The Dangers in my Heart

I gave up on her

"I relinquished my pursuit of her when she declared that I was demanding too much of her time. However, I still monitor that green dot each time she appears online, and I hope - against all odds - that she will message me. For once, I desire that she will feel the same yearning for me as I feel for her.

I abandoned my pursuit of her when she expressed that she did not love me. I am aware that you cannot compel anyone to love you. Nonetheless, I was ignorant of how to stop loving her. I simply did. And she left me before teaching me how to move on. It's not equitable, if you ask me. But then, I knew it never was.

I gave up on her when she revealed that she loved someone else. I see her sometimes, walking hand in hand with her. And for a moment, I can close my eyes and almost sense that it is me who is holding her hand and making her laugh. But reality soon crashes around me, and I am left standing alone. Well, I do have my broken heart, but I doubt that counts.

I relinquished my pursuit of her when she stated that she was not the kind of girl to fall in love with. Believe me, I never sought it. But such are the ironies of destiny. A girl who is an excellent swimmer may drown. And here is me, a girl whom people believe cannot feel anything, slowly succumbing to love.

I gave up on her. And people say that you should never give up. People are ignorant. They know nothing. It's ironic because I am the one doing all the preaching here. Yes, I gave up on her. But, in my defense, I never stopped loving her. Not because I didn't want to. But simply because I never could."

Jisoo grinned mischievously and took another sip of her whiskey sour. "I never knew you had it in you, Lisa,' she said, shaking her head in disbelief. Her sly smile suggested that she was impressed by my poetic turn of phrase.

I sounded a bit annoyed as I replied to Chu. "I didn't mean to sound poetic, Chu. I was just trying to answer your question. You kept asking me why I gave up on her, so I was just trying to explain myself."

Chu seemed to be amused by my response. She chuckled, "You must really want me to know that you gave up on her, Lisa. You said it like five times!" She teased.

I playfully corrected her, "Actually, it was six times, but who's counting?" I took a breath then continued "But you're right, what matters is that I explained everything to you. I just hope you understand where I'm coming from. And as to why I gave up on her."

Jisoo chimed in with a whisper, "It was seven times now."

"Huh??"

"You said it again... so that counts as seven..."

"I will shove that glass down your throat."

"Please, don't be so hard on me. I'm simply trying to alleviate the melancholic atmosphere because it's difficult for me to endure." She concedes and displays a compassionate grin before taking another gulp. Meanwhile, I opt to take a sip of my Diet Coke."

Yes— a diet coke. I've had a tumultuous relationship with alcohol in the past, but lately, I've been more mindful of how it affects my life. Today is one of those days where I'm reminded of the importance of self-care and taking a break from the things that don't serve me.

You might be wondering who she was, the girl who left me feeling like a hollow shell of a woman.

Well she—

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Chu's sharp voice calling my name. "Lisa! Lisa!"

"Yes Chu?" I respond.

"Is everything alright? You appear to be absorbed in your thoughts with that scowl on your face. The way you're clutching that can, it seems like you're on the brink of unleashing something dangerous. Are you contemplating something lethal? Because I'm willing to assist," she said with a soft chuckle. She wasn't looking at me, but at the DJ, swaying her head to the rhythm of the music that enveloped the entire club.

"I assure you, we're not planning on harming anyone. I was merely reflecting on my earlier statement," I responded in a firm tone. Her expression hardened with disbelief as she gazed at me. "You were thinking about her, weren't you?" she accused.

Was I? It was just about my drinking problem—

Our conversation was abruptly interrupted by a sudden outburst of boisterous cheers emanating from the street below. Though we were on the second floor, we were compelled by curiosity to investigate the source of the commotion and the people to whom it was directed.

"Judging by the group of women clustered around a table, I could sense the thrill of competition in the air. They were engaged in a drinking challenge, with shot glasses lined up in front of them and a sense of urgency driving them forward. Though I could not make out their features clearly, their forms were lithe and graceful, and I found myself drawn to their movements with a sense of fascination and admiration. Lisa why don't we show them how it's done and drink till we dr-" I could feel Jisoo's confusion as she looked at me. My body froze, and my eyes were fixated on the black-haired woman in front of me. I knew deep down that it was her. Without a doubt.

I shared with Chu that the woman she saw was Jennie, the one who broke my heart. My voice trembled as I said, "Yes, Chu. That's her. That's Jennie, the woman who shattered my heart into a million pieces and left me in pieces.'"