This one is for you - Charles Leclerc ff. (In English)

• chapter 14

I know you're dead but I can't believe,
even today I don't understand;
that a few pebbles can close forever
that your country and your house are underground,
How could I understand it?

I'm standing in front of the mirror.
I try not to rub off my black mascara. I didn't want to apply a lot of make-up, as I knew that sooner or later it would end up on other parts of my face anyway. I stare at my black skirt. I can't decide whether it will be a suitable outfit for the event, but I walk away from the mirror without thinking, lest a tear actually fall down my face. The door opens. Charles enters the room. It's been three weeks since that happened. We are in Monaco, at Charles' house. The boy is in complete mourning, he couldn't complete the race, so he didn't even go to the Hungarian Grand Prix. We're standing here, right in the middle of the room, staring at each other. I forgave him because I know he has no one but me. I walk up to him and pull him into a tight hug, which he hugs back. His strong scent permeates my body. I can feel him starting to cry, but I immediately calm him down by stroking his hair. I take his face in my hands, and after looking at him carefully, I wipe his tears and kiss him softly.

-You're strong, you know that?- I asked him, and he nodded with a slight smile. I took him by the hand and led him out of the room. I put on his black jacket and we left the house. I closed the door and then stepped next to Charles. -Would you like me to drive?-I asked, and another tear rolled down his face. He nodded and sat down in the front seat. He hasn't spoken much since what happened, which I completely understand. I got behind the wheel, but before I started the car, I texted Arthur that we are on our way. In the last few weeks, I got to know Charles' family and felt so sorry for them, everyone is down. I finally started the car and we set off towards the Leclerc family's house. The way was painfully quiet, sometimes I heard Charles cry, then I stroked his arm and he calmed down. I parked in front of the big house and looked at Charles, who didn't tie himself up. I looked at him strangely before he wiped his eyes and finally spoke.

-I'll stay here, go and tell them that we are here.-he smiled when I did what he said. I opened the gate and knocked on the door of the house. Lorenzo's kind smile greeted me and I immediately hugged him. A few tears ran down my face and I tried to pull myself together. He's lost a lot more than me, I shouldn't be weak. I stepped inside when Lorenzo spoke.

-Arthur is upstairs, if you think so, speak with him and we can go.-he said, and I nodded and hurried up the stairs. I knocked on the wooden door, and a deep voice shouted that I could enter. I opened it and noticed the boy in the black shirt sitting on the bed. He didn't say a word, didn't even look at me. Just like his brother. I didn't say anything to him either, I just sat down next to him. I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed.

-Can we go?-he looked down at me, and I nodded, then we left the room together. Entering the kitchen, I walked up to Pascale and hugged her. She has cared for me so much in recent weeks, it's like she's my second mom. The woman called Lorenzo, who was already there. We started to go outside, but Pascale held me back. I looked at her strangely when she said that.

-Just go boys, we'll be leaving in a few minutes.-she said, and when the boys left, she turned to me.-I'm very grateful that you're here for Charles. You know, he went through a lot of hard things and pushed everyone away, even us. But you gave him strength again. Please promise that you will be with him for better or for worse!-the woman looked at me, her eyes filled with tears, just like mine.

-I promise!-I said, then Pascale pulled me into a tight hug. We walked out of the house, the woman locked the house while I got into the car. Charles put his hands on mine, which made me very happy. I waited for Pascale to get into the car, and then we left for Rick's funeral. It still hurts to think that he left us. It's just that we reconciled and everything happened so quickly.
When we got to the cemetery of Monaco, there were already a few people waiting. In addition to acquaintances, a lot of paparazzi photographers appeared, which really bothered me. When they attacked Charles, I stepped in front of them.

-Aren't you ashamed? To attack us like this while we are in the middle of a funeral? Go away immediately, or I'll call the police!-I got angry, while the photographers retreated a little. I took Charles by the hand and we went through the gate, with Arthur, Lorenzo and Pascal behind us. The priest told us why we had gathered and a few words about death when the eulogy followed. Charles looked at me with a pained face, I knew he didn't want to go out there, among so many people.-Rick would be very happy if you would say a few words to him. Do it for him, not for the  others!-I stroked his face, and he nodded and walked out in front of the people. I closed my legs and waited attentively for Charles to speak.

-I...Umm Rick is a...Rick was my friend and..I..I..-he stammered, then suddenly left. Arthur ran after him as everyone stared. I didn't want to leave Rick's memorial at that, so I walked out.

-Hello everyone! I know you don't know me, maybe many of you don't even want to. I'm Sarah O'Connell. A friend of Rick's...-I told the truth.-Rick was a wonderful person. We had a lot of arguments, and even though I only had the chance to know him for few months, I am very grateful to fate for giving me the opportunity to know him. He was a wholehearted and very funny person. I remember when we were in a car and he yelled something stupid in Spanish to an old man.-I smiled at the memories and heard that a few people laughed.- He told me how proud he was to have Spanish in his blood. He was proud of his family. He was proud of himself. I will miss him painfully every single day, but I know I have to let him go so that when I look at a picture of him, it makes me smile and not cry. Thank you for everything, Ricardo Gutiérrez!-I looked up at the sky and a tear ran down my face. I walked out and started looking for the two brothers with my eyes. Not long after, when I was about to give up the search altogether, I heard Charles' bitter cry from my right. He was sitting in front of a tombstone, stroking it, and Arthur was silently watching the tombstone behind him. I stepped closer in silence, and then I also looked at the grave.

In loving memory of Hervé Leclerc

-Everyone leaves me here- Charles said quietly as I crouched down next to him. -You'll leave me here too-he said, and I shook my head.

-I will never leave you here in my life. Never. Did you understand? Never!- I said to him. -I know...I know that this is very difficult right now. I know. But you have to try to stand up okay? You have to stay on your feet, otherwise they think you're weak.-the boy started nodding. He frowned and wiped away his tears hard. I stood up and looked into Arthur's eyes.-You too! Charles will be away so you have to be the man of the house ok? Take care of your mother!- I said, and Arthur nodded in agreement.-You're going to get into Formula 2, okay? It will work!-the boy hugged me tightly. I let him go, then put my arms around the two boys and we headed outside.

Someone has to survive. We can't all stay on the floor.

We will survive.