not the same // heesun au

11 - End

I walked over to where he was and smiled.

"Hey there, Sun. I've missed you. It's been raining these past few days. It's not a coincidence that it's sunny when I come to visit you, right?"

Silence.

"I brought you flowers. I know you loved these when we were together. I remember the way your cheeks turned pink when I gave you flowers. You always told me you didn't want me to waste money on you, but I always disagreed. Your happiness was worth every single penny I spent."

Silence.

"I really do miss you, you know? Why'd you have to leave me? We were supposed to be together for a long time. Maybe not forever, but certainly not as short as the time I had with you. Every day, I keep wishing you'll come back to me. But it's been a year, I'm starting to think maybe you won't."

I chuckled through my tears, trying to cheer myself up. But it was no use.

"I keep going back to our old spots. Part of me still wishes you'll show up. I keep imagining you there, beside me. Full of life. But maybe it's time for me to let go."

Silence.

"Why didn't you tell me, Sun? When I left for my grandparents that day, you didn't tell me you went to the hospital. You didn't tell me you were sick. You just stopped being the bubbly person I once knew, but you never once showed to me that you were in agony. I wish you did. It may be selfish of me to wish that you'd told me before I got home from our trip and knocked on your door. I wish that you'd told me so that I would've expected to see your mom that day, with a grim look on her face. I knew, right then and there, that you were gone."

Silence.

"I love you, Sunoo. Always have and I always will."

I wiped away my tears and put the flowers down beside him. Suddenly, a butterfly landed on the flowers I brought. It was bright and yellow, like the sun. It flew around me for a bit before landing on my hand. I gently touched its wings before it flew away.

"Came to pay me one last visit, huh?"

I keep expecting to hear an answer in his voice but I'm always met with disappointment. Maybe that's my own fault. It's been a year since he died, I should've accepted it by now. I looked down at his grave, my tears dripping onto the stone.

Maybe it's time to move on.