Regrets (Mastermind Shuichi)

Prologue

Shuichi's POV

I walk out of the bar and cycle around to the back. I honestly needed a break from everyone in there. They reek of alcohol and sweat. I mean, why invite a minor to a drinking party anyway? What am I supposed to do, babysit the drunk adults like they're children?

I sigh and sink lower until I'm in a crouching position, leaning my head back until it makes contact with the hard and cool brick wall. The ground is filthy and trash is littered everywhere but I don't really care at this point. All I want right now is to leave this place.

I start to hear more people exit the bar. They sound like some people I remember from Team Danganronpa. 'The party must be ending soon,' I think to myself. I listen as their voices grow farther away, laughter and giggles, and stumbling footsteps fading into the distance. God this is fucking annoying. Wish I had friends my age.

I let out a pathetic chuckle after that last thought. Why the fuck would anyone want to be friends with a alleged psychopath? The public loved my reveal but it was inevitable that people would distance themselves from me.

Especially them.

For most of my life, I didn't have many friends. God that's actually kind of sad now that I'm actually acknowledging it. During the first quarter of my life, I was busy looking after my carefree and wild parents. For the rest I was busy occupying myself with detective work and Danganronpa. Mostly the latter.

Then I auditioned. I auditioned for the Danganronpa. I wanted to enjoy the thrill of the cases and the executions firsthand. Because of that, I put everything I had into that audition. I regret that now.

Regret.

I was shocked, yet exhilarated when I saw that I was one of the nominees for mastermind. They said I was one of 5 other candidates. I didn't get any sleep for the next few days. My mind was occupied with the thought that I, of all other people, would have the opportunity to orchestrate this marvelous killing game.

A few days later they told me I had gotten the position. I was so excited. I remember showing my aunt and uncle, practically jumping up and down in joy. They gave me a look of... was it disgust? Disappointment? I don't seem to recall. Looking back on it, I wish they would've given it to someone else. Then I wouldn't have to deal with this gut wrenching feeling of regret.

Regret.

The rest of the game, well, it just happened. I did everything I had to in order to allow the best killing game to play out. At first, I was just acting. I was just acting so that I could form good relationships with the other players, and to decrease suspicion from others. I was focused on making my reveal the best one yet.

But at some point, the acting ceased. I was genuinely having a good time with my classmates, despite the killings and deaths. Of course, I still had to carry my duties out. Being the mastermind still gave me pleasure. It was like I was two people at once. Shuichi Saihara, Ultimate Detective, and Shuichi Saihara, Mastermind of the 53rd killing game. I should have been honest, with them and myself. I regret not being honest.

Regret.

But now, I don't have any of that. The world sees me as that crazy ass fan favorite psycho mastermind. That's who I am, who I have to be. Team Danganronpa doesn't want me going near the other participants, or doing anything that would ruin my image. I mean, it's not like I'm prohibited to, but they highly recommended against it, probably because I have been a huge source of their income as of late.

I doubt that they'd forgive me even if I tried though. Hell, I wouldn't forgive me either. I don't forgive me at all.

'Oh, poor Saihara. Why reminisce on your oh so tragic life when you know nothing will ever be like the same again? You know you brought this upon yourself.' I think to myself. How pathetic do you have to be to feel sorry for yourself?

Every thought of mine is filled, with regret.

Regret, regret, regret.

..

I'm regretting every choice I've made during the short time of my life in the back alley of a bar, accompanied by dog shit and rat piss. Pitiful.

I get up and dust myself off, collecting myself and my thoughts, bringing the mastermind facade back once more. I start towards the front of the bar and enter again.

"Heeeey, Shuichi!! hic Where've you been?? Everyone's aaaalllready gone...." mumbles some guy from our table. I try to remember his name but I come up with a blank. Probably because I couldn't really care less about any of these people. I look around. The majority is most definitely not present.

I flash a wide smile filled with deceit and malice, befitting that of a true mastermind. "Ahahaha!! I was just getting some fresh air. Actually, that was a lie. Why would I stay here with a bunch of nasty adults who are far from sober? I would much rather die than be harassed with questions and coddled with unwanted affection from drunk ass people like you." I say.

"Damnnnn 'Sashi, he got you gooood there." a woman teases. "Didn't have to put it like thaaaat, Mr. Mastermind." whines 'Sashi'. I flinch at his last couple of words. Smiling innocently, I reach for my belongings. "Well, I be heading out now, send my regards to the CEO for such a fantastic and entertaining evening," I say, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Okaaaaaaayy Saihara-kunn~" the woman says. I shudder at her tone and walk out of the bar. My face instantly dropped, my act melting away in a split second.

I sigh deeply. When I get home, I'm scrubbing away every instance of bird shit off my ass.

(a/n: damn this is long. i think i just told half the story but i'll figure it out later. please do provide constructive criticism as i am writing a fanfic for the first time and it's 2 am.)