Old Scars Future Hearts (JILY)

Chapter 13

James woke to find himself spooning Lily. Lily fucking Evans was in his bed, and it was becoming a regular occurrence. Sound asleep and looking as angelic as ever. He basked in the moment, pulling her closer so that they were pressed together tightly, every part of them touching. He buried his face in her hair, pressed a soft kiss to her bare shoulder, lightly ran his fingertips up and down her side - waking her gently. This is how he wanted to begin every day. He took another deep breath, let her smoky sweet scent clear his mind, before the memories of last night could overwhelm him.

But it was impossible to keep the thoughts at bay, even with Lily's soft body pressed against him.

Remus was one of his best friends. And he trusted James to keep him safe. And keep everyone else safe from him. And James had failed. Not only had a girl gotten hurt, but Remus was hurting too and he wasn't sure if he would ever get over this.

Hot, sticky guilt clawed its way up James' throat, his hand flexed on Lily's hip as he struggled to take a deep breath. And then he felt guilty for falling apart, when he had no idea what Remus was feeling.

He needed to pull himself together. He needed a moment of normalcy from the chaos of last night. He needed a breath of fresh air. He looked down at Lily. He had all he needed right next to him.

She had started to stir while his thoughts had spiralled and he eased her onto her back to he was hovering above her.

"Morning Potter." She said, he voice rough and full of sleep.

"Potter, really?" He lowered his head to hers for a kiss but she turned away so his lips grazed her jaw.

"You're not getting anything until I get some answers." He'd been exhausted and clearly feeling guilty last night, so she hadn't pushed him, but she wasn't just going to brush it under the rug either. If they were going to be whatever they were, he needed to start being totally honest with her. James groaned and collapsed on top of her, squishing her.

"You're killing me Lily-bug." She just rolled her eyes at the stupid nickname that he'd clearly used to try and soften her. "I told you last night, it's not my story to tell."

"Well someone better tell me something. Or you're getting nothing." She shoved him off her and left his room without a backwards glance.

It was in the paper. Young girl brutalised by werewolf. Everyone in the Great Hall was talking about it at breakfast. Loudly. It was impossible to find a corner that was safe from whispers and speculation. It explained why the Marauders found Remus eating breakfast in the bathroom near the astronomy tower.

Both Sirius and Remus were in foul moods, Peter was the only one acting even remotely normally. Remus floated through the day, his face devoid of any emotion, refused to answer questions when called on in class and didn't take any notes. Sirius was louder and more disruptive than usual, he picked fights, punching someone if the so much as brushed up against him while walking in the hallways. James was at the end of his tether keeping everyone together. At two o'clock he'd had enough and pulled the Marauders out of classes to hide out in the library.

When everyone was seated around small round table deep in the library, James cast a quick privacy spell and decided to just rip the bandaid off.

"Lily needs to know." Peter's mouth dropped open in surprise. Sirius just rolled his eyes. "I'm deadly serious. I think we should tell her."

Sirius scoffed from where he was lounged, feet propped up on the table, ripping pages out of his potions textbook and folding them into paper airplanes. "If we told every woman you wanted to fuck that Remus was a werewolf the entire female population of Hogwarts would know." Sirius had barely finished his sentence before James had launched himself across the table and had him pinned against the bookshelf behind them, gripping his collar tightly.

"She's not just some women I want to fuck." He seethed. She was so much more than that and Sirius knew that, but he was in a bad mood and picking a fight for the sake of picking a fight. And James was raising to the bait.

"So you don't want to fuck her? Maybe I'll take her for a ride then." Sirius smirked.

"You are pushing your fucking luck Black" Sirius reared back, slapping James' hands off his collar. James only ever called him by his surname as an insult, because it was the only one that worked, it cut deep. Sirius didn't want to be associated with his family. It was a low blow but so were Sirius' comments about Lily. "I don't know what the fuck your problem is but I don't have time to deal with you right now. I have Lily breathing down my neck demanding answers for what happened last night and Remus needs us right now to get your shit together."

"So you want to tell Lily because she's annoying you?" Peter asked, his face the picture of innocence.

"No I want to tell her because she's smarter than all of us combined. If she knows, we're all safer for it. She can brew potions to ease Remus' suffering. She can help us plan better. And...it's someone who knows where we go, incase anything happens."

Peter shrugged, "It's Remus' secret so it's Remus' decision." Everyone turned to look at Remus, he was lying on his forearms on the table. James didn't think had been listening and so he opened his mouth to repeat himself but Remus interrupted him.

"We should tell her. She's already suspicious. And if Prongs has to continue to lie to her them it'll just ruin what they have."

"No Mooney." Sirius slapped the table, drawing attention from everyone around them, apart James' privacy charm wasn't that great - this was why they needed Lily. "Don't tell her just because you think it might fuck up Prongs chances with her otherwise. He's perfectly capable of fucking it up all on his own."

"You." James said, pointing an accusing finger at Sirius. "Are on thin fucking ice." He took a deep breath and turned back to Remus. "But he's right. Don't tell her because of me. Tell her because she can help you. Tell her because she's your friend. Tell her because you want to."

"I do want to. She's my friend and she should know. But..." He sighed heavily. "I don't think I can be the one to tell her. I don't think I could bear the look on her face as she realises I'm a monster."

"No-one thinks you're a monster Mooney." Peter refuted.

"That little girl from last night does." There was nothing anyone could really say to that.