A Week with Katherine

Diary Entry #6

Dear Jamie,

I fucked up. I always do but this time I seriously fucked up. I hope you can forgive me.

I'm sorry that I lied to you yesterday. And, when we get caught I'll take the full blame. It was my fault after all.

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Here is my formal confession since I forgot to write what happened yesterday a̶n̶d̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶i̶m̶p̶o̶r̶t̶a̶n̶t̶l̶y̶ ̶b̶e̶c̶a̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶w̶e̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶d̶e̶f̶i̶n̶i̶t̶e̶l̶y̶ ̶g̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶c̶a̶u̶g̶h̶t̶:

After watching movies at Jamie's house, I got angry thinking about how unfair the last year of my life has been. And I wanted, and I still want, the Williams family to pay for what they've done.

I felt they should take responsibility for the part they played in making me a social pariah.

So I left Jamie's house early and went to my house to get my softball bat.

I was only planning to smash their mall box but when I noticed Craig's car parked in the driveway something in me just snapped, again.

Thank the universe that the Williams family hadn't been home and had chosen to walk the single block over to the Park family's house for their monthly dinner with them.

It was the sound of Craig's car window smashing that drew Jamie outside to see what was going on.

And in his defense, Jamie did try to stop me.

He yelled something about smashing cars not being the answer to problems and trying to figure out something else to do to fix whatever was bothering me while I ignored him and continued to hit Craig's car.

Jamie tried to get me to calm down but it was like I was blinded by all the rage I'd felt in the last year because that's when I started smashing the second car in their driveway.

Eventually, Jamie stopped trying to stop me and just stood there watching me go crazy.

When I stopped, he wasn't even mad at me. He just asked me, "do you feel better now?" (That's a direct quote).

I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel better because I did. It's like the weight I had been trapped under had finally been lifted.

That's when Mr.Andrews came out of the woods, it looked like he was walking the family dog.

So, Jamie grabbed my hand and rushed me into his car before driving us both away randomly down the street.

In a way, aside from being my getaway driver, Jamie is completely innocent.

Smashing the cars wasn't how I fucked up by the way, not completely.

I fucked up by lying to Jamie about who the cars belonged to. It was more of a half lie but that's not the point.

I told him the cars were Bridget's family's which is true. The problem was I didn't tell him that her family included the town's Sheriff.

So, today, I was hiding out in my tree house. I knew that Bridget and Craig would know it had been me and come looking.

I doubted and still do doubt that they will press charges but it was still best to steer clear of them.

I hadn't expected them to go to Jamie to look for me. But I should have expected how angry Jamie would be when he heard the truth and found me.

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As I wrote before, I'm super sorry, Jamie.

And, I hope I get a chance to tell you that to your face.

Also, thank you for covering for me. You shouldn't have had to and you definitely didn't need to. I wouldn't have blamed you if you hadn't.

I'm not just sorry for lying. I'm sorry for blowing up at you after you found me and rightfully tried to talk some sense into me too.

The sense you were speaking must have been delayed because I didn't realize how right you were until after you left and I was crying in the wood alone.

There's no excuse for yelling at you the way I had beyond saying I had gotten defensive.

Everyone else always makes me feel crazy and normally when I'm with you I feel sane.

But this afternoon, it felt like you were starting to see that I am as messed up as everyone says and it made me feel like I was losing control.

And when I lose control, I do drastic things without thinking them through.

I really like you, so I hope I didn't mess things up beyond repair.

Even if you don't feel the same, I don't want to lose you as a friend because as you keep proving you are a really good friend to have.

I'll think of something to make things right.

Desperate,

Kat