How to get him to fall in love | ✔

Chapter Eight

Another reason why I agreed to meet my biological mom is because of Kate

My birth mother is my only living connection that I have to Kate, and that Kate even existed at all. When I was first put in foster care I didn't speak much, this much I know as this is what drove Tessa to want to adopt me. She told me that when she first laid eyes on me she thought; this little girl seems so broken and hurt. And she believed no one should be broken or hurt...at least not so young. So I was taken in by Tessa and Greg, but even the two of them I barely spoke to. the first person I actually started speaking to was my therapist Lila

I remember that day, which was a big feat for me because a lot of things that had happened earlier on in life I've either seemed to have forgotten completely or have this haze conceal my memories; where nothing is clear and nothing makes sense. That day Lila had told me to call her Lila because friends call each other by their first names and we were friends. She had a cool office and an ipad for kids to play with when they visited her so I told her that we were friends just so that I could come back and play on her ipad

Lila asked me if I had any friends before Tessa and Greg had adopted me

''No, not really'' I answered truthfully

''And did you want friends?'' Lila asks encouragingly, every few seconds looking at me then writing something in her big dark green book

''No''

''So when you'd see other kids playing or having fun with others, you didn't feel left out?'' she asks, and I scrunch my face because I don't like these questions

I had shook my head, because I never longed for friends, I never needed them ''No because I had Kate'' Is what I say instead

This is when Lila stopped writing in her book and looked at me, she asked me to tell her who Kate was

''My sister obviously'' I say kind of annoyed, because I'm 10 and I know doctors always know things about you even if you didn't tell them, including her, even if she's only a talking doctor

''Okay –'' she says smiling, ''Tell me about Kate''

But despite my annoyance I didn't pass up the opportunity to talk about Kate. So I told her....all the good things only of course, because it's not nice to speak ill of the dead. Although, I didn't have much nice things to say about her, so I go quiet very quickly

Lila tells me I can tell her anything, even things that I don't want other people to know, that she will keep my secrets

''I used to tell Kate all my secrets'' I tell her

''Yes, but now Kate is no longer here, right?'' she says slowly, like she's afraid her words might trigger me

I nod and feel tears roll down my cheeks

''it's okay, it's okay, Kate would want you to be happy right?'' she says, I assume she thinks that's the right thing to say

''No, she wouldn't, she'd want me to be thinking of her'' I yell at her, because I'm annoyed that she doesn't know Kate as well as I do

No one does

Of course Lila writes it down in her stupid book

''You don't know her'' I yell again, aware of how whiny I sound, it doesn't take long for the tears to come, and once they start they don't stop until they're streaming down my face

''Yes, but that's why you're here to tell me all about Kate'' Lila reasons calmly, sliding a box of Kleenex with hearts on the box over to me

And that makes me stop crying