What it Feels Like to Drown.

She continues to drown.

Pain.

Pain was all she knew. Everything before her father lost himself was gone. It didn't matter. Because of her. Because she was so damn stupid. She should have never written that song. Then, her father would still be here. He could do the one thing he loved and she would have never fucked it up.

All that was left was the music. She told herself to keep composing. Nothing else matters, just keep composing. Why eat, why sleep? She didn't deserve that, and she knew it. Health was a second priority. It was her fault her father was in his situation in the first place, and she made a promise that she would keep creating. Just keep going, going, going.

She never thought that having ramen once every few days and the occasional cup of water would end up in her waking up to blinding white walls with the beeping of a heart rate monitor. Mizuki noticed she hadn't been responding and went to her place to check on her, finding her unconscious. This is just getting in the way. Let me leave. Why did you find me? I would have eventually gotten back up.

Help?

She didn't need help. That was the last thing she needed. She needed to leave that place so they could help people like her dad, not nuisances who forget to eat from time to time. She needed to keep creating.

Eating...Disorder.

There was no way. Food wasn't that important, there was no reason to fret over something so small, so pointless. She excused herself, returning home to compose again. She would repeat the same cycle, if she could continue to save them. Self care is utterly useless. What am I if I can't save my listeners? Can't save my father? She continues to drown.

So lost in the music, lost in her head, lost in the nonexistent memories, she continues to drown. She tried to let people in, but all it did was make her weak. She had...feelings. For a girl, to be specific. How dumb it was, that love. How idiotic of her to let herself stoop so low. She didn't have time for love, she needed to keep composing.

She should have never fallen for someone who barely knew themselves. An empty shell, with nothing left but hurt and sorrow. Mafuyu didn't return her feelings, for she barely understood what they even meant. For the first time since her fathers..disappearance, it hurt. It hurt like hell. She continues to drown.

She decided she didn't want to feel anymore. Didn't need to feel anymore. Everything around her existed only to betray her. All she had was the music. She threw everything away, every relationship, every memory, every feeling. Nothing mattered. It was just her and the music. Her friends worried, but eventually they stopped trying. Why should they try, she didn't care. All that mattered was creating. She continues to drown, until the darkness swallows her whole.

Nobody had heard from Kanade in a while. They thought she wanted nothing to do with them, so they left her alone. Mizuki thought it was wrong. They spoke to everyone else, for it to all fall upon deaf ears. If she wants to throw her life away, let her. Why should we care? Mizuki didn't agree. She was someone they held so dear, where did it all go wrong?

They lashed out at Mafuyu. If you listened to her and understood what she was saying, maybe this wouldn't have happened! It was pointless. Mafuyu wouldn't understand, couldn't understand.

They decided they would take it into their own hands. As they inched closer to the Yoisaki residence, they could feel the sweat building up on their forehead. There was a sense of uneasiness building up in their gut, but they had to keep moving.

"Kanade? It's Mizuki, I know we haven't spoken in a while, but I'm worried about you. Please open the door!" Nothing. They checked the door, and it was unlocked. Why would Kanade be so careless? They decided to enter. Kanade would understand, right?

The silence was chilling. It was cold, abnormally so. It gave Mizuki a feeling of dread, but they continued to make their way through the house. They reached Kanade's room. With a knock that received no response, they entered while sucking in their teeth.

Vomiting? They were... vomiting. The scene was dreadful. They couldn't take it. All this time, Kanade had been rotting. Nobody went to check on her, nobody prevented it. Mizuki felt disgusting. Kanade was abnormally pale. She was so thin. How long had she been there?

Mizuki searched the room, ignoring the feeling that they were invading. They found a note addressed to Kanade from the local hospital. When they opened it, they felt the color drain from their face. It was her father.

Gone.

He was gone. Kanade was gone. The world was gone. Mizuki felt lightheaded, and left before they couldn't take the scene anymore. They called for help, but there was no point. It was too late. If they had been quicker, went to help her, she would still be here.

They blamed themself. The guilt was too much. They also lost to the darkness, as it swallowed them whole.

I'm sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry.