Angela Curtis

Tears and Truth- 14

(!!!TW- MENTIONS OF THROWING UP/ BINGING, STARVING, AND OVERTHINKING)

After a while I wake up to Darry shaking me slightly. "We need to talk about what you were doing..." He says. I nod and follow him upstairs. "Why were you making yourself throw up?" He asks.  "I just felt sick." I say quietly while looking at my hands. "You did not, you're picking at your finger nails and you're looking at your hands. You do that when you're lying. Please tell me the truth, I just want to try to help you." He pleads. After being quiet for a bit I open my mouth to speak but I start to feel tears well up in my eyes. I think of how to put it. I don't want to burden him. He does everything for us and he's under a lot of pressure as it is he shouldn't have to worry about me much more. 

While I'm lost in thought a few tears start to fall down my face. "Please tell me, you don't have to tell me everything but I just need to know. I want to try and help or understand what you're thinking." He says. Darry's always been the brother that I've been closest with. He knows the most about me. I can tell in his voice that it's hurting him to not know what's happening. "You can't tell anyone...please." I say. He nods, "I won't, I promise" He holds out his pinky and we make a pinky promise. 

"Last year a lot of people started bullying me for being.. 'bigger' than them so I started thinking that and telling myself that I was so I started being more paranoid about how much I eat compared to everyone else. So I stopped but then y'all kept questioning me so I had to eat and I then realized that I could just throw it up and still lose weight. So I started binging." I say finally. Darry just looks at me and then hugs me. I can feel him starting to cry but just slightly. I feel like a huge weight was just lifted off my shoulders.

"I am so sorry Angela. I'm sorry I wasn't there and that I didn't notice. I won't tell anyone but you have to let me help you and you have to tell me if it gets worse." He says after he stopped hugging me. I nod. "I need to make dinner. You need to eat some and not throw it up. You don't have to eat with everyone but you have to eat." I nod again and hug him. 

He went downstairs and started cooking while I went to my bedroom and let out a huge breathe that I didn't know I was holding in. I layed down on my bed and started overthinking everything. 'Why did I tell him that', 'He's going to tell the gang and they're going to hate me', 'everyone's going to think I'm weird' , 'Darry hates me now', "Why do I have to burden everyone' and so on. I know that I shouldn't overthink and that Darry had promised, pinky promised even and that he wouldn't tell anyone since he always keeps his promises. He would only tell the people I allowed him to, but I can't escape the thoughts. 

To drown out my thoughts I started to read a book. I haven't been much of a reader but ever since I started doing this and having a bad relationship with food I've started reading more, it's become a healthy escape. I get lost in my book and I don't even realize that the rest of the gang has come home until I hear a thud. Probably Two-Bit wrestling with Ponyboy or something. I ignore it and keep reading until I get bored. 

I may be trying to get my relationship with food into a good place but I still want to lose weight. I read somewhere that sleeping helps you lose weight so I decide to go to sleep for a while, thinking about what my life will be like when I'm happy with my body and my mind, when I don't overthink as much and when I can eat freely again. I don't know when that will be but I can only hope that it'll be soon. I don't know how much longer I can live like this. Keeping this a secret from the gang and having them possibly worry over me. While I'm not sure if they are I can only hope.

[Words- 843]

(A/N- I hope this chapter isn't too bad because it was sorta rushed but anyways here it is. I just want everyone to know that you are perfect just the way you are and that if someone says otherwise then they're wrong. I may not know anyone that read this but I know that you are perfect and beautiful/ handsome. But please stay hydrated and eat plenty of food!! Thank you so much for reading and for so many reads it means a lot to me!)