american beauty // joshler

background, final note, and reference index

background:

hi there.

so, i guess i'll start by saying that this story came about after listing to a bunch of fall out boy and realizing how beautiful some of their lyrics really are if you listen deeper. i wrote down every line i loved and tried to sprinkle in as many i could here and there.

when i was about 3/4 of the way finished writing, i sat down and listened to their entire discography over the course of like 2 days and wanted to punch myself in the face because i found so many more little lines i wanted to add that would have been perfect. but alas, it was too late. sigh.

but i thought i'd lay out all the references here in case anyone was curious(ity- [haha]). some of them aren't direct quotes obviously, so i kind of paraphrased them. feel free to ignore this long love letter and read those if you're interested.

fall out boy is just so special to me. i've loved them since middle school and i'm actually seeing them for the so much for (tour)dust tour this summer! i saw them for the mania tour in 2018 and they were probably the second best live show i've seen (second to the pilots, of course). i wish i could have incorporated their new album! if anyone is interested in that, i would recommend heaven iowa, so much for stardust, flu game, and i am my own muse.

final author's note:

anyway, i hope you guys enjoyed this story. i loved writing it more than i think i've enjoyed writing anything. it was very different and somewhat experimental. it definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone as a writer and made me confront some of my own fears and personal mental health issues in a way that was actually very cathartic for me.

i hope it was somewhat educational and/or enjoyable for you all! my dms/comments are always open for a safe space to talk or ask questions. i am here for you as both a friend and psychology degree holder.

things like bpd, bipolar disorder, and alcohol/substance use disorders all have huge stigmas surrounding them. these stigmas are perpetuated by media. almost every movie/tv depiction of bpd is some manipulative, gaslighting, abusive person. every depiction of bipolar is very cut and dry, crazy and dramatic mania and then a lazy depression stereotype. alcohol use disorder is shown largely as stumbling drunks that neglect their families and substance use disorder has similar portrayals. mental health is not black and white. diagnoses/symptoms effect everyone differently. not everyone with bpd is abusive, not everyone with a substance/alcohol use disorder neglects their family, not every person with bipolar only experiences extreme highs and extreme lows. there are plenty of other variables there.

i wanted to write this because i've never seen a movie/show or read a book (much less a fanfiction) that deals with mental illness in the smaller details and in a way that we can see inside the person's thought process. tyler was manipulative and mean sometimes, sure. he pushed and pulled in his relationships. but here we got some of the reasoning behind it. bpd is largely focused on abandonment/attachment issues. he was scared and was in a very unhealthy, codependent relationship with brendon. i think it's important to get the person's perspective because we don't often get that in other forms of media, and that is a huge contributor to the stigmatization.

someone can do bad things when suffering from mental illness without it making them a bad person. survival mode is a scary thing. you never know what someone is going through.

i've dealt with a lot of my own mental health issues. i still do. i still have things i'm working on and behaviors/interactions i am trying to change. that's part of what i had to confront and challenge myself with while writing this.

at the end of the day, i'm a person. we all are. and all we can do is our best. all we can do is be there when people need us. all we can do is try.