Burden // Imallexx - George Memeulous

Chapter 1

*TW* - hateful thoughts about self.
- suicidal thoughts
- adult language
- anxiety

The cold air flowing through the window hit Alex's face, instatly dragging him out of his deep sleep "urg" Alex rolled to the other side of the bed, his head hitting his pillow, he leaned over and grabbed his phone, pulling it of charge as he did so.

4:00pm
George - 'Alex, are you getting up anytime soon, Will and James are coming over to film for the eboys channel, hope to see you in 30 mins x'

Alex loved filming with George, Will and James but somtimes he just wanted to stay in bed all day, in his head, writing storys about his feeling instead of acually telling someone who could help him. he stud up out of bed and grabbed a 2 day old jumper, putting it up to his nose "Eh, smells ight'" he put s the jumper on and just puts on some black joggers.

*Alex's POV*

I walked towards the door forcing a smile, when i opened my door i was greeted by George who was walking toward the front door i could only assume "oh hey Al nice of you to join us, you sleep ok?" George was concered i could feel it, i hated when he looked at me like that, frowny look on his face, makes me feel bad for feeling the way i do. i shood those thoughts and spoke "Yeah sorry, had a late night" i placed my hand on the back of my neck, iv had a rash there for about 3 months, im assuming its because of my anxiety, i googled it.
George just looks me up and down and says "Alex, i mean this in a place of love...when was the last time you had a shower or..ate proper food?" he was doing that look again exept it was worse this time. have i really lost that must weight? i didnt realise i hadnt been eating. "em...had a shower 2 days ago and ate some noodles-" he cut me off "You had noodles 4 days ago Alex" his eyes widened "lucky for you we are going a mukbang video today, well you 3 are i ain't coz of the mask" he held his hat, glasses and bandana up "oh great" i spoke quitely.

George went to get the door. i walked into the kitchen and got a drink of water, placing the glass to my lips i downed the whole thing, i didnt relise how thirsty i was. James came running into the kitchen along with Will "eh up Al, you ready-" james was cut off by Will "Jesus Al, are you ok?" everyone including George was staring at me, i know they worry but i don't want them too, i don't want people to be concentrating on me when they could be living there perfect life, i'm not worth it anyway.
"yeah im great, why?" Will looked at me the same as George, i looked at james and he was the same. my chest started to tighten up, "sorry i just need to brush my hair, ill be back" i said while barging past Will and James. i ran to my room and slamed the door behind me, sliding down the door i otld myself "You're ok Alex, you're ok" i held my chest and slowed my breathing. i'm not ok, i know that but maybe just maybe, if i told myself i was ok i eventually would be.

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*10 minutes later*

i stood up and walked towards my desk grabbing my brush, i brushed my hair "you can get through this video Alex, you've got this" i like to tell myself i'm ok even when i know i'm not, which most of the time i'm not but its just easier. my thoughts were cut of by a knock at my bedroom door. "Alex?" it was George. my breath hitched. i'v loved George since i can remember, obviously i didn't want him to know that. "yeah?" i answered back. "can i come in for a sec?" i ran to the mirror and checked my hair and outfit like that was going to make me look better. "yeah...come in" he opened the door and walked in, he was giving me that fucking look again, "you need to stop doing that" i spat out.

"doing what?" he looked at me all confused. i instantly regretted saying it. "that look" i said looking away from him. he had his mask, hat and sun glasses on ready for the vidoe but while waiting for my reply he pulled his mask down. "i don't think i understand" he lent against the door frame. i didn't want to answer he question, i barged past him while saying "lets just get this video over and done with...".

i walked into the livingroom and sat down on the sofa. James and Will looked at me. "you ok Al?" James said, i just looked at him and he looked away, i think the look said it all. Geroge came in, "right, is the food nearly here?" he asked, "'bout 15 minutes mate, why?" Will asks, "nowt just asking, was hoping we would have started filming by now" he walks into the kitchen in huff. Will looked at me "whats up with him?" how was i meant to know, i was just assuming its because he wanted to film. "how am i meant to know?" Will rolled his eyes, James looked at Will and I and just got up walking into the kitchen.

*George's POV*

I don't understand why Alex won't just talk to me about his feelings, my thoughts got interupted by James coming into the kitchen, "you ok mate?" James looked at me with caring eyes, he really wanted me to open up, but instead all i said was "yeah, you?" i pulled of my glasses and my mask, "yeah, you and Alex ok, i feel some tension?" what tension? i suppose i am annoyed at the fact he won't just talk to me. "no, i think we are all good" i answered back. "ok lets go back into the livingroom then" James made some room in the door way, placing his back on the door frame. i went to walk past him but him he blocked me of with his arm, "you know i'm always here for you, don't you George?" i felt my eyes tear up, putting my sunglasses on i spoke "yeah, thanks man" i gave him a side hug and made my way to the livingroom.

Alex was curled up on the sofa and Will was sat on the floor by the coffee table just looking at TikTock while waiting for food. "scoot" i told him while sitting down. Alex moved his feet and sat up right, tucking his knees near his chest while doing whatever on his phone. i pulled my phone out and scrolled through a few DM's, i didn't reply to any though i just like to look. "foods coming up now, i'm going to the door" Will stood up and ran to the door, James came in from the kitchen and sat on the only available chair. "Alex you exicted for this video?" i looked over at Alex, he was to busy doing whatever on his phone, "Alex?" i shook his knee, he looked up "erm...yeah i guess so" was his reply, i looked over to James but he wasn't buying it.

Will came rushing in with the food, we got a pizza, chicken wings, motzarella sticks (James wasn't having them but i like them so we got them) and a few burgers with chips. "Ok George this one is yours, James,Alex-" he passed them out and layed out what was being shared, i turned to Alex and he looked uncomfortable, "you ok?" i asked, he shoot me an annoyed look "George, i'm fine, please stop asking" i looked away, i felt hurt, i just wanted to makes sure he was ok. i brushed it of and watched James set up the camera. "ok lads get into position" i slid down next to Alex on the floor while James and Will sat on the sofa behind us, as me and Alex was the smallest i thought it would be best we sat on the floor as we dont have many chairs. James was sat behind me and Will behing Alex.

"3,2,1...Hello everbody it's WillNE here and welcome back to the eboys channel-" Will spoke "i'm James" he put his hand up, "and im George-" also putting my hand up "And im Alex." he said with a big smile on his face.
"so today we are doing a highly requested mukbang video" Will said.
"yeah for some reason you guys really wanted to see us eat...i won't be eating because of the mask, i know boring" i said. i had food but it was more for after the video, i was eating between takes but i don't like risking it during filming when i know it's going to stay in because it makes me uncomfortable.

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*2hrs later*

The video was over and most of the food was gone apart from the bits that were saved for me, it was cold but nothing that couldn't be warmed up. Alex sat back on the sofa "urg the floor has killed my arse" he spoke up, rubbing his lower back.
"yup i know what you mean" i stud up and felt it instantly.
"i best get going now, ill send the video over to the editor tommorow, you coming James?" he nodded.
"ok...ill see you out" i walked them to the door as Alex said bye.
When the front door closed i also heared Alex's bedroom door close...what's going on with him?

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-A