Mirrors

Darkness Hear Me Now

Eddie's POV.

My room's so dark. Apart from one half working lightbulb there's no other source of light. The flashes of yellow streaks light up the smoke floating all over the room. I just wish Wayne won't walk in here any time soon. It's not likely that Wayne would like the sight of his nephew all bruised from head to my toe.

Jason beat me up once again, this time I didn't even do anything. The jock almost saw my bandages, I would be in real danger if that would happen.

I can't stop overthinking everything. Can't stop wishing I was dead.

It's time to go to bed.
___________________________________________

It's 2.00 am and I've been awake for 10 minutes now. I can't go back to sleep. Nightmares are torturing me non stop. Nightmares about my parents. Nightmares about my fucked up life. I get out of bed and go to the bathroom. Splashing cold water on my face, I look in the mirror and can't help but hate what I sees. The feminine features that no one sees besides me. The eyes I got from his mother. The hair I'm growing out despite the dysphoria. Right now my face looks even uglier. All bruised to the point where one of my eyes can't even open normally. I starts crying out of sadness, pain and disgust.

Sobbing I turns off the light and go back to my room where I open the window and sit on the windowsill. I turn my head up and look at the stars. Tears are falling down my face, my ribs hurting from being with the bandages for so long. I slowly take my shirt off and slowly untie the bandages while still looking at the stars because i know i can't look at myself or I'll start crying even harder

My binder is off now and i put my Ozzy Osbourne shirt back on. I feel disgust. Disgust for my own body. The body I've been in for over 20 years now. Some people say it gets better but it seems to get worse and worse. I can't do anything without feeling dysphoria. I can't even go out of my house without my bandages hurting my chest. Darkness is comforting. Darkness hides your sorrow and your pain. Hides your tears and sadness. It listens. While i talk and talk non stop telling it about my problems. It doesn't say anything. It stays silent and just listens.
___________________________________________

After venting to the dark about my feelings for the millionth time i get tired. I can't stay awake any longer. I'm going to bed. I'm going to sleep.