Daffodils in Spring

FLORENCE: Talk of an Engagement

My parents had invited the Faradays for dinner. They did this every month to maintain relations between the two families and affirm the agreement between myself and Matthew. It was silly really because with my parents' wealth, I could have been matched off to just about anybody and instead they chose Matthew. I wasn't sure whether they had done this for my sake in that they knew him, his family and the ways in which things are done in their household. He wasn't likely to turn into some form of tyrant and make my life hell however he also wasn't going to be the most exciting and sweep me off of my feet. It was an average match, so therefore perfectly acceptable.

It was always at these dinners that I wished I had siblings; someone to make noise and fill the silence that seemed ever-present. Matthew stared at his plate, stabbing items with his fork and chewing absentmindedly, only looking up and replying when directly addressed by one of our parents. I, on the other hand, stared up at the ceiling. It was beautifully decorated, ornate paintings adorned it, created in times long past. We were rarely allowed into the formal dining room so I always took my time to admire it when I could. It was closed off, sheets thrown over the furniture when not in use and usually locked.

"So, Florence, how are you feeling now? Much better we hope." Lady Faraday said, eyes piercing me as if looking directly into my soul.
"Much better, thankyou Lady Faraday." I replied, using her official title despite our obvious familiarity.
"We must have you fit and well. The engagement will be official any day now and we would like it to be a short one. You must be married before you are twenty." She averted her eyes back towards a plate, her statement hanging in the air. My parents did not speak, having noted my indifference on the matter. Matthew sat, staring at his plate that was now clean of food.
"Matthew, have you nothing to say?" Lord Faraday asked, placing his knife and fork at the centre of his plate and placing his hands on either side of it on the table.
"Is this the moment I am supposed to propose?" Matthew asked innocently, as if misunderstanding the question. His father inclined his head in response, rolling his eyes slightly in the process. "Very well." He said, without feeling. "Florence, will you do me the honour of marrying me?" He looked bored at the prospect, unfeeling and apathetic.
"Yes." I answered, very much in the same vein as him. And with that, it was done. It would be in the society newspapers tomorrow and official. The thought did not thrill me. In fact, it bored me. I was not happy or horrified but somewhere in the middle.

"Well, we must start preparing Lady Abbott." Lady Faraday said to my mother. "Tomorrow we will start making arrangements." And with that she clapped her hands together and stood, gesturing to Lord Faraday.
"We will leave you for the night Lord Abbott. Thank you for the wonderful food and as usual, your generosity." He turned to the door and walked out without a backward glance. I stood awkwardly, waiting for my mother and father to follow the Faradays through the door. I needed a moment alone to contemplate my future.

When I thought that everyone had gone, I leaned against the wall and took a deep breath and then steadied myself against it, crown of my head against it and eyes lifted towards the ceiling. "So, am I to take it you would rather not marry me either?" Matthew said from the far side of the room. I jolted, looking forward suddenly to locate him.
"No one was meant to be here." I said, still surprised that he had managed to escape his parents' grip.
"Florrie, we shouldn't marry if we don't want to. This is madness...once upon a time it's all I thought about but now...no. Just no. I don't think I can go through with it, can you?" His eyes were pleading with me and all at once I could see his unhappiness, feel it in my bones.
"We shouldn't. But you know we have no choice in the matter...it's been decided for us for so long now I'm not even sure how we could go about not getting married Matty." I dare not look at him. As much as I also didn't want this marriage to go ahead, the thought of not being married to Matthew after all these years was also too daunting for words. I feared the unknown as much as I feared what was already planned. He looked resigned; a sadness radiated out from him that I had never noticed before. Beneath all of his bravado he was clearly in anguish and there was nothing I could, or really wanted, to do about it.
"We'll announce it tomorrow then." He sighed, talking to the wall. "You know, we will be married within the year and they'll be expecting children soon after."
"Yes." I returned quietly, knowing exactly what he was referencing. I wasn't as naïve as people thought, I'd seen the artwork at the National Gallery. "I know that. But what can we do Matty?" I looked at him imploringly, hoping he had some kind of resolution to his pain and my indifference. "IS there someone else?" I said suddenly, voicing my thoughts out loud. He whipped his head up from the floor.
"No, there isn't actually. Do you really think so little of me?" He looked angry now and strolled towards me. "You don't want me Florrie, do you?" His face was close to mine, his hands grasping my arms painfully. "You've never wanted me so don't pretend this is all me." I'd never seen him so irritated, his face twisted into an expression that was unlike any of the others.
"I...I don't know what...um Matty?" I couldn't answer, the words didn't link together. It wasn't him. And just like that, he was back. He dropped his hands from my arms and stepped back.
"We'll announce it tomorrow." He repeated, as if to himself and to me. And with that he strolled out of the door without so much as a backward glance.