Wednesday: What goes up but never comes down?
Enid: The amount of stress you're bringing to me.
Wednesday: Where have you been all day?
Enid: Oh, just dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.
Enid: What do I get?
Wednesday: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.
Enid: Ooh, check, check, and check; not sure about that last one.
Wednesday: It won't be you.
Enid: I'll get my coat.
Enid: *holding a salt packet* It's just a little sodium chloride.
Wednesday: Actually Enid, it's salt.
Enid: That's what I said, sodium chloride.
Wednesday: Uh Enid, that would be salt.
Wednesday: *takes salt packer from Enid* This is iodized table salt, which in addition to sodium chloride contains anti-caking agents and potassium iodate, which is added to prevent iodine deficiency. So not only are you being overly pretentious by insisting on using scientific terminology for everyday items, you are factually wrong. Your arrogance is your downfall, you annoying little shit.
Wednesday: State your name, rank, and intention.
Enid: Enid, Enid, fun.
Enid: Happy October 32nd! Second Halloween!
Wednesday: That doesn't exist.
Enid: Not with that attitude.
Enid: Hey, are you okay?
Wednesday: Yeah.
Enid: You don't look okay...
Wednesday: Then stop looking.
Wednesday: Did it hurt when you fell-
Enid: From heaven? Wow, I didn't think you were such a flirt-
Wednesday: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.
Enid: ...
Wednesday: You just laid there for 15 minutes.
Kidnapper: I have your partner.
Enid: What? I don't have a partner...
Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face?
Enid: Oh my god, you have Wednesday.
Enid: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.
Wednesday: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.
Enid: Th-that's not how that works-
Wednesday: I think I need a hug...
Enid: Good thing I'm hug shaped!
*45 minutes later*
Wednesday: You... you can let go now.
Enid: No, I absolutely cannot.
Wednesday: Valentine's day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart-shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-
Enid: I wrote you a poem.
Wednesday, already flustered: You did?
Enid: *watching the squad's shenanigans with concern* Do you feel like this has gotten out of hand?
Wednesday: I don't know. Feels normal enough for a group that's on 911's blocked caller's list.
Enid: Is that a gun?!
Wednesday: It's not what it looks like!
Enid: It looks like a gun!
Wednesday: Okay, maybe it is what it looks like, but in my defence, it doesn't have any more bullets, so I technically can't shoot it anymore.
Enid: ...ANYMORE?!
Enid: We'll find another route, it's not safe for amateur adventurers.
Wednesday: That sounds like a challenge.
Enid: I have to stress, that is not a challenge.
Wednesday: ... This Is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, the challenge was accepted!
Enid: There is no challenge!
Wednesday: Someone's trying to break in. Call the cops!
Enid: *loads shotgun* I got this.
Wednesday: Last week you fell up the stairs, what do you mean-
Wednesday: Hey, Enid, what do you think it would be like if we had kids?
Enid: What would it be like? Inconvenient, mostly.
Wednesday: No, I mean, what would they be like, the kids? You ever think about it?
Enid: Can't really say I have.
Wednesday: You know, for someone as eccentric as yourself, you can be boring as fuck sometimes.
Enid: Sorry, Wednesday. For what it's worth, I'm picturing them now. A boy and a girl. Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who've clearly got no business bringin' up anybody.
Enid: You read my diary?
Wednesday: At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.
Wednesday: What is this!?
Enid: That's the weight of guilt. Give in to the nice side. Help those unfortunate, and make the guilt go away, my friend.
Wednesday: Ow! Make it stop!
Enid: Surrender to your kindness, Wednesday. It's nice to be nice.
Wednesday: Your guilt is strong, my friend. But it is no match for the power of my selfishness!
