Fever Dream Red

26

A million thoughts ran through my head all at once. I didn't know what to do at first.

I knew I couldn't just leave without telling Inez. This would surely send her over the edge, in more ways than one. Losing Danny was hard enough on her. Losing me would just about end her.

But I knew I had to go. I had to get away from this stifling place. I couldn't live all of my life in a pretty little box. It was still a box.

The whole world had ended, like a locked safe that had been broken. The riches spilled from it, just waiting to be seized. Yet we all stood there motionless.

I knew then what I would do, even if it killed me. My decision was selfish and harsh. I always thought in life that you had to selfish first and selfless second. It wasn't my fault that Doug had place me in this position.

I was holding thr note in my hands thinking this all over in the middle of the room, when I heard a knock. It made me jump, but before I knew it Nick was standing there.

I jinxed it.

I frantically stuffed the note in my pocket before he could notice.

"Hello Finny. I saw your light was on. Are you okay?" He pointed at the ceiling like I didn't know what was causing the brightness.
"Yep." I nodded, making it clear that I wanted him gone.

The man was terrible at taking hints, so he continued. "I know these past couple of days have been rough for you, with Danny being gone and all. Just know that we will find him, wherever he is."

He fixed his eyes onto mine solidly.

I knew then that Nick wasn't just talking about Danny. He was talking about anyone who wanted to escape. He knew what I was to do. He knew my desires. It was like he had read my mind.

"You get some sleep now." Nick finished, and he closed the door with a soft but solemn click.

I turned the light off and lay on my bed in the dark, partly exhilerated, frightened to death, and excited.

I lay there until it was light and I could hear people moving around. Then I packed.

I packed all of my clothes and left the fancy dresses. They would simply be artifacts of my imprisonment.

I packed everything else I would need, which was really just a hairbrush and a toothbrush and toothpaste. I didn't have much room for anything else. I figured I could find more supplies in the city.

After that I just had to wait until dark.

I was a mess all day, biting my nails and twiddling my thumbs. I went to the pool and swam around for ages, until my fingers had wrinkled and I felt sick from all the water I had inevitably taken in.

I then got changed into some sweatpants and a tee, like I always did. Having a missing brother allowed you liberties in The Base.

I sat and ate my caesar salad, relishing the taste of lettuce that I probably would not experience yet again. Hopefully.

Fae came to talk to me to keep me company.
"Inez is worried about you, you know." She told me in the garden, the wind slapping her unruly blonde hair. "She's scared she'll lose you too. Apparently you've been distant with her recently."
"Did she send you?" I questioned, hoping my voice didn't break like my heart was.

I didn't think I could do that to Inez. I supposed I was picking the same path that Danny did. I kept telling myself that I had to go. It was my destiny, I told myself. I'm not sure if I ever believed it. I just felt better about leaving Inez if I did.

Fae didn't respond, which told me all.I needed to know.
"If she's so worried she should talk to me herself!" I responded somewhat dramatically. I was growing tired of all the whispers and secrets, even though I was hiding some myself. We all have secrets. Some are just worse than others.

"I'll tell her that." Fae muttered as she walked off.

I looked after her with a sense of hopelessness. I had started pushing everyone away when I really should be holding them close. I didn't know what was wrong with myself. Perhaps that was why I chose to go; the people were annoying me.

I ate my tea with an even more heightened angle of nervousness. Soon I'd have to make my excuses. Soon it would be time.

Inez came to find me after tea. I was in my room grabbing my rucksack that had all of my things in. It was only small, but it was big enough to draw attention.

"Where are you going?" She asked, standing in the doorway of my room whilst I stood over my rucksack.
"Down to the beach. I'm going to try and paint the sunset." I answered, trying to make my lie believable.
"You don't normally paint, do you?" Inez asked with a hint of suspicion.
"I'm trying to take my mind off things. I'm also trying to get a hobby." I made a slight attempt at humour. It gave Inez a smile, which eased me.
"I won't keep you." Inez smiled through glistened eyes. Looking back, I suspect she knew I was going that day, because just as I was walking out she stopped me.

"I love you, Finny. You know that, don't you?"
I nodded through bleary eyes.

I gave her a hug. I couldn't help it. The familiar scent of her vanilla perfume encased me like a blanket then. I hoped that I could stay there forever, however I knew that was impossible.

I broke apart and walked outside, giving her a reassuring wave.

I then began my descent into the rest of my life. Hopefully.