What About Us? - Book 1

Chapter Nine

The air suddenly turns humid and I feel sweat gather from under my skin. I feel the hammer of my heart charge boldly into my chest as she slowly approaches me. Her hair is tied back into a messy bun. She's wearing sweatpants and I swear to god that's one of Mark's sweaters.
Can I leave now?
She clears her throat loudly, shuffling uncomfortably.
"Are you okay?" I feel myself asking and instantly I blush.
Why the fuck did I ask-
"I'm...fine." She laughs briefly steeping closer to me.
I inwardly shuffle away, gulping as if she had a gun was ready to pull the trigger on me.
In some ways it was like that.
Exactly like that...
"Dan, please."
I wrench away from her touch. As soon as I do her face falls and her eyes fill with affliction. I instantly feel like kicking myself.
I can't do this. I can't do this.
"I know you're hurting but-"
"Do you?! Well isn't that..." But I halt when I look into her eyes.
"I'm sorry." She innocent implies.
I cover my face, fingers violently pressing into my flesh.
"Why are you sorry?"
She slowly unravels my hands and I gasp as her indigo eyes peer firmly into mine.
She's so...
"I destroyed our friendship. I destroyed you and Mark's friendship. I destroyed the band."
"So...you're going to break up with him?"
"Dan..." She tries to drag me into a hug but I move away quickly.
"You can't seriously love him, Will. You can't. You don't."
"Danny, I do."
I shake my head, laughing like a maniac.
"He doesn't love you."
"Dan-"
"I just want...I-I wanted-"
"I know." She pulls me into a cuddle.
She pulls away, smiling.
"Come inside, please?"
"I don't know, Will. I messed up and I don't think-"
"For me?"
I gulp.
"Okay."

We make our way to her - our - apartment. My heart is throbbing horrifically, brain ticking as we arrive.
And that rush of pain I receive as the door opens to reveal Mark in only a pair of jeans is unbearable.
His eyebrows scrunch downwards and he growls like an angered wolf.
"Why the fuck is that prick here?!"
"This-This was a bad idea, Will." I turn on my heels but she clasps my hands in hers, hauling me back around.
"That "prick" is your bestmate and we're going to make this work."
Mark sighs heavily but turns to sit down on the couch. Willow requests for me to do the same.
"I don't know about this, I mean I should proba-"
"Sit your arse down, O'Donoghue."

The next morning everything is still heavy. I think Willow believed it had worked. That this fucked up situation could survive in happiness.
I think she genuinely thinks someone like her is easy to get over.
She clearly doesn't know how bloody amazing she is to me then.
"Alright mate," apparently Mark thinks I have magically thrown my feelings away too. Oh, isn't this amusing? "I was thinking-"
I don't give a fuck what you think...
"we could go down to the studio and try writing something?"
Why? I'll just write love songs about your-
"Yeah man, sounds good." I walk past him to the kitchen.
Since when did he stay over?!
Do you think they had-
"Hello beautiful." I turn to see Mark grasping Willow in his arms and I look away, gasping loudly.
I can't do this! I can't do this!
"Danny, hey."
Willow.
Her breath is hot against my flesh and she smells refreshingly of mint. She beams up at me. I feel it. I feel her smile but I don't look at her.
I can't look at her...
I switch the kettle on and fish a mug out from the cupboard.
"You alright?"
Do not look at her...
"Fine."
Seriously you'll regret it if you look at her...
"Danny?"
"Mmh."
Don't look at her...
"We're...friends, right?"
I look at her.
My heart flutters and my guys twisting the most painful, sweetest way possible.
"Yeah."
She smiles and walks away as though she knows what she has just done.
We're back to square one aren't we?
We never left square one in the first place.