𝐔𝐧𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬

𝐆𝐫𝐞𝐲𝐬𝐨𝐧'𝐬 𝐋𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐨 𝐀𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐚

Dear Althea,

My little angel. By the time you read this, you'll be all grown up. I won't be there to walk you through life, but I'll always watch over you and your mother. I need you two to be there for each other. She loves and adores you.

I wanted to write this letter to you so I could explain myself. I wouldn't want you to hate me for leaving you too soon.

At a young age, I was abused by my father. He treated my mother and my life shit. He made me believe love is destructive. I was used to abuse. I never felt love. My mom eventually got sick when I was a kid. She couldn't afford the medical bills, and my father wouldn't pay a penny. At eight, I tried to kill myself for the first time. I cried when my attempt failed. I was eight. I shouldn't have been feeling suicidal at that age. I was a child. My childhood trauma was the reason my mental health spiraled. I tried therapy and counseling. None of it worked or took any of the weight off my shoulders.

The one person who could make life bearable was your mother. I met her when I was eleven. I was behind in every class because I worked after school and on weekends to help my mom pay the bills. Your mother tutored me during our breaks or when I cared for my mom. I pushed her away more times than I could count. I didn't want to get close to her in case my mental health would ruin our friendship.

I missed one school day because I was told my mom was terminal. I sat behind the hospital she was in with a bottle of my dad's pills he takes to get high. I was about to take them all until your mother found me. She searched multiple streets within walking distance of my house. When she saw me, she became why I didn't take my life right then and there. Your mother was the reason I was alive for many years. I never thoughts I'd make it past fifteen. Living to twenty-three is a blessing.

When I started dating your mother in 1997, I felt my mental health begin to heal. It wasn't horrible. It was bearable. I had more good days than bad days. I felt alive. I still had an addiction to drugs throughout my relationship with your mother. She helped me get clean.

A couple of months after we moved to Boston, I got a gig at the T.D. Garden. That's the building where I held my first concert. I was terrified, but your mother made it worth wild. I quickly fell in love with the city.

Before you were born a couple of years ago, your mother and I lost a baby. We were devastated. We hoped that one day we'd be lucky. It took many years for us to see a positive test result. We were beyond excited. We both cried at every ultrasound appointment. We loved you from the moment we knew you existed. We came up with names early on in the pregnancy because your aunt and uncle's experience of waiting til the day of worried us. We wanted to be prepared.

We had everything planned out. Your nursery was completed. Everything was settled. Before my death, I felt my mental health spiral. I ran into my father, and everything flooded back. All the memories and voices returned. I never had friends besides your mom and our best friend, Riz Ali. The ones I did have before moving to Sicily were awful. They downplayed my mental health and treated me like a charity case. They eventually told me to kill myself. Those words burned into my memory.

I never told your mother about anything. I didn't want her to worry about me. All I cared about was her happiness. She's my everything, and so are you. I want you to grow up knowing your mental health matters. I wouldn't want you to feel like your life doesn't matter because it does, and I want you to live the best life. You deserve to be happy. Even on your bad days, remember you'll never be alone. Your mother will always be a shoulder to lean on. Let her help you.

If you ever feel like you need someone to vent to, I'll always be here for you, Ali. I left all my records for your mother and you. I signed them all. I love you, Ali. I'll always be there for you whenever you need me. I wish I could be here to watch you grow up. I love you, my little girl.

Let my experience be a lesson. I wouldn't wish this mental battle on anyone. I'm sorry for leaving you so soon, my little angel.

I love you always, Ali.

Sincerely dad,