━ 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗕𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗞 𝟭𝟬𝟭 ; k. scaramouche

0.04

rule four
don't look at him

"YOU SURE YOURE GONNA BE OKAY?" cyno asks me worryingly. i nod, "i'll be fine." he sighs, ruffling my hair, "remember, don't look at him at all, don't even spare a glance." i laugh, nodding at him before walking inside.

in the corner of my eye i see alhaitham and kaveh arguing as always. "no! you are NOT putting those hideous decorations in our living room." kaveh yells at him, "uh, yeah i am. might i remind you i pay for our apartment." alhaitham argues, as i walk by them.

"y/n!" kaveh calls, and i turn back around, "yesss?" i answer, swaying on my feet. "settle a debate for us, will you?" kaveh smiles, and alhaitham face palms, "it isn't a debate, i'm telling you i'm hanging up those decorations."

kaveh scoffs, "don't listen to him." he whispers to me, "anyways," kaveh pulls out his phone, showing me a picture of the decor alhaitham wants to put up, i raise an eyebrow, "you want to put up a country music poster?" i ask, and kaveh nods, "see what i'm saying!"

"hey, by the way.." my mind wanders, "where are we meeting up for lunch?" a lightbulb then comes to kaveh's head, "we're gonna go to that boba place, the one that has really good food." he rubs his stomach.

"i personally voted for chick fil a, but of course, i can never have what i want.." alhaitham sighs, leaning against the locker behind him.

"i think i'm gonna head to class, better to get it over with." i laugh, face filled with worry as i feel the weight of my anxiety i've struggled with the past couple of days creep onto me.

alhaitham sighs before his sigh turns into a soft smile on his lips, "don't beat yourself up, alright?" he pats my shoulder, "love ya kid, don't stress yourself out so much." i laugh, "kid? you're 4 years older than me."

"i'm so under appreciated," kaveh shakes his head, "where's my "oh kaveh, i love you so much"?" he looks alhaitham up and down. "dream on." alhaitham gags, and a smile tugs on kaveh's face before he plays that one sound that says "dream on" over sing for the moment.

alhaitham walks away, muttering curses under his breath, and i take that as my turn to take off as well. as i was halfway through the hall, i hear kaveh yell "HEY! where are you guys going!?"

walking closer and closer to my marketing class, i feel another wave of anxiety pour down on me with every step i take, my head feeling fuzzy.

it felt like a void i was trapped in, trapped in my
own mind. "breathe, breathe, breathe." i mumble to myself as i feel the air getting heavy, unable to breathe.

i take a huge breath, trying to bring in as much air into my lungs as i can. my vision appearing slightly blurry as the figures in front of me are nothing but blobs.

"oh my god i'm gonna pass out, please thats so embarrassing hold yourself together." i whisper, feeling myself getting more drowsy with every step i take.

"holy shit-!" i hear a voice say, "i think she's having a panic attack!"

"panic attack..?" i whisper, "i haven't had one of those in years." it was embarrassing being in this state, keeping in anxiety can lead to unimaginable things, and i was really feeling that right now.

i hear a worried sigh, before i feel a hand take mine and lead me somewhere, my memory still being unstable, so it was impossible for me to comprehend any of this.

after god knows how much time, hands creep around my stomach, holding me up so i dont fall. "if you're gonna pass out, do it. i'll be here." the mystery voice whispered into my ear. "huh..?" i let out, "who are you?"

"uh," the mystery person spoke, "a friend." i take a sigh of relief, "ajax?" i ask, "yeah, ajax." they speak, laying my head on their shoulder. "thanks ajax, everything is so blurry, i cant even think." i cry, feeling tears stream down my face, "i know a rule was to not cry but i'm just.. not okay."

"what?" supposedly ajax spoke. "tch." he groans, "cry all you want, our secret." i sniffle into him, "is it me?" i ask him, "was i just not good enough?"

he stiffens up, letting out a breathy sigh, his words were a blur, and all that was comprehensible was his small whisper of "i bet he wishes things could be different."

"i miss him." i sob, clenching onto the figure like it was life or death, "i've barely gotten any sleep, i've just been trying to make you guys happy by acting as if i'm okay."

he tightens his grip onto me, "wanna know my opinion?" the voice asks, and i nod, "if you keep things in for too long you're bound to break, just like this."

his words confused me, "but you made the idea," i speak, "well it's a really fucking stupid one." he sighs. "just.. let it all out."

ajax's words stunned me, making my eyes instantly puffy with tears coming down it. he rubs my back, and i sink into him, and soon find myself fast asleep.

-----

"huh..?" i rub my head, confused on where i was currently, "where am i?"

"oh! rise and shine dear," the nurse, miss lisa smiles, "how's your head?"

i rub it, "im okay, who brought me here?" i ask, unable to remember any of the past events. miss lisa smiles softly, "guess you could call him your knight in shining armor, isn't that so?"

"oh, uh, yeah!" i laugh, "am i allowed to go back to class?" i ask her and she nods, "just take it easy dear, you should be in the same class you were in before."

"thank you." i smile at her, grabbing my textbooks. "have a nice day!" i wave, walking out.

i walk to my class, this time feeling refreshed, and ready to face on anything in the world. i enter the classroom and mr kaeya greets me with a big "heeyy! you made it."

i smile at him, "i did." i say, walking to my seat. "where were you!? hu tao asks, shaking me. "whoa.." i answer, dizzy, "nurses office."

"NURSES OFFICE!?" hu tao yells, making everybody in the class look at us, even the indigo eyed boy.

i gulp, making sure to keep looking directly into hu tao's eyes, "hu tao.." i whisper to her, and she catches on, "don't look, y/n." she says, and i keep my eyes glued to
her before i see in the corner of my eyes the boy turning away.

i take a big sigh, resting my head onto my desk.

"this is going to be harder than i thought.."