Holly hadn't stopped running from the park until she had reached home and was circling round her bedroom, adrenaline pumping hotly through her veins. She felt like she hadn't stopped since this morning's stand-off with Jack. Her mum had come in at around midday and asked her to go shopping with her, Holly agreed in hopes it would help relax her mind a little, it had been racing for hours. She had walked round the shopping mall like a zombie, being led by her mum from one shop to the next, coming back to reality every now and then, remembering where she was, then fading back into the park and replaying the whole scenario over and over.
After shopping, her mum takes her to Charlotte's grave, unexpectedly. She pulls out a bouquet of lilies and roses from the boot of her car and Holly wonders if she bought them at the shops or if they were already there waiting, she can't remember. Holly lets her mum lead her over to Charlotte's beautiful gravestone, kitted out with angel ornaments, several bouquets of roses, lilies, sunflowers and a couple of orchid plants perched on either side of the stone. Holly gazes at the beautiful display and reads the words engraved on the headstone:
Charlotte Rhody
An angel in disguise
A daughter, a friend, a blessing
Fly high in the sky
Be reunited in time
Holly bends down and traces her fingers over her best friend's name. Even touching this cold hard stone, it still doesn't feel real. It still feels unbelievable that it ended like this. She always prayed that Charlotte would make it out of the toxicity, that she would rise above it like she knew she could. But it didn't end that way. Now she is laying flowers next to a freshly covered hole in the dirt where her best friend lies below her. In the ground. Alone. Dead. Holly begins to whimper and feels her mum's arms reach over her from behind and grips her tightly. She falls into her and they both collapse on the floor.
"Why did you bring me here?" she splutters.
"I thought you'd want to come and see her, you haven't since the funeral. I'm sorry, I thought it could be good for you," her mum replies, kissing the top of her head.
Holly realises the truth in this. How could she not have come to see Charlotte? Other people clearly have but she hadn't. What a terrible friend she's been! With everything else going on, all the drama with Jack it had slipped her mind that she could still come and visit Charlotte. Talk to her, as if she were still here. That's what people do right? Go to their loved one's grave and talk to them, tell them about their day, what they'd been up to. Holly pictures her telling Charlotte what she had done that morning, given her pathetic boyfriend every ounce of rage she had been building up. She wonders if Charlotte would have rolled her eyes or laughed at her. The thought of Charlotte possibly being angry at her for what she'd done fills Holly with despair.
"I want to go home," Holly mutters.
Holly's mum helps her to her feet and follows her to the car after placing her bouquet of flowers among the others.
The journey home is silent, Holly begins to flash back to the morning again. Once home, she runs upstairs and locks herself in her bedroom, flopping on the bed. The reality of what she had said to Jack finally hits her.
What a rush! Holly thinks. What were the chances of her running into the one person in this world causing her so much grief? On the walk she took in hopes of finding answers or direction of what to do next, and she sees him. She instantly took it as a sign to go and say what she really wanted to say to him. She smiles to herself at yet another mysterious way God had worked. She wonders if she said enough, if she said too much, if she said the wrong things or the right things. Oh Lord, he figured it out as well!
"How could you be so stupid?!" Holly growls at herself and slaps herself in the side of the head. Her brain argues back, you weren't stupid. You were acting out in rage as is expected. That was smart of Jack the Wank to figure out, you weren't obvious about it, it was years ago, you thought he'd have forgotten about it by now. It's not your fault. Holly huffs. Okay, so he knows. He could now go to Bill and tell him my involvement and manage to spin some story that I was involved with Charlotte too. Well, it's not spinning when you actually were involved. You knew Charlotte was in trouble and you didn't tell her dad. No, that's not fair. Charlotte told me not to, I'm her friend, not her dad's, I had to respect her decision to keep it from them. But look at what's happened because of that, she's gone. Fine, so what, I should just come clean to Bill and tell him everything before Jack does and pins it all on me? What if it still makes Bill hate me and blame me? What about Mel, she'll hate me too...I'll lose all of them. They love you; they'll understand your point and your reasons. They know you were a good friend to Charlotte. They might think I was a terrible friend for not doing anything about it. I should have said something. I should have done something then and not done anything about Amy and maybe both of them would still be alive! It's more my fault than Jack's. That's not right, don't you dare think that! Jack mentally tortured those girls, he's the monster, not you! I could have stopped both outcomes though if I had just made better choices. Everyone makes bad choices, no one's a saint. Charlotte was. Gosh, Charlotte was an angel. I miss her so much. She'd know what to do, she always did. Will Jack really tell Bill? Surely Bill wouldn't even give him another second of his time. Maybe Jack would try but he would just smack him another one for even trying to talk to him. What if he doesn't, though? What if he's interested in what he has to say for himself and then he finds out it was all me? It wasn't all you, it was him, you were just scared of losing Charlotte as your best friend, you didn't want to go behind her back, you did what she wanted. Do you think Bill will see it like that? I'm sure he would, he would believe you over him any day. Will the guilt even go if I do tell him? I bet I'll still feel as awful as I already do plus the extra guilt for coming clean after all this time. They'll wonder why I kept it quiet for so long, what difference would it make now? If Jack gets there first, they'll think it's a lie. They might believe it though, and if they question me, I couldn't lie to them. I should have killed him. They'll expect you to be honest with them, even if it's too late to change anything. Nothing will change, you just might make the Rhodys hate you on top of it all. No, I don't think so, actually. I think they'd understand, they know me inside out. They know how much I loved their daughter and wanted the best for her. If Jack beats you to it, you're slimming that chance of them understanding you, it needs to come from you. Jack's not going to do shit to you at this point. He probably never would have if you told Bill all that time ago. What have you got left to be afraid of, really? You saw the fear in his eyes today, he knows he's toast if you tell Bill. Do the right thing. Fuck it, I'm going to do it.
Holly's blabbering mind finally reaches a conclusion. She checks the time: 6:11 p.m. They might be having dinner right now, she thinks. She catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror and is horrified by her appearance. Her hair is windswept and dishevelled, her eyeballs are more red than white, bloodshot with stress and sleeplessness. Her skin paler than she'd ever seen it. She can't show up looking like this, she looks mad. 6:13 p.m. She could maybe squeeze in a couple of hours nap and catch the Rhodys before they go to bed. Her body decides for her, and she collapses onto bed, snoring within seconds.
YOU ARE READING
The Dead and the Broken
General Fiction"If there's evil in anyone, if it exists at all, that's what that boy is made of." Jack, thus far, has glided through life by his own rules and has successfully kept out of consequences' reach, no matter what chaos he has caused and no matter who he...
