Goodbyes are not forever

I've never understood death.
A person takes their last breaths and their soul goes to Heaven.
There's no doubt in my mind that heaven is real.
But how does your soul leave your body after being there for years?
Why does grief have to come with tears?

Another one goes year after year but for some reason I'm still here.
Don't get me wrong I love my life but I have so many questions and "We'll never know," will not suffice.

God has a plan there's no doubt about that.
But why does this have to be in my path?
Why did he have to take her away?
I don't know but I'll find out some day.

I have a million questions with no answers.
I've cried a million tears and gotten nowhere.
The pain never dims, it never goes away, but someday we learn how to not let satan win.

We learn how to cope 

It's so hard for me to be vulnerable
Maybe it's because I was told it makes you seem weak.
Maybe it's because I've been underestimated.
Maybe it's because I feel like I need to make up for something.
I guess I'll find out one day.

That day is not today.

I'm dehydrated from crying
Yet my mouth keeps lying
I lie in bed and my mouth says I'm fine while my heart says I'm dying.

My heart is breaking because you are gone,
but my tongue will say it's because I'm not strong.

I'll always miss you for the rest of my life,
but I think for now "I don't know" will suffice.

I know that some day God will answer my questions, I know that crying does not make me weak, I know that this pain will last forever but my heart will get stronger so the longer I go on the less it hurts.
The feeling of someone squeezing my throat as I hold back ugly tears will start to fade as I heal.

I'll see you in Heaven.
Good night baby girl.
Thank you Lord for the memories we got to make.
<3

Note from the author: Your pain is normal. It's okay to cry and feel kinda burnt. God loves you the same, no matter who you've hurt. I pray for your peace of mind and your safety. Sleep well reader 🤍.