US TOO | sequel to US

Chapter Seven

Melody POV

I laid in my bed staring at the ceiling. Wasn't shit else to do. It's 2 in the morning. The only light being my LEDS that's were purple.  My birthday was over. Officially 16. How great.

I don't feel any different. Isn't there supposed to be some feeling? Some new found maturity?

Ion feel shit. Just as sad as I did yesterday. Miss my girl mann.

It's my fault tho.

I don't even know why I treat her the way it do. Part of it is me just having to sabotage everything good in my life.

Another is me feeling like she can do better. Wanting to push her away-save her from me in a sense.

I'm fucked up. I know I am. On all these medications. Half of em I don't take. Shits make me feel like a zombie.

I put her through so much. Even though she's already been through so much. And she won't leave. She just won't leave. Even now I know I haven't lost her completely.

She keeps searching for some ounce of good in me that doesn't exist.

I'm too young to feel this way.

But it's true. I love her so much. I'm so in love with her it hurts. She lost her family over me. Her friends. Her self esteem. Her dignity. Her purity.

She deserves so much better. I broke her. In every sense of the word I broke her.

I've hit her. Said things to her that can't be taken back. Lied to her.

Only thing I haven't done is cheat. But I let her think that because that's just how I am. A shitty ass person. Ain't no fixing it. Im better off alone.

I look at my parents. I know they have their own problems but I look at them. I see how they'd rather die than actually lose each-other. I see how they never let it go too far. I see how my mom struggles with mental health. And how my dad beats himself up every time he misses a sign.

I look at my brother. How he's so happy with Messiah. How it's so easy. So easy to just be fucking happy.

Even Khalan. Khalan's clinically worse than me. And is still happier than I am.

Why can't I just be fine? I don't have to be great. Excited or even happy just fine.

The darkness I feel everyday is almost unbearable. And the only light I seem to have is hurting because of me.

How does that work.

Fucking hate myself.

I wasn't always like this. I was nicer. Happier. But I haven't felt that way in a long time.

"Mel.." I hear making me sit up.

"Stacy." I say looking at her. Her cheeks are tear stained like mine.

"Can I-Yes please." I interrupt her but she doesn't seem to mind. She closes the door making her way over to me.

I move over allowing her room on my bed and she sits beside me. I turning to face her and we make eye contact.

We lean in pressing our foreheads together.

"I'm so fucking sorry Stacy.." I let out a sob. She quickly grabs my face  caressing my cheeks.

"N-no" I pull her hands away and sit up against the headboard. "Don't comfort me. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anything." I cry.

She straddles me wrapping her arms around my neck. She leans back in and places her head against mine.

"I love you Melody. And deep down in your very odd way of showing it I know you love me too." She whispers. I shake my head and she holds my face in her hands.