Bloodshed | Ryeji

32 | the fall

Ryujin

Asking her what's wrong was not even in the list anymore. I figured it wasn't the right question to ask at all. "Breathe, Yeji." I told her. She tried to speak, but tears kept on coming, preventing her to do so.

When she broke away, the first thing that caught my eye was a bruise resting on her cheek. It didn't look accidental—no. It was a direct hit from someone who wanted her hurt.

"Who did this to you?" I asked, my eyes starting to see red. I tried my best to remain calm, not wanting to get her shaken up even more.

She didn't answer me. Instead, she positioned herself and placed her head on my lap, closing her eyes that were in deep pain.

her crestfallen self gave in, and here I am, in a pool of questions screaming to get answers. I didn't know what was wrong, nor do I know what's happening, but one thing's for sure.

She's in pain.

and it hurts me to see her like this.

I let out a sigh. I gathered all my courage and slowly brushed my hand on her arm, comforting her. "Tell me what's going on, please." I said. Her eyes were still shut, tears starting to dry up. "...But it's okay if you won't. I just...I don't know how to make you feel better." I continued.

"This is enough." She whispered, her voice hoarse and dry. She turned her body around to face my waist, hugging me once again. I gulped. The proximity of our bodies was too much for me to handle, yet no matter how much I tried convincing myself to push her away, I couldn't.

I just hope she doesn't notice how my heart wants to get out of my chest right now.

Yeji—she wasn't supposed to mean anything in my life. After knowing who she was, I could've simply told her to leave or scare her off but something stopped me from doing so. Or perhaps, she was the reason.

Maybe I wanted her to mean something afterall.

She was like an anchor that keeps on dragging me down in the deepest trench, yet she's also the one giving me a reason to breathe.

Each new revelation from her—her thoughts, her feelings, and simply herself, made me realize that I wanted to be a part of her life for as long as she wanted me to.

Or maybe for as long as I can.

When I was a child, I never asked for anything from my family. Things were always given to me, and all I had to do was accept.

But now?

I never wanted anything so bad until she came, and she was one thing that I couldn't have.

Despite that fact, I was afraid to lose her. I wasn't hers yet she had my heart on her hand.

I stroked her hair using my fingers and tucked them behind her ear. Her nose is a little red, and still, her closed eyes held every burden she tried to hide.

We stayed like this for a couple more minutes before she decided to sit upright, collecting herself from her sudden breakdown.

She reminded me of what it was like to have abrupt outbursts in the morning. It was either roseanne or yuna who often see me losing myself, and now, I hate to admit it, but yeji's been there every time.

I'm just thankful that I'm here for her, too.

"Come here." I asked her to scoot closer to me as I wrap my arms around her, my heart still pounding.

She rested her head on my shoulder, and with tired, swollen eyes, she seeked for mine.

I've never seen her like this before.

"You're safe with me." I cupped her cheek, wiping those little tears away. I gently caressed the bruise on her face, making sure I won't cause her pain. "I need to know who did this."

"Ryujin—"

"No one should ever lay their hands on you." I cut her off. "No one, yeji."

She looked away. "It was my fault. I deserved it." She said, inching away. She stood up, her back facing me.

"Make me understand." I said. "Tell me what happened."

"It was my brother." She started. "He...he told me he took out Nam Do Yon. He even told me you're next but I can't let him get to you."

"Yeji, we can manage him. You don't have to —"

I couldn't continue talking when she faced me, it was another emotion coming out.

She's...worried.

"No, you don't understand." She said, a hint of desperation in her voice. "I want out, Ryujin. All this war between families, it all goes in a circle. I lost my parents, my bestfriend died saving me, and you lost people too. We all had something to let go and I can't let it happen again. Knowing Hyunjin...he never stops unless he gets what he want."

Desperation was in her voice so I let her talk. It was as if she's been realizing a lot of things just now.

"...I came here for one reason and that was to put down the man that destroyed my life. I trained for this mission, and all I ever wanted was revenge. I was sent here to kill someone, Ryujin. I've devoted my life to ruin them and if things didn't go the way they were, I would've hurt you, too."

"But now? I just...I couldn't even handle the thought of you getting hurt because of me. for the record..being with you should've felt menacing. It should've felt suffocating and distant. I tried convincing myself that I hated you until I realized that the only person there is to hate was myself."

"Since then... all there ever is whenever we're together is comfort that I couldn't find in anyone and anywhere else. You're not a goddamn place but you're someone I'd love to go home to. But ryujin I..."

"I honestly don't know what's next for me. Hyunjin probably alerted everyone about what I said, and I know he won't take me back once I give him my final decision."

"Then stay with me, Yeji..."

"You know I can't." She raised her voice a little, making me take two steps back, making my distance. "I can't continue this with you, Ryu.." She couldn't meet my eyes. "I know you know what I mean."

"We can try." The words that came out of my mouth was more of a whisper, afraid of what's bound to happen next. Cards are on the table, and for the first time, I was sure of what I was feeling.

I was falling for her.

"I'm not worth it." She replied. "I'm not someone you'd want to be with at all." My chest tightened seeing a tear fall from her eye once again.

What she said next was like a bullet piercing my heart.

"...Do me a favor and save your heart for someone else, ryuddaeng."