i live in two worlds, a world of unerring terror. this world i am so utterly scared of, scared to be judged, scared id be locked away if i dared project my inner thoughts and feelings. unfortunately, that means if your reading this i lost my battle, am i ashamed of this? yes but its never as easy as it looks, once you befriend Ana she will always come back.
i was in a dark space when i first came across Ana i thought she'd help me love myself again but oh boy was i wrong.it started in 3rd year, to be exact the west building in the canteen. my friends abandoned me to go grab drinks, the rest were held behind but they'll come out soon, right? sat alone with 3 trays all filled to their fullest potential and why shouldn't they be we were only 13, our fast growing bodies needed to be fuelled.
Still alone a group of older boys walked by, my starving 13 year old self's stomach churned, turned, whaled i looked up to hear chuckles and contorted faces, "do you need more you fat pig" the 'hottest' boy sneered, gaining a high five from his brainless ally's, a singular tear stained my left cheek as my head hit the table through the force of one of the idiots again only to gain a nod of approval from the pack.
5 minuets later, my head fixated on the ground i was too frightened to move a muscle, my friends were still no where to be found, that's when she came to me, the devil in disguise . i saw someone's feet sit opposite me, i slowly readjust my frame making my head move steadily to find its way back to its normal position. i waited for my eyes to readjust from the tears, i wiped them away to give mother nature a helping hand, this is when i was found face to face with Ana.
"hey" she spoke, i replied with a slow nod "i am Ana",i tried to sound normal but a high pitched voice crack replied "Niamh". to begin with i wasn't sure i could trust Ana something felt wrong like she was never really there, but my anxieties were soon replaced with adrenaline, maybe she's exactly what i have been needing a new friend, a new start a chance to change my appearance. she chuckles, can she hear my thoughts? i began fiddling with my hair causing her to examine my every move. her voice is loud, overpowering it has an underling crispness to it, i never liked Anas voice it was always louder than my own.
"i know this friendship will last forever", i gulped.
