𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐒, james potter

20. do you care?

POTIONS DRAGS ON for what feels like forever. James is in class for the first time in a week and a half, and the entire duration of the class is spent with Nesrin overthinking about whether or not to ask if he's okay.

She knows it shouldn't concern her, that nothing about him should concern her anymore. But it does. She worries about him all the fucking time. Especially during the last week.

Throughout class, she keeps opening her mouth, hesitating, thinking it over, closing her mouth again, and then doing it all over again.

She's biting her lip and still turning all the possible outcomes over in her head when class is dismissed and James starts packing his things. He moves to get up, and without thinking and on impulse, her hand shoots out to grab his arm.

She feels his muscles tense, and realizing what she's doing, she immediately pulls back her hand. James turns slowly and meets her eyes, his face completely blank.

Nesrin wishes that didn't hurt as much as it does.

She swallows, his eyes trailing down with the motion and then abruptly looking back up.

Quietly, she says, "Are you feeling better?"

For a long moment, he just stares at her. He's quiet for so long that not only have all their classmates left but so has Slughorn. Suddenly feeling awkward, she clears her throat, looking away from him.

Then with surprising softness in his gaze, he says, "Do you care?"

Her eyes shoot up to his. He doesn't say it in an angry or mocking way. He sounds genuinely curious—as if he really wants to know the answer.

And in the moment she stares at him, she is unable to mask the longing on her face. Unable to hide all her feelings as they project themselves onto the one person in the world she was once able to be herself around.

In a voice barely above a whisper, she replies, "Yes." It is so quiet in the room that she can hear James swallow. She can hear his low, sharp intake of breath and with the intensity of a million suns, she can feel his gaze on her. Quickly, she adds, "Of course, I care. I would want to check on anyone who had a fall like that."

His expression twists and he scoffs lightly. "Of course," he mutters under his breath.

Without another word, he stands from his seat and leaves the room. Nesrin watches his retreating back with growing anguish in the pit of her stomach.

✧ ✦ ✧

SHE CAN'T GET James out of her head.

When she lived with her aunt, she was able to go days without thinking of him. Eventually, the thought of ever returning to him and him welcoming her with open arms had become too much of a fantasy. A silly dream that she woke up from after a few months.

Some days, she even thought she was over James Potter. She was wrong.

Because coming back to England, back to Hogwarts, only heightened every single feeling she had ever felt for him. Seeing him with someone else pains her more than she would like to admit. She has never particularly been one to glow with envy of other girls, but seeing Lily touch James in the way she used to just amplifies this sick feeling of jealousy.

She hates it.

She sighs silently as she trails a few steps ahead of Idris into a secret alley in Hogsmeade. Today is the day they are supposed to get their death eater marks.