Haru looked at him expectantly.

"It feels nice, knowing that someone likes me and all, but," Makoto paused before sighing and looking up at Haru.

"Haru, I don't like you like that."

And there it all went. Haru's color, his friendship with Makoto. All flushed down the drain. It was so sudden, too. Almost so sudden that Haru couldn't even comprehend what was going on. He couldn't understand until realization hit.

Karma punished him for his selfishness.

It's all gone.

Friendship laughed at him.

It's all gone.

And he had understood now.

It's all gone.

"I need to go."

And Makoto was gone.

Haru wanted to wallow in self-pity. And when Makoto left, he did. Everything was grey again. Haru knew everything would leave. So he had prepared his bathtub. Water overflowing the edge, the little dolphin toy floating blissfully.

Haru wished everything could be blissful.

But it couldn't.

Because Makoto was gone.

And everything had gone to waste.

Haru was contradicting himself. He had looked down upon crying and whining over losing a special relationship. He was killing himself.

Haru had only focused on his plights, focused on Rin and his family. He was blinded by the very thing that took his color away and left him with Makoto.

And now Makoto was gone, and Rin was gone, and his family was gone.

Everything was gone.

Everything except his bathtub water.

So he drowned himself in it until he couldn't breather any longer and the water was chilling his bones. And then he took a deep breath from the surface. And the cycle started over again.

His fingers had become pruned and his teeth were close to shattering from all of his shivering. He had become unbelievably pale as his life was sucked away from him. Who had given life the right to do this to him?

All he did was lie in bed, refusing to eat or go outside. Nagisa and Rei had tried many times to ask him what happened, but he would just mumble incoherent phrases along the lines of "Too much effort," or "I'm tired."

Everything was miserable.

"Haru-chan." Nagisa had groaned, "You can't sleep all day!"

"What even happened, Haruka-senpai?" Rei asked.

"Mako-chan rejected Haru-chan." Nagisa frowned, "It was bad, Haru-chan told me."

"Why did no one tell me?" Rei asked.

"Not the time, Rei-chan." Nagisa murmured as he stared intently at Haru lying in bed.

"Haru-chan," Nagisa shook Haru, "You need some bread."

"I'm tired." Haru mumbled simply.

And in that moment, Nagisa was sure of what Haru needed.

"Haru-chan, I know what you really need."

"Nagisa-kun?" Rei asked, worried.

"A boyfriend!"