a͟m͟b͟i͟v͟a͟l͟e͟n͟c͟e͟ - espresseleine au

espresso has a Gay Panic™️

"No, no no!" I ripped the page out of my notebook and threw my hands up in exasperation.

My door swung open, and a familiar (kind of) head popped in. "This may be a bad time, but what the hell are you doing that requires you to yell so loudly I almost dropped the experiment I was working on?" Ricotta asked.

I turned red from embarrassment. I knew how it felt to have an experiment ruined through no fault of your own. "S-sorry. I'm just... trying to plan something for Madeleine?" I said, waving my hands around in the air.

The annoyed look immediately dropped from his face and he sat down on my bed next to me. "Ooh, spill."

I told him all about how Madeleine had gone out of his way to do something for me so I wanted to return the favor. It felt weird spilling my guts to an authority figure, as I'd never had a chance to do that with my parents. But at the same time, I couldn't turn him down, because he might fire me.

He thought for a moment. "Well, you could invite him to dinner, but knowing him, he'd take it as a date and I wouldn't want you to get rejected."

I wrote that idea down just in case, and asked him, "Oh yeah, how long have you known Madeleine anyway? I'm not trying to be rude, it's an honest question."

"Well, we grew up in the Republic together, but when I inherited my parents' fortune, his parents started pushing him to get closer to me to try to 'start a business venture with me,'" He deadpanned, making air quotes. "He refused, and his parents kicked him out of the house. They didn't disown him - he's still their heir - but I feel unbelievably honored that he'd prioritize me over his parents. That's why I picked him to be my bodyguard. I trust him with my life."

I felt a pang of some unfamiliar emotion. Was it... jealousy? No, couldn't be. I don't get jealous.

He read my expression and added, making a face, "And I'm definitely not into him. Also ace, so you've got that going for you."

I turned red again. "No! It's not that! Uh- It's- UGH EMOTIONS ARE HARD!" That last part was screamed into my pillow if you're wondering.

Ricotta laughed and got up, waving goodbye. "Well, I've got to return to my experiment now. Have fun with your panic!"

I groaned. Both of these people are going to be the death of me.

After an hour with no success, I decided to go with the dinner option. I had no other options. It's not like I wanted to go on a date with him or anything.

foreshadowing

I beelined over to Madeleine's room, hoping to get this over with as quickly as possible. One knock, two knocks, three.

He showed up at the door, looking slightly disheveled as if he'd just woken up. That did not help my brain, which immediately kicked into high gear churning out images of me being the reason his hair was disheveled -  "Oh! Hey Espresso! Do you wanna come inside?"

I stared at him, jolted out of my trance. "Wait. Before I answer that query, why do you appear as if you have just awoken at 9:00 AM in the morning? Additionally, I'd like to stay out here if that's acceptable. I will endeavor to make this quick."

He nodded and said, "This is early for me. I usually wake up at 10:00 AM or later." I shook my head at him and he continued. "Hey, what's your question anyway? Sorry if I'm being rude by the way."

I waved my hand at him. "It's fine, it's fine."

I took a deep breath, steeling myself. "Also, you you want to go out for dinner?"

I turned red and realized what that implied. "Like, completely platonically. I'm not asking you out or anything. It's just-"

I laugh, big and loud, interrupted my rambling. Madeleine stopped laughing to say, "Sure! Does tonight at 7:00 work for you?"

I nodded and dashed off back to my room, probably as red as a tomato.

What had I just done?

When I returned to my room, I laid on the couch, groaning. Why couldn't I get Madeleine out of my head? Sure, he was adorable, and sweet, and loyal, but he was also...

I found myself blanking as I tried to rack my brain for Madeleine's negative attributes, other than being rich and a bit egotistical. And who could fault a man for being a bit confident in himself, especially if he was as amazing as Madeleine...

Focus. I told myself. Then I realized that I didn't actually hate rich people - though some of them could be pricks - I hated the economic structure that made them gods on Crispia.

Huh. 

emo man just got a boyyyy (get into it yuh)