Letter to myself

"Dear me,

I am sorry.

I'm sorry you tried desperately to fix others when your hands were shaking. I'm sorry that l didn't give you enough time to heal, that l let you seal the wounds of everyone else whilst your own were bleeding. I'm sorry that there were days when smiling hurt yet you forced yourself to laugh so that no one had to worry about you. I'm sorry that you gave all of your time and effort to people that didn't give the same amount back. I'm sorry that there were nights you cried yourself to sleep and no one bothered to understand why. I'm sorry l never let you express yourself. I'm sorry l made you believe you were never enough. I always told you, you were inadequate. I'm sorry l sacrificed your happiness for others. What happened to me? I'm sorry l still haven't answered your question. I'm sorry l taught you to always say "it's okay", even when you were raging with anger inside. I'm sorry l never taught you to say "no". It was always "yes", even if you didn't know or "l can help", even if you didn't know how to and for that l was tormenting you. I'm sorry l taught you to love with all you had and you got countlessly hurt for it. I'm sorry l let go of certain people maybe l should have given them a second chance. I'm sorry l got you friends that never cared about you. People took advantage of you because of your kindness and it's all because of me so I'm sorry. I should have taught you to be cold after all it's a cold world we live in. I'm sorry l let negative energy get close to you now look what it did to you. It made your mind unstable and it took away your happiness and for that l am going to keep on saying I'm sorry. I'm sorry l should have got you whatever you needed instead of getting people who never wanted you what they needed. From now on tell me what you need, whatever you want. I'm sorry l introduced you to overthinking, stress, anxiety, and depression and told you they could be your friends but they were only sucking the life from you only to leave you miserable. I believe, whatever happens, happens for a reason but I'm sorry l made you regret and beat yourself up for making certain decisions in this life God gave you. Ease up whatever happened, happened for a reason take accountability, self-reflect, and stop blaming yourself. This generation is drowning but that doesn't mean you have to drown with it, choose your path, and focus on people that focus on you. I'm sorry l should have told you there is more to life. Sorry is not just a word, but an emotion that has thousands of feelings, it is also the cure to our sadness, but if you don't forgive me, it will haunt me till my life is over. I am sorry for being stupid enough to get you hurt over and over again. I am immensely sorry again for causing you pain. I'm sorry for being so absurd and so emotional. You should have fought tooth and nail but l always taught you to forgive. With how the world treated you, you still showed kindness. I'm still trying to figure out what you are. Why are you so kind? Who are you? I got so many questions for you but it seems like you will always be a mystery. "I am a mess, a great mess that can burn everything". These are the words l would tell you when things didn't go as planned l would even go further to say you were a curse and nothing will ever be right in your life for that l will always be sorry, so just forgive me. I'm sorry l wasn't there to tell you which path to take thereby you chose a path of your own, a path of destruction. I believe this is what took away your intellectual abilities but I'm here to make things right again. I'm writing this letter telling you, "Go" and don't ever ever let them tell you, "No". During our past life journey, I am sorry that I was not great enough to ignite your motivation, and was not good enough to encourage, to appreciate you. Sorry that I allowed you to hang your head down low. I was not all ears to listen to your problems. I did not stand up for you. But behind these dark clouds, there is a bright blue sky waiting to shine on you once you blow those clouds away. The same goes for these hardships; while you are looking for help to unlock this hardship, you also learn something: nobody can help you but yourself.

Have you noticed that you have changed? You have. You have improved. I am glad that you did. I know life has been tough but you have done quite a good job to stay alive. Leave it to me now l will take it from here. Thank you for not giving up. And I am sorry that l did not love you like you deserved to be loved."

Love,

Myself