A Shadow Of Light [Kaz Brekkerxreader]

Chapter 13

A/n: its break again!!! lets try to get at least two chapters published over the two weeks I have off. thank you all for reading-L

Y/N POV

We all walked into town and found a little bar, Jesper had hidden our ride and now we were sat in silence. I knew Kaz knew I let Alina go and I didn't regret that decision but it made for a very awkward situation.

Kaz walked up to Inej and I frustration evident in his features "so are you going to tell me how the target got away"

I stepped forward leveling my eyes with his. I wasn't afraid of Kaz Brekker, I never really had been. Maybe its because I could see that behind the coldness in his eyes that there is a boy that had been hidden and shoved away. Kaz Brekker wasn't scary, he was broken.

"I let her get away" I said evenly. Inej came up behind me, as said Im not scared of Kaz but that doesn't mean that his anger is something I want placed towards Inej.

"We let her go" she said.

"You were hired to do a job" Kaz seethed

Inej now pushed me slightly behind her. Her anger was now matching Kazs'. Kaz knew my reasoning I know he did, he wouldn't tell me that but I knew he knew.

"Yes, the job was to pick up a fake for an easy million kruge. We found a living Saint who can summon the sun" Inej seethed

"A good magician is a good con artist, the trick..." Kaz replied blue fire igniting in his eyes as he became more frustrated "is to make it look real"

"This is different" Inej stressed "how can you be so stubborn and closed off when you have a moon summoner standing right there"

"we don't know what Y/N is besides some odd form of grisha, maybe shes not even that" Kaz expressed "Alinia is an illusion, the best illusions are the most convincing thats the game"

"You can hide behind your cynicism, but I believe she's the real thing." Inej opinionated.

"I don't see you falling to your knees to worship every Heartrender or Squaller we meet." Kaz was being stubborn, and he was so quick to mistrust he couldn't see that Alina was in fact real.

"Pious as that may be, we cannot work effectively as a crew if you're making decisions based on religious zeal." Kaz said, an empty threat he had little to hold on Inej "or your inability to crawl out of your own pity"

I stepped foward now "is that a threat, Kaz, to return us back to Heleen" I seethed

"Either we get the target or Heleen gets the Crow Club and Pekka gets whatever's left."

"Kaz Brekker" my voice lowering to a near whisper "you didn't"

Kazs POV

I turned away from her and walked to the bar, of course I did. We needed her on this job. Oh quit lying to yourself you needed her to be close, couldn't bear the though of not being near her could you? My mind was my greatest enemy. But how was I supposed to leave her alone in a place that could so easily take her away from us, from me. I mean who would keep us all together. Who would mother us all. Who would keep Jesper focused, who would help Inej with all of her emotions and who would reason with me and keep me sane.

She made my mind quite. That never happened, it was never quite. But when she would argue with me over the littlest things, when she would come in and sit on my window sill and watch the world go by, when she would lay on the small sofa and drink coffee and read and then eventually fall asleep, when she would sit in my chair, all the little things she did made my mind quite. But why?

Because you love her you idiot. One part of my brain screamed. That wasn't my voice though, that was a voice I though I had silenced. Jordie had always been a voice of reason when he was alive. Sort of like how Y/N is now.

But your not good enough Brekker,and you never ever will be. That voice was different it was a low hissing voice that encompassed all of my doubt and that was the part that would never let me be enough for the girl I had fallen so deeply in love with.

I looked over my shoulder and she was there holding Inej and chatting with Jesper. soothing Inejs' emotions and calming Jesper wild brain. I could see a faint glow coming from Y/N hand that was gently rubbing Inejs arm. She was beautiful a light in the middle of the darkness. She wasn't an overpowering blinding light. No she was a calm, comforting, and soft light. She was like the moon in the way that she didn't get rid of the darkness all together, she simply sat in it with you bathing you in her soft light.

She sat with me in the dark, and I loved her for it but what if my shadows started to smother her light, then what do we do. What do we do if she is smothered in shadow. We need the our moon summoner. I need my moon summoner. So I will love her from afar, because I cant corrupt her light with my shadow.