Maid For Marriage

85

"We need to talk." I just knew whatever he wanted to talk about, I wasn't ready for. "About?" He took a seat in front of me. "Us." Oh lord. "You said you wanted this marriage, right?" I nodded. "Yebo, Baba." I sat up straight because he seemed to be on a mission today. The seriousness and bass in his voice was kind of turning me.

Okay, Thandi. Calm down. Calm down, please.

"I agreed that the money from the settlement was all yours. That's how I want it to be. But..." There's always a but. "If we're in this marriage, I'm your husband. This is a traditional marriage no matter how modern our lifestyle is. I'm your husband, and I want to provide for you. I saw you were making a list with your sisters and I'll be extremely angry and disappointed if you just made the list because everyone else was making one and that you'll end up paying for your own things before I can provide for you. I want your home to be our home. How can I have control over my family if you're undermining me? That might be a harsh word, but it's what it feels like. MaKhumalo makes millions every year, but I'm still her provider. She respects the role I play, and she respects the fact that I'm her husband."

What was he saying? That I didn't respect him. "Baba, it's not that I don't respect the role that you play..."
"Then what is it?" The fact that he thought I didn't respect him hurt. How could I not respect him after the way he's been taking care of me since I stepped foot in the hospital. He put his entire life on hold for me. I didn't realize what I was doing or how it was making him feel. He just always seemed fine with it.

"I..." I couldn't continue. My lip started to shiver, and my eyes welled up. "Baby, it's okay. Please talk to me. I want us to work. We're meant to be. Our only way forward is to say how we feel." He handed me a handkerchief, and I wiped my tears. "I'm scared.' I started. "Being financially independent makes me feel safe. It means nothing can be taken from me. At first I used money as a way to get away from you but when I realized I still wanted you in my life I thought that if no money was exchanged between us we wouldn't have any problems. I thought we could recover from everything we've been through without that hanging over us. I'm sorry you feel I disrespected you. I never meant to."

"Why didn't you say something? I would've understood. When it comes to the financial side of things, I've realized my mistake. I haven't been fair. If I put everyone on a level playing field, we won't have problems. I really want you and I to sit down and sort out our finances. Every burden you have, I want to lift off you. Please, let me take care of you as I take care of my other wives. Your money should not be paying for things that my money should be paying for." I was still crying a little.

"It's not my money." He looked confused. "It's Nthombifuthi's money. Did you hear the law was changed?" He gave me a confused look again. "The law that prevented us from burying her. It's been changed. It's a little too late for us, but I'm glad other parents will get their closure." He came to sit next to me. "Why does it still hurt? I don't understand." I held onto his hand. "I think it's always going to hurt. We'll just get used to it." His thumb rubbed my hand. "Can I tell you something I've never admitted out loud?" He nodded. "I regret holding her." I broke down silently, and he held me to his chest. I regret seeing her. The only memory I have of my child is her being dead in my arms. I felt his tears fall and my forehead, and he wiped them off.

"Then they took her and turned her into medical waste." I muffled my cry in his chest, and I could hear him holding back sobs as well. "They turned my baby into medical waste." I placed my hand over my mouth so the others wouldn't hear. His breathing was irregular. I could tell he was crying. "Baba is everything..." I felt him shake his head and lift his arm, and then I heard MaGumede walking away. We sat there for hours crying over our children. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but knowing he felt this way too made the feeling less lonely.