Undercover

chapter 29

" I love you so much..." JJ whispered.

Emily looked at her and sensed there was a "but" coming, so before the blonde said it, she said it first.

" But?..." Emily whispered back.

JJ looked down and slowly pulled away from the brunette and walked over to the couch. Emily looked down and sighed, then followed JJ to the couch and sat down next to her. JJ looked down at her hands.

" Jennifer... I... I want to make this work... I want to be with you... I want you..." Emily said softly.

JJ slowly looked up and met her eyes.

" I love you... and I can't stand the thought of losing you... You're all that matters to me..." Emily continued and reached for JJ's hand.

JJ let Emily take her hand, with her other hand she wiped away a tear that escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek.

" Emily..." JJ started but Emily interrupted her.

" Please... let me finish..." Emily pleaded. JJ nodded slowly.

" I don't want to feel this way... I don't want to hide what I'm feeling for you..." Emily said softly as a tear escaped her eye as well.

" I want to say I can see myself walking in a park with you, holding your hand... I want that so much... But I can't say that cause I'm not sure I can... I start to panic just thinking about it... and I hate myself for that. I hate that I'm so weak... I can't say what you want to hear Jennifer... not now... But I hope... someday... I can... Because I can't picture a life without you in it... " Emily finished and tears were now streaming down her face.

JJ cried too as Emily's words went straight into her heart.

Emily slowly got up from the couch and looked down at JJ who met her eyes.

" I'm gonna go now... though all I really want is to hold you and never let you go... But I think maybe you need some time to think... I want to spend the rest of my life loving you Jennifer but this is all I can offer right now and if it's not enough then..." Emily couldn't finish the last sentence. She slowly bent down and kissed JJ on the cheek then she left.

JJ was stunned. She desperately wanted to say something to make Emily stay but it was like she lost her speech. She opened her mouth but not a single sound came out. She looked up and saw her front door close, and Emily was gone. JJ broke down and cried.

Emily ran to her car, tears streaming down her face as she got in to the car and drove off.

Emily threw herself down on the couch as she returned home. This wasn't what she had planned would happen, but she had to tell JJ the truth about what she was feeling and she prayed JJ would accept that that was all she could offer now. As much as she wanted to stay, she knew she needed to give her time. The ball was in JJ's court now and all Emily could do was wait.

JJ didn't know what to do. She was still on the couch, it was like she was frozen to the spot with Emily's words ringing in her head.

Emily hadn't moved from the couch since she got back, she had stopped crying though. It was close to 7 PM and she hadn't had anything to eat since this morning. She slowly got up from the couch and walked into her kitchen. She checked the fridge but there was nothing there she wanted to eat. She didn't really have much of an appetite but she needed to eat something.

Suddenly the door bell rang and Emily ran to the door and flung it open

" Jennifer?!" she said but it wasn't her. It was the other blonde from their team standing outside her door with a confused look on her face.