The Lost Agent

Chapter 1

I think I want to die.

Not literally, I just feel like the weight of the universe that's upon my shoulders will soon break me. I hope I don't die, but it is a possibility. My back is sore from writing my reports and my eyes are watery from staring at my screen for what feels like decades. When I took on this job, I didn't think that it would be this stressful. Well, I mainly hate the mountain of paperwork. Haunts my dreams, really. Having to work in a vicinity that forces you to be vigilant about your identity can make your head adapt to crazy things. Geez, what a life I've chosen.

A sigh escaped my mouth, my eyes gazed upon the mountain of paperwork in front of me, somehow it made me want to throw up. I love this job, I really do, but being the youngest on the force and already having this much to do is utterly tiring. Especially with the fact that other women my age who are in the force don't have as much workload as I am. Unfair, I might say. Still, though, I'm doing my job. As painfully dreadful as it is, I still love it no matter what. It's the only thing that's keeping me alive, for now.

Hours after hours of work and I'm finally down to my last paper, my mission report. I saved this one for last because it's the easiest out of all of them. I just need to write that I managed to sneak into the house of a kidnapper, rescued all four of the captives, and single handedly took down five hitmen before escaping from the seems. Easy enough. Reports like these are my favorite to do, since I never need to write long-winded explanations about my progress and all of that, I just go off of what I actually did at the scene and not explain anything. Simple.

How come someone is able to take down so many people at one time? With one body too? Well, time to talk about the elephant in the room, I work as an agent. Where? Now what made you think I would tell you such a secret? Anyway, I do a lot of things, but mainly using people to get what I want (by negotiating, that is). I've been here for a long time, even though my age is fairly low, but I've been in the force since I was a teenager. Training at such a young age was hard for me, both physically and mentally, but I find it a good way to cope with my...problems. I love it here, I can be whoever I want whenever I want, there are no limitations as to who I can be. Keeping my real identity in the shadows has been easy, since that was my intention anyway. One day I could be a sweet college student with straight A's and a joy for gardening, tending to my little garden filled with roses and tulips. Another day, I could be a drug dealer, lurking in suspicious alleys and standing menacingly below a street light, waiting for my next prey. Whatever it is, as long as I can be free from my dreadful past, I can play the part.

Honestly, I can go on and on about this job and my love for it, but I can't right now, I've received a call to work. Maybe it's another rapport filing. But little did I know, it was a bit more complicated than that.

—

To think that call was going to be another report filing was a mistake.

I didn't think that I would be bestowed upon the duty of looking for some agent that has been missing for two years. The thought of it is a bit overwhelming, even more so when they told me I didn't have any files that can support the mission except from a general profile.

I'm still curious about it, though, the mission. When I asked why they wanted this agent to come back, I didn't receive an immediate response, it's like there's something hidden about it. I'm going to find out.

So now, here I am, in front of the filing room door. I wanted to know how I can get information on this, somehow. I'm trying to find a reason to pursue this mission, since there are some serious consequences if I fail. Going through the files, I started thinking about those consequences. I always like a good challenge, since it can also boost my performance in one way or the other. I'm the youngest, but also the best of the best. I can't afford to lose that title, can I? All my life I've strived to be perfect, to not do the same mistakes I did when I was just a pathetic little kid. This opportunity that's standing right in front of me can be the next step of becoming the perfect I strive towards. Though on this scale, the consequences outweigh the benefits. I would suffer bigger consequences than my other missions. They even threatened to kick me out of the force. Insane.

Honestly, I believe that I can do it, so why am I still weighing the possibilities? And why am I still looking through these files to find an answer? As soon as that thought came to mind, my eyes caught on one file, or rather, one picture.

Bingo.

—

I didn't actually think that I would find anything worth mentioning in this pile of files, but I found a picture of him...framed? I don't know why this is in the files cabinet, but it says in the bottom of the frame on a plack "Best Agent". It looks old, somehow in black and white, but I can recognize those eyes anywhere. It was him, Jack. Rather than relief, I felt anger when I recognized it. For all my life, I've been striving for perfection, and he who has achieved it just throws it out the window. Who is the foolish one here, exactly?

As I took my leave, my head was still spinning in place, still thinking about what I should do. Going undercover was new to me, I've never done it before. Can I survive? Sure, I've been in disguise multiple times, it's like a day-to-day experience at this point.

This came all so suddenly. I'm torn, really. On one hand, I'm afraid that I would be getting further away from myself if I do take on this mission. On the other hand, that was my purpose anyway, right? To get myself away from my life now, to live another life, to get rid of my past, my present, and future? Then, why am I so afraid?

My feet led me to my desk. This office is huge compared to my tiny desk that's full of clutter. Another sigh escaped as I reached for one of my reference books, truly some books I can't live without, might I add. I myself have lived with these books the second I picked them up. I never thought I had this many, on this desk too, on top of that. One book shined brighter than the others, it's nothing other than a book about perfecting my disguises. I remember the very first time I went in disguise. It was awful. But thankfully, I got the job done. Being someone you're not sticks to you somehow. Maybe I like that, maybe I like the challenge that comes with it, maybe I like not being myself. Maybe, just maybe, I'll take on this mission,

But what if I fail? I'd never forgive myself. What if I succeed? The opposite would happen. I've made it this long without making any major mistake, what if this mission ruins that? I can't afford to go through what happened in the past again. Still, I feel like I should take it. Maybe I'll get to meet him, too. Ask him what it feels like to be perfect, but if I fail, I'll be asking him instead. Which isn't a bad deal honestly.

I set my book down with my other clutter. I won't be seeing them for a while now.