A Breaking Bad Story

In the Beginning...

Ever since he was the littlest of boys, Walter Hartwell White had one great dream he was yearning to achieve. This dream was owning a pickle lab/factory. When he got out of school, he went to the Pickle College (a college for the pickle business). He studied and studied and studied until finally, he graduated. Walter was a foolish man though for he would not realize how cruel the world would be to him. At first, he didn't have any troubles. He was able to get some land and build his factory in peace. At some point along the way he got married to a wonderful breadstick jockey named Skylart. Together they had two kids named Hank Jr and Holly. They were quite supportive of the pickle factory because it was bringing in the cash. What they didn't know was that the factory was a cover for Walter to be able to manufacture pickle jar guns. Walter had a tiny shop where he would sell his pickle jars. In the basement of the shop, Walter sold his guns.

One day Jimmy McGill walked into Walter's shop and told him that he knew about his side business. At first Walter was afraid that the news would get out and he would be in trouble. As it turned out, Jimmy was there to make an offer. He said he wouldn't expose Walter's secret if he was allowed to distribute the goods and make off with 70% of the profit. Walter refused and Jimmy got angry.

He threatened to expose Walter again and to that Walter said, "Look pal, I know where Slippin Kimmy lives and I will end her with my pickle arsenal."

Jimmy angrily replied, "You'll learn to regret speaking those words to me, Slippin Jimmy McGill, mortal.''

With that, Mike Ehrmantraut came and picked him up in his car and they flew to the nearest Los Pollos Hermanos. Back in the pickle shop, a man crawled out of the darkest corner. He latched his clammy hand onto Walter's shoulder and put his mouth next to his ear. Walter could feel breath on his face as the man whispered, "You made the right choice. Also, come try our curly fries. If you don't like them, they're on me." Then he retreated into the darkness while holding a box cutter.

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Ever since he was the littlest of boys, Minerals H.R. Schrader had one great dream he was yearning to achieve. This dream was owning a pickle lab/factory. Just like his good friend Walter, he attended the Pickle College. He studied and studied and studied. Unfortunately for him though, he did not graduate. In fact, he was so bad that he failed every class. This event gave Minerals a good understanding of the world's cruelty. He watched as Walter graduated and felt a pain in his heart. This is where the rivalry began. Knowing that Water was going to go into the pickle business, Minerals decided to do the opposite and go to Cucumber College (a college for the cucumber business). Luckily for him, it was a lot easier than Pickle College and he managed to pass. With an odd stroke of luck, Minerals won the lottery and used the money to buy land and build his (not so) dream factory. Unlike Walter's factory, it did not manufacture illegal weaponry. At some point along the way, He met a "wonderful" woman named Purple and they got married. If Minerals was to be honest he would not have married Purple but all the other women were either breadstick jockeys or straight up piss that's 15% alcohol. They decided not to have children just in case their marriage didn't go too well. In the beginning, Purple was very supportive of the cucumber factory because it also brought in a lot of money. But then the world showed its cruelty to Minerals once more.

Business quickly declined and he lost a lot of money. Because of that his marriage started to fail for Purple had only married Minerals for his money. Not knowing what to do, Minerals blamed Walter for all of his misfortune. He wanted to make Walter suffer and as a first step he decided to stay with his wife. He had to keep up his reputation and make it look as if he was doing fine. After that he got stuck. He had absolutely no idea what to do. To try and fix this he went for a walk. Walking was something that always cleared his head and gave him ideas. Sadly for Minerals, it didn't work. He sat down on a park bench hoping for inspiration to strike. Intead, he was hit by a foul odor. SHIT! IT WAS SHIT! SOMEONE SHIT THEIR PANTS! Minerals looked next to him and saw an elderly gentleman with a bell. He realized that that was where the smell was coming from. Right as he was about to get up, Minerals remembered something. Shitting was a good way to get ideas. In fact, his greatest ideas were formed while he was shitting. Therefore, he shat. His pants to be exact. Minerals sat there in his excrement thinking. Sadly, it still didn't work.

I look like a fucking idiot, he thought. It looks like I can't even hold in my shit for fucks sake.

Once again he got up to leave and once again he got distracted. This time it was because of a man on a tricycle pulling a small wagon behind him. There were curtains covering the outside of the wagon so Minerals couldn't see what was inside. On the curtain the words "Mike on a Trike" were printed. Minerals was surprised when the man stopped right in front of him. Instead of talking, the man walked to the wagon and held the curtain open. Minerals stood there in anticipation but nothing happened. All of a sudden a fist tore through the side of the wagon's curtain. Minerals watched as two hands tore the side completely open. After struggling for a bit, a t-posing man emerged from the hole and beyblade spinjitzued to the floor. He gracefully landed with his arm outstretched, business card in hand.

"Hi, I'm Slippin Jimmy McGill. Did you know you have rights? Well the Constitution says you do and so do I. That is why I fight for you Minerals. Have your days been filled with cucumbers, crying, misfortune and shitting your pants?? Well, I can help with three of those things. Both you and I know that Walter Hartwell White is the source of all your problems. If you agree to it, I can help you get rid of him for free. Let me repeat that. FOR FREE!!. Isn't that amazing. All you have to do is call the number on this card!!!"

Minerals was a little suspicious at first but eventually gave in. His life wasn't going anywhere. He needed help and this was the only way. Minerals pulled his phone out and dialed the number (552) 246 1505. He heard a phone ringing nearby (A chord, Dsharp, E, Csharp, Gsharp, E, C chord, D chord, D, C, A chord, D, E, Csharp, E, Gsharp, E chord, Gsharp, D7, Eflat, D, Csharp) and watched as Slippin Jimmy McGill pulled something out of his pocket. It was a phone. The ringing phone.

He flipped it open and said, "Hello Minerals. Thank you for calling the office of Slippin Jimmy McGill. What can I do for you today? HAHAHA Just kidding. By calling me you have signed our deal. I look forward to working with you in the future."

With that he hopped back into the broken cart and flew off into the sunset.