FOUR WEEKS ON NEPTUNE

6

INARA
Age 17

The pain in your body quiets the pain in your head, softens the murmurs from the back of your head, temporarily so, but it feels good, it shuts down the autopsy of your soul. It's like a light switch for feelings, click it and you'll be fine. But it comes with a price, it comes with paying the rent of not feeling with the currency of blood and tears, I don't mind though. What I dislike is the concern it comes with, I don't want people being worried about me, I don't want their concern, I don't need them to understand what I feel. I don't want to feel. Maybe this unhealthy but as long as its keeping me safe, it works. It has to work.
Maybe this is why I didn't talk about what happen, why there were marks on my skin, I don't want to revisit that, I'd rather shut my mind, I'd rather not live a life. Life was like a blade that never stopped cutting. That is why I shut up, keep quiet and don't bother because i don't think I'd be able to stop screaming or crying if i spoke about it.

How beautiful must death be ?

To be honest, I dont really understand why I'm doing this, it's not like I enjoy it but I dont hate it either. I live with it, it's like a birth mark at this point too, the pain is etched onto me like the carving on a wooden frame. Maybe, I've ruined life for myself.

I look down at the white bandages that hugged my arm, Darvin tried to ask me about them, about the marks but it was pointless, he go no response. How can I trust someone I've just met ? Darvin is a nice guy, atleast he seems like one bit not one I'd open upto just now. I tried to talk about it regardless, I tried to talk about the pain and the reason behind all these scars, the reason why I was hear but how do you talk about something that hurt you without reopening the wound, scratching its surface ?

It doesn't matter.

I reach upto the book on my nightstand, the same one I was reading the night before, turning back to the page I was on, shuffling through the pages I find a old bookmark, Storm had given it to me when he found out I liked reading, he said it our mom's. I run my thumb along the wrinkled edges of the piece of paper, putting it back between the pages.

I don't feel like reading anymore.

I get up and try to stand only for me to hold onto the metal railing of the bed and see everything spin, watch everything have a slight ashy coating, look like the color salt when mixed with water makes as a thin screen pasted around. I could feel my head spinning, it was a struggle to get out of bed every morning. I pick up the medication that sat on my desk, the tiny voice at the back of my head begging me to take more of them, reminding me of the euphoria they bought with them but I don't. I don't touch on spill extra, I was too tired to do that.

I manage to walk up the door, hear a creek and the rattle of the door knob, only for the door to open and reveal a dark haired boy, about 6 feet tall with a IV drip attached to his arm, the other raised mid air, first turned into a ball, as if he were about to knock.

"Hi", he said, a surprised look decorating his face.

"Hi", I said

"I was going to knock, I swear", he stuttered, trying to hide the embarrassment

"I can see", I said, pointing to his balled fist which was still up in the air which he was quick enough to pull down and pat the back of his head with, suffering his hair.

His hair looked really soft.

"I'm Archer, by the way" he said, extending his hand to which I do the same.

"Inara", I said

"I am in the same room, just the next bed and though I'd come by and say hi when I heard there was someone new here, couldn't do it yesterday because I went out and came in late, you were asleep",  he went on.

He loved to talk, noted.

"Oh, so we're roommates?"

"Technically yes"

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Here's Chapter 6 ( it's been long, I know ), I hope you liked it. Don't forget to vote and comment !

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Word count : 798 words

Until next time <333