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Things with Rashad have been so awkward.
It's like we're back to square one, the way we were when we got married.
It's just been two days since our argument and he treats me like I'm invisible and it's hurts a lot, I just want us to be happy.

We're going to my parents house to see them but I also want to talk to Mami regarding my ex plus Zainab got back and has been misbehaving so I have to handle that too.
We're also going to go see Nasir and Zoya. I know her due date is in the next few weeks not to mention the fact that she and Rashad—let's just say their relationship has been rocky.

So while my husband is conversing with my father in the living room, I'm with my mother in her bedroom.
"Who told you?" She asks nervously.
"That isn't what matters now"

He huffs "We did it to protect you but saying you want to remember is just plain stupid"
"No Mami I need this"

"Why do you need it? Do you still feel the nagging thing?"
I shake my head "No it's stopped even though I don't take the pills".

"Why aren't you?"
"Because I want to remember".

She hisses "That's my problem with you, you can be so stupid. You're happily married, with a child and in-laws that love you and yet you want to remember something that brought you nothing but misery? You want to go back to being depressed? I don't blame Rashad, why should he stay with you when you brought it upon yourself. I'm saying if you remember and fall into depression again why should he stay with you? If it was depression because you're pregnant or not happy that's fine but depression because you forced yourself to remember your late ex? That doesn't make sense and I want any idea you have of that out of your head because if you do, don't expect I or your father to be there, okay?"

I nod.
"Now, Abba has held his grandson enough I'll go get him" she walks out.

And almost immediately Zainab comes in with a pout on her face.
"What's wrong?" I ask worriedly.

"Can I come with you? Stay at your place?"
I shake my head "No, Abba wants you here plus you just got back from Kaka's house, you've been there for months and now they want you home"

"Please, they annoy me"
I scoff "That's a foolish thing to say, your parents annoy you? So what am I going to tell them? That you want to leave?"
She smiles "Well—you could tell them that I'll help take care of Fareed"

"Nope. They know Fai'za's already doing that"
"Then she can go back"

I laugh hysterically "No, Fai'za isn't going back to an empty house alone, she's a girl"
"But she has Zoya and I only have you"

I shake my head "She's staying with me"
"You've really forsaken your family for another, why? Because they're richer?"
"Because Fai'za is hardworking and even though she doesn't talk much, she listens and she takes care of Fareed without a complain, I could say she enjoys it but you, I have known you a lot longer than you've known yourself Zainab. You're only going there to escape Mami and Abba and I know how lazy and nagging you are so I'm not"

She starts crying "I can't stand it here. They are the reason Sadiq is married to another woman"
"Have you ever thought maybe it's for your good? His mother and sisters despise you, I don't know why but they do. Embrace new chapters of your life, sometimes we're forced to enter a new chapter and although it might be disheartening to leave certain things behind, the new door will bring you abundance of goodness that you didn't think was possible"

She rolls her eyes "You're starting to sound just like them"
I smile "Good enough. I should go, we have to stop by Zoya's place before we head home and Fai'za is having Abdulateef over and I want to say hi"
I stand smiling mockingly "You're welcome to stay here in misery" I wave and walk out.

::

Did I mention that Yusuf is mad at me?
Yes.
When I introduced Fai'za to Abdulateef I didn't know she had a relationship with Yusuf and he still has feelings for her.

So he approached me saying that I should convince her to get back together with him because apparently she listens to me. I told him I couldn't and I quote "I'm sorry but I can't. I introduced her to Abdulateef seven months back and it took a lot of convincing on both she and Rashad as well. She never told me you dated so for me to tell her to give you a chance when I introduced her to the guy she's dating just isn't right. Just because she respects me doesn't mean I can control her life, I think if you want to talk then it should be with her and not with me"

Well—he called me ungrateful and stormed out of my shop but I feel I was right, or was I not?

I can't tell her who to like or who to forgive, that's not my place.

There was something off about Nasir and Zoya.
No it's not that they're acting awkward but they're happy, some could say too happy.

I'm not trying to sound like a sadist or anything but after what he told me on the phone and him being the Nasir I know, the fact that it's too calm is alarming and I wish I could warn her but it's not my place and my friend would say I'm jealous so I'll stay on my lane.

Rashad barely said two words to her and I know it bothers her, she keeps staring at him with a frown on her face. But other than the frown she looks good and healthy so maybe I'm thinking too much into Nasir's attitude.

I huff.
"You okay?" She asks curiously.
We were all seated in the living room but my husband and hers are seated conversing while we just watch the tv.

"Why do you ask?"
She chuckles "Answering a question with another question?"
I nod "Everything is fine"

"Are you having another argument with Ya Rashad? You only ever look this sad when you are"
I smile "Yes, I think it might be my fault this time"

She nods "I'll give you a little advice, something that made my home more happy and peaceful. Your happiness depends on you and no one else but your sadness doesn't affect you alone"
I stare at her.
Zoya is giving me marital advice?
Yeah she got married three years before I did but her marriage just seemed to revolve around her, that was what she believed.

"Listen to him, don't make things about you. Because if you do, you'll lose him"

I nod "Thanks"
"Shall we?" Rashad asks turning to me looking passive.

"Do you mind going ahead? I want to talk to Ya Rashad".
I nod turning to Nasir "Will you be my escort?"
He smiles as he guides me out.

He and I walk ahead while Rashad and Zoya follow behind closely as Nasir held Fareed.
"So—how is it like being a mother?"

I smile "Rewarding but you'll soon know all about it"
He chuckles shaking his head "No, I won't"
"She's due this month"

"Oh—that baby. I could be a father figure" he says casually.
What did he mean by 'be a father figure'?

I stare at him.
He smiles "Don't think to much into it. We're all father figures to our kids"
I nod hesitantly.

He looks at Fareed as he slept peacefully.
"How old is he anyway?"
"He's going to be one in a month and a half"

"I hope you're throwing him a party, he deserves it. He's always sleeping"
I laugh sarcastically "No way, he starts his day by midnight"

"Oh—a night crawler, maybe he took after his aunt" he jokes.
I didn't find it funny.
Why does talking to him feel so stressful? Like he's talking in riddles.

There's definitely something amiss but I repeat, it's not my place.


::

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