Masking Comedy

I hate being inside my mind trapped with my demon

Yet the creativity it brings me gives me reasons!

Always second guessing my own worth

Struggling to see who is truly looking back in the mirror.

I know we all need to have some sense of self love

So we can fly free with hope in the skies above!

Yet I can't help but stare into my eyes in the reflection looking back

Wondering whose despise is really looking back at me...

Is it me or my demon that I see in the cracks?

Everything can be so cloudy obscuring my vision

Confusing the reality blurring the demon and myself in collision!

Looking down at my hands creations with glee

Only turning to doubt on every page

Wondering if it was good to any degree.

The world building process can be exhilarating

But will the actual story be as liberating?

Finding all my story beats flowing well towards the goal

Or are my hands just stumbling over another into a plot hole?

My art can be free and flowing in its abstract nature

Yet I can't help but feel like a lesser creator.

Is it truly an enigmatic shine

Or just a mad man's pretentious lines?

My poems are a chaotic mess that need rewired

They are just so tired.

Even standing across from the one my mind just can't drop

My mind constantly thinks about what I could have said to her as she picks

In every fleeting moment we have my mind is thinking about it nonstop.

I'm always thinking which is a dangerous game

You can never be sure when you are lighting the wrong flame!

Sparking the pain of overthinking and doubt

Making you see all the things you should have done

Before the flame has been temporarily doused.

I have no one but myself to blame

I am the creator of the demon who puts me to shame!

I always sit there introspectively quiet

As the demon is always ready to mentally start a riot.

Over a decades journey of finding ways to numb the feeling,

Weaving story tales to get lost in another mind,

Creating abstract art that is chaotic and appealing,

Using self deprecating humor that is refined.

I've found a way to shroud the flame away

Using comedy to lead everyone's eyes astray.

So I choose to silently endure as it festers

As I put on the mask of a Jester.

Making others smile and laugh is something I enjoy

To drown out my demon with some sense of real joy.

To see my family smile with pride,

To hear my friends laugh along the ride,

To know acquaintances and strangers enjoying everything in stride,

To get lost in her smile and laugh which can't be denied!

Seeing the effects my comedy can have behind my mask is healing

As I conceal the cracks of my demon who's in my head screaming!

I was content with everyone blissful unaware

Keeping my demon caged away from everyone's care.

I hide behind my comedy so you can't see the cracks through my mask

I promise there is no need to worry...

I promise there is no need to ask...

There is enough pain going on so just laugh and don't look back.