"I Will" - A Hurt/Comfort Transformers Fic

"I Will"

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

Starscream muttered to himself, stomping a bit as walked down the hall "Stupid Shockwave and his stupid lab–" the seeker briefly paused his external monologue to open the ship's door that led to the flight deck. "Stupid–" Just as quickly as he continued his rant, he stopped once again as his optics landed on a familiar figure "–Megatron…". The warlord stood silently, his back to the jet as he looked over the railing and out into the dark sky. Luckily, he was far enough away that he couldn't have heard Starscream's muttering. Starscream sighed a bit as he walked across the flight deck, knowing this wasn't the usual. "My liege? Planning on sky diving?" He joked, only to be answered by Megatron's silence and a solemn thousand yard stare that was still glued to the stars above. The seeker fell silent, leaning on the railing and huffing some at being ignored. Finally, after a few moments of nothing came a "Starscream?". His own name being spoken caught him off guard "Yes, Megatron?". Another interlude of silence. "Do you ever get tired?" Starscream scoffed "What? Of course I do! It's why I value my beauty rest and–" Megatron interjected gently, cutting him off before he finished whatever narcissistic comment he was going to reply with "Not that– tired in the mind, maybe. Like you could run for miles but not be able to communicate with a single person. That kind of tired?" The not-so-loyal second in command perked up a bit "I don't suppose so..? I mean, maybe once or twice but y'know–  I don't keep track of that!" His laugh turned awkward when Megatron didn't reply with something along the lines of 'get back to your post'. "It's late my liege, I hope you know that". Megatron shrugged "I suppose you're right. Why are you here then? Shouldn't you be at your post?" There it was. Starscream felt like rolling his optics as he huffed "Seriously? Why would a seeker come to the flight deck, I wonder?" His voice was drenched with sarcasm "I'm definitely going to abandon ship, fly off into the night even!" He quickly straightened himself out, folding his arms in some sort of self hug as he lost confidence "I was– I just wanted to be alone. There's usually no one out here at this time. That's why…" Finally, Megatron gave a look in Starscream's direction. "I suppose that makes two of us then." Starscream arched an eyebrow "You? Wanting to be alone? Why couldn't you just go to your quarters like usual? Be alone at your desk or something while you glare at a photo of Optimus Prime, like always." An exhale of amusement escaped Megatron's lips "You know me too well it seems. However, I only wanted a change of scenery. I was sick of looking out a big window, I wanted to actually be out here for once." Not wanting to be immersed in awkward silence again, Starscream changed the subject to something of a different topic.  "Fair enough. Oh, there might be a meteor shower by the way." Megatron's cold gaze returned to the skies as a quick glimmer caught his attention. "I believe it's already begun, Starscream…" Starscream looked to the sky himself, seeing another blip of light as he tried to be humorous once again "You know, those humans do something where they "wish upon" these things when they see them. I mean, how stupid is that? They're just rocks in space and they wish on them!" Megatron shifted a bit, unfolding his hands from behind his back to place them onto the steel railing. "Back in my youth..I was told to start saying "I will" instead of "I wish". I believe it was for motivation." Without thinking too much, something he was quite good at, Starscream said something "Well, saying "I will I was appreciated" doesn't make much grammatical sense!" Megatron fell silent, his optics widening some as he turned back to Starscream "You...don't feel appreciated?" The seeker tensed up, realizing his mistake and expecting to be lectured. However, the lecture didn't come, instead came another question from his commander "Can you elaborate, Starscream?" "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me I–" the warlord interjected "Thank you." Starscream was now the one in disbelief, wondering why in the world he'd be thanked for that "Pardon???" "Thank you, for being honest. If that was honesty…" Starscream took a step back, uncrossing his arms "What do you mean by that?" "By thank you? Well–" it was now Starscream's turn to do the interrupting "No, no! The 'if that was honesty' part! So you think I'm lying right now?? I don't even have a reason to lie to you right now!" The warlord sighed, closing his optics as he tried to gather his thoughts "Starscream. Please. Not now..." The seeker was having none of it "Don't you 'not now' me! Do you think I always lie to you!?" He raised his voice as his wings shifted, Megatron let go of the railing as he turned his full frame to face Starscream. "I just meant that sometimes? I'm doubtful of you because of all the times you've tried to overthrow me." Starscream pouted "Oh yeah? Well did you ever think about how I feel when you shove me aside for your precious Shockwave and Soundwave? You always claim you don't have favorites but it's so obvious that you do! You like them more than you ever liked me!" "What? Mad that I value bots who actually do their jobs?" Megatron raised his voice a bit, causing Starscream to shrink back before retaliating with his own difference in vocal volume. "You don't understand, you never will! Never, ever, ever! Do you even know why I do the things I do? Do you even know me?! Because sometimes, I feel like I'm a stranger to you!" Starscream began to pace, twitching with pent up anger "I try so hard to do everything you ask, and I always do horrible! I never want to do horribly! I just want to show you that I'm capable of doing something, anything! Maybe I try to overthrow you for a reason besides fun!" The seeker was practically shouting this point, knowing he'd get a formal version of 'you're grounded' he decided to make the most of it and really lay into Megatron. "Yeah, that's right! I don't do it for fun! I want to show you how badly you do your job, and how much better I can do it for you! I'm entirely capable of leading the decepticons and maybe I want to show you my abilities for once! Shockwave and Soundwave are always showing you plans and cool inventions and you always tell them how good they're doing–" Despite the fact that he felt like he was losing his mind, Starscream pressed on. For once the roles felt reversed, he was now the one giving a lecture. "–did you ever think that maybe I wanted to be able to show you something?! Maybe I wanted the satisfaction, your satisfaction! I just want to be good enough okay?! I'm never good enough for you, am I?! All I'll ever be to you is annoying and whiny and and–" Starscream felt his voice catch in his throat, tears pricked at the corners of his optics "I'll always come in last place! I might be second command but I know I'm ALWAYS the last runner to finish the race! First it's Soundwave with his expert strategies and spy footage, then it's Shockwave with his newest inventions and plans to inflict as much pain as possible onto the autobots, AND THEN IT'S ME! I'm at the very end despite being your second in command!" The tears no longer held threats but a fulfilled promise, they ran down his warm, angry face. "I just want what they get, appreciation! Perhaps I want to be told I did good, even if I fail! Have you ever thought of that, huh!?! I. Just. Want. Appreciation!!" Starscream couldn't take the surge of emotions and fell to his knees, pulling them to his chest as he sobbed. After all these years he finally told Megatron how he felt standing on the sidelines. While everyone else got positive feedback he only got remarks of disappointment. As the seeker sobbed he was prepared, prepared to get lectured in return. He was waiting for a 'stop being so dramatic' or maybe even 'quit your whining'. But none of that ever came. The only sound was his sobbing and the wind. Starscream had squeezed his optics shut but reluctantly, he opened them. He expected to see a face of anger, gritted teeth and all but instead Starscream saw a face of pity. Megatron was looking down at him, not in wrath but in sorrow. The warlord kneeled, getting down to the level of the sobbing seeker. "Do you really feel that way?" Starscream sniffled and nodded, he couldn't seem to find his voice in the moment. Megatron let out a long sigh, closing his optics before outstretching his arms and offering a hug. The seeker quickly wiped his face and stared in awe, he had never once seen Megatron offer a hug to anyone, let alone himself. He quickly looked between Megatron and the open space between his arms "A-Are you..serious..?" "If it will make you feel better, yes." With his palm, Starscream wiped his cheek and sat up. After much hesitation he scooted forward a bit, fitting himself into the newly offered space. Megatron slowly closed his arms around the seeker after his own hesitation. The feeling felt foreign, Megatron didn't know the last time he hugged someone and Starscream couldn't remember the last time he had been hugged "Starscream, I'm so sorry. I…I have reasons, but no excuses. You deserve better as a second command and–.... I'm glad you told me." "Really?" "Yes, truly. I know this one apology won't magically make everything better, but I hope you know I'll make an effort so that you feel seen." Starscream nodded a bit, eventually returning the hug "What do you mean by reasons but no excuses?" Megatron opened his optics, looking down to meet the seeker's gaze "I think…I've been having my own struggles but I'd like to just blame it all on stress. I'm stressed, you're stressed, the whole crew is stressed, and I'm stressed about everyone else being stressed. I think we all just want this nightmare to be over. I just…don't have time to think about the feelings of others, I'm always too caught up trying to win this damned war. Which is why I thank you again for telling me, I doubt I would've realized any of this if you hadn't spoken up. If you think of anything else, please tell me but….maybe with less shouting, from both of us." After the silence he just nodded, Starscream hadn't expected any of this so he clearly didn't know how to formulate a reponse. But maybe, nothing else needed to be said about it. Megatron looked towards the sky and Starscream followed suit. "Look, Megatron. Another meteor." "I wish I was as honest as my second in command." 

Starscream let out a small laugh, sniffling 

"Don't you mean, 'I will?".