The Swedish Sex Bomb (LSD, #7)

14. Relax

Relax

We've left Malmö too late. I'm hungry, I'm tired, and I need some time to relax, to get rid of this high-voltage AC/DC electricity that shortcuts my nerves.

"Are you hungry?", I ask Frieda.

"If you want to drive on, I'm fine, but my stomach asks for a refill."

"If we drive on, we'll reach Stockholm in the second part of the night and we'll be zombies tomorrow. We might stop for dinner in the first promising place. If we can find a motel, when you want to go to it, I prefer to stay there for the night. I'm dead tired."

I'm concentrating on the road, the traffic, the driving in the dark. I can't concentrate on the body language of the person next to me while I'm looking ahead and checking my mirrors. It takes a while before I realise I didn't get an answer. It takes another while before I realise the impact of my indecent proposal on the mind of the woman next to me, who was in a mental hospital until recently, being treated for something too shocking for me to imagine.

"I'm sorry. I should have added: we'll take two rooms, one each. You know I respect your privacy and you know I have no intention to..."

Frieda looks away, like she wants to enjoy the beautiful, pitch-dark countryside. I keep quiet for a while too.

"It's not that I don't trust you, Benny. It's... it's the first night I'll be on my own, after being in the clinic for so long. In there, it felt safe. Out here... Suddenly, I'm not so sure."

"If you want, I'll sit in front of your door the entire night, to protect you from the hooded claw."

"You need your sleep too."

"If necessary, you drive tomorrow morning while I nap in the back seat. Don't worry about me. You have enough problems of your own. There's always the chance we don't find anything, which solves the problem too."

But we do find anything. The next gas station is also a motel with a small restaurant and supermarket. We buy what we need for the night and morning, we eat fried fish with potato salad, and we take rooms 23 and 24 for the night.

When we open our doors, I say: "I'll be right next door. You can lock your door from the inside. If there's something, anything, just scream and I come to the rescue. Scream as often as possible, please. I love rescuing pretty ladies in the middle of the night. Keeping the vampires from your door is my speciality."

We say goodnight and enter our rooms. I take a hot shower and lie on the bed, naked. If she starts to shout now... I would be breaking down her door, running inside, armed and stark naked; the rescuer would scare Frieda more than the attacker. Perhaps I should sleep with my clothes on. When Frieda screams, I can be there quickly. If it takes me five minutes to get out of bed and dress...

I put on my clothes and lay down, but I just can't seem to relax. Anxious, I get up and step outside. The night is cold. I go back for my ski jacket and return outside again. I have some serious thinking to do. The fresh air keeps me sharp. I sit down on the veranda, in front of the two doors of our rooms, and look at the stars.

"What are you doing?"

Frieda stands in the door, wearing the oversized striped pyjamas she bought in the shop.

"I can't sleep."

"I can't sleep either."

"You should take a hot shower. It always helps me when I can't sleep. And you should go inside. You'll catch a cold."

"Can you come in and... I mean... Just hold me? I'm afraid. I feel so alone."

Rostov...

I stand up and put my arm around her shoulders: "That's not a good idea, Frieda. You don't need me to hold you. You need to relax, think happy thoughts, and fall asleep. I'd like to help you, but this is something you'll have to do by yourself. Those demons won't go away unless you fight them. You're not alone. I'm here, in front of the door. But you need to be strong and face your fears, or they will haunt you forever. Do you understand?"