DEATH

Soul

I've always thought that there wouldn't be any souls left behind when people died. Even if there was, they were probably there due to their deep obsession, strong resentment or their unwillingness to leave. They would ultimately become evil ghosts and roam the world.

Looking at it now, that doesn't seem to be the case.

I've died.

I committed suicide by cutting my wrist.

When I died, I wasn't obsessed with anything. I didn't feel resentful and I wasn't unwilling to leave.

I just felt that there was no more meaning in life.

When a person reaches a certain level of despair, dying isn't a scary thing. The only thing I remembered was the ice cold water flowing over the wound on my wrist and the pool of water steadily turning from pink to bright red. Then, I slowly closed my eyes.

I've finally let everything go. I've finally let her go.

This time, I'm really letting you go.

From the bottom of my heart, I hope you find happiness.

I had never expected that I would still wake up. Of course, "waking up" is a meaningless word to me now. Perhaps, I should say that I'd never expected myself to see the light again. Everything was just a blur and I had no awareness. Now that I think about it, my body was very light, as if it was being dragged by something. I started floating about like a leaf and I found myself hung in the air. I didn't feel warm or cold; I also didn't feel pain or sadness. I just floated lightly and my surroundings were dark and quiet.

Then, there was a ray of light. Gradually, the light became brighter and I saw a nostalgic light.

The scene before me gradually became clearer.

I looked around me in a trance. It was an awfully familiar place. It was hers and my home.

The flooring was made of redwood and there was a soft and large white sofa. The decorative floor lamp was emitting a dim and warm yellow light, lighting up her quiet sleeping face as usual.

I started admiring this sight almost instantly.

She liked to sleep on the soft sofa with the dim table lamp switched on and she had always tossed and turned when she was asleep. As for me, I liked to sit by her side, secretly watching her when she was deep asleep. I liked watching her alluring face as well as the silver cross earring shining faintly.

"Hnn..." She turned over slightly. Seemingly feeling cold, her hand stretched out to find the intricate Indian blanket.

Due to her tosses and turns, the blanket had long fallen onto the floor. In the past, it was always me who secretly helped her with the blanket. However, I'm unable to do so now.

Unable to feel the blanket, she was forced awake. Similar to the times that I was caught peeping at her, my heart jumped like a thief that was caught. Nevertheless, her sight swept past me. She stretched out her hand and picked up the blanket on the floor.

She couldn't see me.

When she stretched out her hand, her hand had went through me. However, both of us felt nothing.

It doesn't matter. She had always treated me as though I was invisible even when she could see me. When she was still able to touch me, she had always tried her best not to.

I watched as she continued sleeping.

I should be shouting. I should be in hysteria. I should be grabbing God by the collar, shaking God and asking God what was going on.

However, I didn't see god. I didn't see the Joseung Saja. I didn't see . I didn't see any legendary figure that could guide me.

I died, but I didn't go to heaven or hell. I had ridiculously turned into a lonely ghost.

I'm even bounded to her. What's the term for this? Earthbound Spirit?

Something probably went wrong with the procedures. Maybe my situation was like where the gates to heaven opened behind me but I didn't see it. Or perhaps, Joseung Saja was busy today and accidentally left me here.

Or perhaps, I thought that I didn't care but was actually full of obsession, resentment and unwillingness to leave her.

I don't know.

When I started growing awareness, I was already floating by her side. Floating wasn't a really accurate word to describe myself. Although my body was very light, my feet were still touching the ground, as if I was alive.

Naturally, she couldn't see me. Neither did she knew of my existence. However, when she moved, I would be dragged along with her.

I made an approximation and the furthest I could go was a three-meter radius from her.

Actually, the first time I gained awareness was earlier. I suddenly realized that she was sitting with a tired face. I could tell that she had a fully scheduled day.

It's so hard being a celebrity.

I stretched out my hand but was unable to touch her.

Then, I followed her to this awfully familiar place.

The curtains were still the same. It was unseemly with yellow tassels and cute ducks printed on it. It was hung by me but it didn't match the luxurious yet simple looking room in any way.

The arrangement of the room didn't change much.

But in the photo frame above the table, it was no longer the picture of me sticking to her, looking at a sunflower dazedly. It had changed to her with the other person. In the picture, the bright and beautiful person was wearing a kitty apparel and smiling brightly. She was forced to wear a doggy apparel but still looked tall and dazzling. Although her face was cold, there was still a trace of warmth that was hard to detect.

I already knew that this would happen but I still felt disheartened when I saw it.

The two of them were both famous celebrities. Not only did they love each other privately, but they were also an official pairing made by the company. They had many fans. Everyday, a bunch of lovestruck fans would send their blessings on the official website and blogs. Just scrolling through it would make one's eyes dazzled.

Every time I saw this scene, I always felt like jumping in and shouting, "In ten years, Lisa will be mine, Irene's!"

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