The Thought of Death (Is Just As Appealing As Your Touch)

A/N: this is kinda vent-ish and also a stress reliever so

theres gonna be topics of suicide attempt and a slight panic attack or somehing like that

oh yeah soap is somewhat mentioned/shows up here so implied soapmic (but can be platonic based on how you view them

my pov (mics pov)

ignorw how shitty it is LMFAO

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01/26/2023

Soft gusts of wind flew by me. The noise that came from it felt soothing. Almost too soothing. I love finding comfort in things, I'm sure everybody does too. Thing is, however, I find it hard to ever feel comfortable, whether its my surroundings, or people. Especially people.

Memories of way back into my life flashed before my eyes as I desperately looked for a spot to sit and think. I was in a quiet, calming nature walk down Perilous Forest and just so happened to bring my meds with me. As I went off trail to find the perfect spot to reflect on my thoughts, I zoned into the sounds and visuals of my surroundings. Just to distract myself from what was going to happen in about 15 minutes.

The sounds of chirping birds and crickets felt so big and loud, almost overwhelming the more I focused on it, yet I still faced them head on. I looked around and found many creepy crawlies on the trees, the grass, almost everywhere. Although I mainly focused on the bees. The buzzing they make when flying around only added to the noise, overtime the noise built up until I could only hear (from what I assume) was static and ringing.

Despite that, I breathed cautiously and carefully, it felt like I was walking on a tightrope 90 feet in the air. I noticed my hands growing weak as I pushed aside some bushes and branches.

Gosh, Mic, calm down. Pull yourself together.

The soft static seemed to speak to me. Guiding me. Which brought me to come across a forest clearing, with the right amount of whelming sounds and sunlight. The rays of sun made its way past the trees and glowed like lit lanterns on the sky, and at last I found the spot. Lush, colourful flowers rooted up from the ground, colouring the small clearing. It almost felt unreal.

Taking a shaky breath, I saw a short tree growing right in the middle of the clearing, and sat against it, now taking in the moment for just a few more minutes before the soft static spoke again.

You're delaying, Mic.

It's now or never.

Special words spoke through the now flooding noises that surrounded me, it felt suffocating. I eventually listened to them, pulling out my meds and just stared at it.

Everything is going so well for you.

Don't do it.

It's not worth it.

I hastily faced away from the bottle, setting it down on the grass. Conflicting thoughts now clashing against each other, fighting. The feeling is all too familiar, it makes me sick. It felt so frustrating. The static and ringing only got louder.

And louder.

Until I felt my eyes get wet.

Had I been crying..? I reached a hand to my face, wiping off the stream of tears that I had suspected. I once again grabbed the bottle of meds, this time opening it-

I was interupped by a familiar voice. And a tight, warm embrace.

"MIC! MIC!! Ohmygodohmygodohmygod I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE!"

The familiar smell of vanilla soap soothed me, drowning out the static, the noise. I shyly hugged her back. Her hug felt desperate, and warm. All that I could hear now were soft whispers of worry and sniffles. It took me a moment before I realized how much I would've missed her. Missed them.

And just maybe the thought of death wasn't as appealing as I thought.